in thinking kind, polite children are a rarity in the middle classes

[ThePosieParker]

Obviously a flaming type of title, but:

I bring up my dcs to be kind, share, be great hosts, polite, etc.... However whenever they go elsewhere (and I've seen it in my own home) the other children do not have to share and as long as they're out of the way noone bothers to check that they're sharing, not playing on inappropriate games on the internet etc.

I am torn between making them as egocentric as the other children or keeping them kind and therefore walked over. I have said to DH that I'm not going to force them to play whatever their friends want when they come here anymore.

This egocentric precious Johnnie syndrome even stretches to parties where children have some to a party and then 'chosen' children for something extra like a sleepover....

YABU and maybe you need to reassess the type of people you socialise with if this is the norm. I can say with absolute certainty that all the parents we know do not allow their children to behave selfishly. Obviously small children will not always want to share, but all my friends work hard to make their children learn this skill.

I do see PFB types at soft play etc, but I choose not to socialise with people like that because they would annoy me. Some middle class parents think the world revolves around their child, true, but some working class parents have the same opinion. It's nothing to do with class and everything to do with character. I suggest you reassess your friendships.

KUNGFU....I am as we speak!!

Good plan. There are plenty of people out there who no doubt share your views on the importance of children sharing etc.

Do I live in a very odd area then? DS's class is very mixed "class" though no royalty as far as I'm aware and his freinds are the same. Pretty much kids are left to play and any arguments are dealt with by one (or both) paretns saying "well you are supposed to be friends, I'm sure you can sort it out nicely between you, and if you can;t we'll go home"

Occasionally a parent will intervene to ensure fair play but mostly the kids negotiate it themselves (or they don;t stay friends very long).

Is this very unusual then?

Kewcumber - that sounds perfectly normal when children are old enough to understand, although some children I guess might need a bit more guidance in terms of sharing. When children are very small they need a bit more input if they are not going to spend the whole time snatching toys off each other.

well ys obviously when they just grab and bash each other over the head you need to intervene. DS is 5 but I though Posies childrne were around the same age or older.

We don;t do "sharing" much as sharing = give you toy to them. We talk about taking turns.

oh and DS is considered to be very polite by his friends paretns. I don;t think childrne should be "polite" with their friends though. They need to learn to negotiate and have fun not polite.

We don't interpret sharing as handing over the toy the other child wants either. We tend to sit down with both children and help them to play with it together - most of the children in our social circle are between 1 and 3 though which means you need to be a bit more hands on than with a 5 year-old.

I think manners are class-irrelevant and just an indication of how kids think - or if they're young - how their parents think. it's a mistake to link it with class. but confident (could be mistaken for rude - and possibly have pushy parents who take their side) kids are all too often from privildged backgrounds as we know....

Ooooh why did my post get deleted??

true,i pay a wee wummin be polite for dc.no point expending energy being polite etc when they could be undertaking mandarin,violin,japanese, knock knees classes

i read your post and i agree with some of it - mentioning class gets peoples' backs up i guess - but whatever the class thing, i don't like it either if kids are just left to shout and fight among themselves - intervention is better as you have to show them about good behaviour.

And there are certainly spoiled kids out there. I warn my ds not to be a spoiled brat when he tries to cry for things he wants.