To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

[WriterofDreams]

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

Are we not all getting away from the point......I don't think OP is proud as in "check me I have a man and made him marry me" but more like
" I am proud that I have met someone with whom I love enough to commit my life to and with" OP has chosen to be her DH wife and it is only reasonable that her title is used.
I am married and don't really mind either way, I am proud of my husband and his values ( not his habits lol) but really couldnt care if people call me miss or mrs but does the OP deserve to be flames for being proud to be a wife? I don think so........each t their own though :o

I think being proud of being a wife for 20 years is understandable.

Being proud of one's husband is understandable. So is being proud of one's family.

Just being proud of being a wife strikes me as being a bit odd.

I use Mrs Husbands-Surname, but I don't have an issue with anyone refering to me/him as a partner rather than husband/wife.

I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of my husband but I don't see the fact that we are married as an achievement. Though I suppose we are proud of helping each other through some shitty times etc, but thats all private personal stuff that the world doesn't need to know, and doesn't boil down to inserting Mrs rather than Ms in front of my name.

WoD, I guess I struggle to understand what you mean by 'being a wife', as opposed to being a woman who happens to be married - talking about it as a 'role' or as something to be 'proud of', 'part of who I have chosen to be' etc implies it's more than that?

Personally I plan to keep using 'partner' and keep my own name, and I don't wear rings, and for me marriage is just a convenient legal contract (easier than all the documents we'd need to get done separately otherwise). Our relationship is a lot more to me than that, obviously, but I don't expect that 'being a wife' will make any difference to my day to day life or become part of my identity as it seems to be for you?

im not that old ( i don't think!) but i cringe when people say partner when they refer to me, i find it factually incorrect and i correct them.

the word proud does evoke a sense of achievement doesn't it? i suppose what needs exploring is whether the OP thnks that the state of marriage is the achievement - or the fact that she herself married and that is the achievement?

i don't consider it an achievement, but i do prefer to be addressed correctly.

I'm proud I've met someone to commit my life to as well. Didn't need to become a wife for that though.

Writer - you are not the only one, I feel the same.

Really annoys both DH and I when we are called 'partners'. We are more than partners, we are married and it isn't the same.

Maybe marriage means different things to different people. Thats why some are proud of it, others trying to hide the fact, etc. Why gay lesbian feminists still insist of being married and "proud to be/have a wife"? If a gay woman posted here that she is proud to be a wife and wants to be addressed as a MRS I am sure she'll get supportive replies.

ILikeMilk, LeQueen - that's not quite the same thing though, your DHs may be proud to be married to you, to be your husband but that's not the same thing as being proud of being a husband IYSWIM? It seems different to me anyway...

YANBU. Your name, you can be called whatever you like!

Personally, I fall in the not wanting to be Mrs category, but thats me. If you have chosen a name to be called, then they should use it.

'We are more than partners, we are married and it isn't the same."

{hmm]

Come back and say that again when you've been together 30 years!

Sponge No I don't think it is the same.

I just think it is such a shame that people think I must be a 'little woman' with no mind o her own because I am happy to take my husbands name, would prefer to be called 'Mrs'.

I'm happy for people to know I'm married, I don't see being married as a 'private matter' as someone on here described. It wasn't a private matter when we invited family and friends to come to our wedding to celebrate the marriage, it wasn't private when the notice went up on the wall at the register office that we intended to get married for the whole world to see so why would it be private now? I wear a ring, so does my DH, for anyone to see, I'm sure if there was a married mans version of 'Mrs' then he would use that too.

For my DH and I our marriage is the most important thing we have ever done, it is the bedrock of our life together and our family.

I get that to a lot of women it isn't important, but it is to me. Don't look down on me because of it, and don't mock it - its rude.

YABU. Ms is a perfectly okay title and most people just automatically use it when writing letters to females.

Being upset at not being called 'Mrs' smacks of some kind of desperation for people to know that you 'got' a man.

Seeker - yes, I agree! We've been together for 25 years and have raised our children together in our shared home. Why is going through a legal ceremony somehow a greater proof of commitment?

I also fail to see why my name should reflect my marital status, when a man's doesn't.

I'm very proud of being a Mrs: it signifies that I wasn't late for the Registry Office appointment!

Oh, sorry, is that not the subject of this thread?

Hmmm, you see when people argue so much about the benefits of not being married I just wonder if a few of you would actually like to be married, deep down.

Going through a ceremony does say something about commitment, because you've gone to the trouble of making vows in front of everyone.

Does wanting to be called Dr smack of desperation for people to know you've got a doctorate?

LOL WriterofDreams.

Does wanting to be called Ms smack of desperation to hide your status? Not revealing if you are single/divorced/lesbian/have a partner but not married.

What always gets my goat is when younattend a hospital appointment/drs appointment with a DC and the patronising guts insist on calling me "mum" - feel like saying-that's Mrs Gleek to you, I'm not your mum!

"Being upset at not being called 'Mrs' smacks of some kind of desperation for people to know that you 'got' a man"

That's just total rubbish. I would think such drivel says more about them and any insecurities they may have than it says about me.

That should be gits-not guts-pesky spell correction!