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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking kind, polite children are a rarity in the middle classes

140 replies

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 11:56

Obviously a flaming type of title, but:

I bring up my dcs to be kind, share, be great hosts, polite, etc.... However whenever they go elsewhere (and I've seen it in my own home) the other children do not have to share and as long as they're out of the way noone bothers to check that they're sharing, not playing on inappropriate games on the internet etc.

I am torn between making them as egocentric as the other children or keeping them kind and therefore walked over. I have said to DH that I'm not going to force them to play whatever their friends want when they come here anymore.

This egocentric precious Johnnie syndrome even stretches to parties where children have some to a party and then 'chosen' children for something extra like a sleepover....

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/02/2011 11:56

Oh FFS.

TrillianAstra · 01/02/2011 11:57

"Middle classes" Hmm

SoupDragon · 01/02/2011 11:59

AIBU to think that children without ASBOs are a rarity in the lower classes?

susie100 · 01/02/2011 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 12:00

how old are your children?

most children are ok in pairs but when you have more than two friends together they get over excited and a bit mad.

as long as your children know how to behave when needs be is it so bad for them to be themselves with their friends? are you amazingly polite tc when you are with your friends? or do you joke, swear etc...?

in my experience its the middle class parents with the badly behaved kids, they expect to much and then come down to harshly on their children.

i know wha you mean about wanting them to behave nicely but when they are with their friends they dont need to act "properly" do they?

Memoo · 01/02/2011 12:01

Ah you're one of those parents who thinks their child can do no wrong. I bet your DC are as bad as the rest of them when you're not looking! Wink

weblette · 01/02/2011 12:05

Biscuit What a stupid OP.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 01/02/2011 12:06

So what you're really saying is that you're so hung up on your children appearing 'kind' and 'great hosts' to others that they don't get to play the games they want or behave the way they want if other kids weren't around?

I'd get over this pretty quickly if you want your children to have lasting friendships as a/where do their real personalities come into all this (which is what other kids really want to see) and b/other kids will take advantage of their 'kindness' because that's just what kids do.

Original poster
ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 12:07

what's stupid about saying that dcs seem to have friends that are taught to put themselves first? It also seems to be all of their 'middle class' friends.

I am middle class.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 12:09

I'm not hung up on anything. I want my children to be kind, it's pretty fucking important isn't it?

And they treat guests as guests....so within reason the h=guest chooses what they do, I thought that was pretty standard, but it's not.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 12:09

The other children are obnoxious.

OP posts:
slightlymad72 · 01/02/2011 12:10

I'm still trying to figure out which 'class' i fit in, then I might be able to make a comment.

BettyCash · 01/02/2011 12:11

I think the reason you'll get flamed is bc you insinuate you have a choice. If you really believe that it's better for your DCs to grow up to be considerate people, you wouldn't even ask whether you should be teaching them otherwise.

Original poster
ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 12:11

I remember a mother putting her child first when I was eight, the little gilr wanted the Sindy horse that I was playing with and then when I had the crap horse she wanted that too.....her mother said it was hers.

In my mind I thought my dcs would be treated the same as they treat their guests....

OP posts:
2shoes · 01/02/2011 12:12

yabu
I am WC but have known teh same mixture, you get well behaved and non well behaved kids/spoilt kids and and precious parents in all classes
(yep I cannot spell spoilt)

TrollyMcTrollPants · 01/02/2011 12:12

How do you work out what someones class is? Genuine question as I've never been able to guess and sort of just lump everyone in together. (Except the Queen and her tribe)

KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 12:12

posieparker, what do you think to what i wrote?

your children are kind and so are their friends but when they get together you know how excited and hyped up they get. children dont just sit together nicely passing the tea cup to each other, children are....well children!

Original poster
ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 12:12

I do think it's important to be considerate but it's very hard when you see your dcs being trampled on.

OP posts:
ILikeMilk · 01/02/2011 12:12

Ha ha ha. I am sure its a wind up...

slightlymad72 · 01/02/2011 12:13

Trolly, I think its something to do with how well you can look down your nose Grin

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 01/02/2011 12:14

When? When do you see your DC's being trampled on? Do you go and sit in their friends' bedrooms and watch how they interact? Or do you consider 'trampled on' playing the games/doing the things that the friend wants to do rather than being asked as the 'guest'?

Really struggling to get my head around this one TBH.

Onetoomanycornettos · 01/02/2011 12:15

I don't make my children do what the guest wants to do, I leave them to negotiate with the guest and choose things they both agree on. Am I doing it wrong? When I have a friend over myself, we usually agree what we'd like to do. I had no idea I was breaking some rule of etiquette!

seoraemaeul · 01/02/2011 12:15

I'm thinking my kids can be kind and polite one moment and then bloody awful the next! Maybe that means they are middle class one moment and working class the other? Now looking forward to their upper class stage and what behavior that will bring Hmm

Original poster
ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 12:16

Knitted, I don't expect my dcs to act like adults....they are children and so noise and general play is not outlawed!!

OP posts:
christmaswishes · 01/02/2011 12:18

Posieparker,

Why does the class thing come into it?

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