To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

[WriterofDreams]

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

No one is saying you can't be proud, don't see what the title has to do with it

I thinks its nice she's proud of her husband and of being his wife. All my favourite feminists celebrate all kinds of women -t his OP one seems sweet, Not eveyrnne whants to politicise their life.

Nikon

My point is that 'Ms' is accurate no matter what your marital status so what does it matter? Nowadays, with people's marital status changing, maybe several times, Ms is a good 'catch all'. Also, I think Miss sounds very young, like something you might call a schoolgirl on an envelope. Ms sounds more grown up and, if I wasn't married, I would prefer that. In the same way that, once boys grow up, they are 'Mister' not 'Master.'

Thewook Thats just my point though, I am saying that that isn't what the title 'Ms' means to me at all. That's what you think the title means, but my point is that everyone has their own opinion. Why is my opinion about what I want to be called less worthy than your opinion, just because it is different?

How many of the usual whingers posters on this thread are not married one wonders?
Seems sour grapes and all that. Yaawn.

Mrs.Rollmops and proud of it.

If someone calls me Ms it just makes me think that they can't be bothered to use my actual name, not that they are treating me with respect.

mrsruffallo Tue 01-Feb-11 14:02:35
Why would you want to be called MRS though...I don't get it

But you don't have to get it, you just need to accept that others feel differently, thats all.

YANBU.
I am proud to have a so-far successful marriage, coming up on 10 years this year.
I don't mind being called Ms. though. I kept my maiden name so Mrs. maidenname sounds a bit funny, though I do use that too.

Gosh yes, if only I could get a man who wanted to marry me, my cup would truly runneth over.

What a typically nasty post Ms Rollmops.

Bucharest, get onto some evening classes, you could meet your MR Right while doing them :)

spongefingerssavedmylife Tue 01-Feb-11 14:06:28
If someone calls me Ms it just makes me think that they can't be bothered to use my actual name, not that they are treating me with respect.

Yes, thats more how I feel about 'Ms'.

I am married. I wouldn't correct anyone for calling me ms/miss because it doesn't matter to me. My self worth is not tied up in the fact that someone married me.

How quaint to assume that all of the people saying this are only doing so because they are unmarried!
There are lots of more important things that can happen to a woman in her lifetime.

One of my jobs is market research interviewing, and when I take people's names I usually say 'Is that Ms...? to women and give them the chance to say 'Yes/It's Mrs or Miss...' I totally get people's preference for choosing for themselves how they prefer to be addressed, though up to a point I think that all official forms should do away with titles or at least make them optional. Because (and here's something a little revolutionary) how often does it actually matter whether a person is male or female, let alone married or unmarried? Many jobs that a person can apply for can be done by anyone, regardless of gender. It's not necessary for the pizza delivery firm to know what you've got between your legs (even if you are intending to have sex with the delivered pizza rather than eat it, as long as you wait till the delivery person has gone). If you're applying for a mortgage/loan, your creditworthiness shouldn't depend on gender. Nor should you need to state it on your driving license.
Why are mundanes so obsessed with it?

That was to Rollmops btw

Precisely, Eldritch. If someone is not supposed to care if their married title is used, when why are unmarried women supposed to care? ie - why is partner the default when it's been indicated that you are married?

The case of my ratty midwife was a case in point - we were married (my notes asked for that info), but despite DH asking for husbands to be referred to she refused. Why - if it's not a big deal?

Or Bucharest, even if he's only 'Mr Oh alright then' at least you'll be MARRIED and not 'on the shelf'.

Well I certainly have misgivings about celebrating the achievement of being married, lovely though it is. Because it is a very small step from that to denigrating the failure to be married ('spinster' and all its connotations...)or demonising the failure to stay married (divorcee, ditto...) and women have been there before. it wasn't nice. So, the pride is essentially best regarded as a private thing that does not need public recognition.

That said, I stand by my point that women should be called what they want to be called. There is no right or wrong title.

Mrsruffallo No, I don't correct people if they call me 'Ms' but that doesn't mean that I like it or wouldn't prefer 'Mrs'.

Poor bitter old Bucharest, you may have a year or two left before you are officially an old maid though
Quick!grab a man