in thinking kind, polite children are a rarity in the middle classes

[ThePosieParker]

Obviously a flaming type of title, but:

I bring up my dcs to be kind, share, be great hosts, polite, etc.... However whenever they go elsewhere (and I've seen it in my own home) the other children do not have to share and as long as they're out of the way noone bothers to check that they're sharing, not playing on inappropriate games on the internet etc.

I am torn between making them as egocentric as the other children or keeping them kind and therefore walked over. I have said to DH that I'm not going to force them to play whatever their friends want when they come here anymore.

This egocentric precious Johnnie syndrome even stretches to parties where children have some to a party and then 'chosen' children for something extra like a sleepover....

Not sure I understand this thread. Maybe because I don't know what class I fit into (unsurprisingly I don't qualify under trollys 'queen and tribe') or maybe because I don't know what the word twonk means (although it made me ) or maybe because I am struggling to open a packet of hobnobs?

Okay, so dcs come home and complain that when friends come here they are expected to do what the friends want, within reason, but this doesn't happen at other people's houses. So knowing that dcs have a habit of seeing things through their own eyes, I acknowledged but thought nothing of it. Then when I picked up ds from a friends a went in for a cup of tea (which lasted half an hour) the mother said DS was polite blah blah and that they'd spent most of the time on the playroom on the PC. I then heard DS ask his friend if he could have a go now because he was going home soon and hadn't had a go, the friend said he could watch....

no i didnt mean that. i meant that you are judging them by an adults standard of what is acceptable. maybe you could look at their behaviour from their point of view and from their age range?

Perhaps because the middle class parents, which also form a clique, are the same. Not saying there aren't children everywhere like this, but it's predominantly the 'middle class' (tick all stereotype boxes) children that come here and not the others.

I'm still confused!!!! How the hell is the class system judged and what is the problem?

This is just kids being kids, full stop, no problems, certainly nothing to do with 'class'.

it seems to me you are judging the way other people bring their kids up, do you have the right to do that? you're kids aren't perfect and neither are anyone elses.

No, not by adult standards....just hoping that they're nice,.

No, I'm judging how others allow their dcs to put themselves very much first. This is a little unusual for me.

Kids just being kids?

"This egocentric precious Johnnie syndrome even stretches to parties where children have some to a party and then 'chosen' children for something extra like a sleepover...."

Eh? What's wrong with that? DS2 is having a party and then his best mate is staying over. I don't want a houseful of 8yr olds all night.

how do you mean that they are not nice?

you are judging them too much by your own standards of nice, children show their niceness in different ways to us.

not all middle class people are the same, why dont you invite some working class kids round? you might see that they are more willing to share, take turns etc than the middle class kids? (if we are stereotyping)

No, I don't think this is true. I think you should invite some 'working class' children over and see how polite and kind they are in comparison, or whether you find them, say less polite but more kind, or vice versa.

If you have no experience of working or upper class children, you cannot really judge the middle class ones according to their class.

I know a few middle class children. Some of them will end up in Borstal unless some heavy parenting is done in the next 5 years. Some of them (TheProvincialLady, I'm looking at you) I would quite happily swipe and blame the fae!

Middle class in the overly opinionated treated like special adults way.....forget the lazy stereotype we've all met these children that don't realise that they are not adults, one even interrupted myself and DS as if I would be more interested in his weekend plans than how my son spent his school day.....

The biggest 'child sin' in my area is considered to be spite. Hitting, raucousness, whining, swiping sweeties from the cupboard, all slips under the radar but if those stolen sweeties are hoarded and gloated about, then the parental roaring starts "YOU SELFISH LITTLE COW, YOU'LL HAVE NO FRIENDS IF YOU'RE SPITEFUL!!!!"

Omarian....one child, best mate, is okay.....but I mean when ten kids go to the party and four go back.

Posie, I know where you are coming from. I wouldn't label the whole of the middle class guilty of bringing their children up to be self centered but there is an element of middle class parents who do this.
They seem to think that by not teaching their children to share and be kind they are 'building self confidence' or encouraging a high self esteem. Their children seem cold and calculating and nor particularly bothered about hurting others.
I have had the same problem myself with some particular friends of my children who try to dominate every area of play and can be quite harsh verbally.
It is more important to me to discipline my children if they are being horrible, and to encourage them to consider how their behaviour has an effect on how others feel.
These parents seem to think it is crucial to bring their children up with a sense of entitlement, and to please only themselves.

Saying that, they also have bf who are mc and are sweet,lovely kids, so I am not sure a blanket 'mc' label is the right way to describe it!

I don't agree that children being mean to other children is just 'kids being kids'.
That's a cop-out.

This thread is chasing its tail.... I get where ya comng from op, but I don't think it's a class issue..

Maybe you need to widen your social circle ?? [bwink]

Thank goodness for you MrsR.....

the blanket MC thing was to attract people to the thread, we're mc, the school is mc and therefore my experience is only mc....

Give the OP a break. A lot of children are very spoilt and indulged nowadays and get away with things we wouldn't have as children. Perhaps that is why so many of them are rude obnoxious teenagers who don't stand up on buses for elderly people and shout and roar at the top of their voices using foul language regardless of who is around them.

Well I have, it's taken it's time but I've moved away from the clique set and yummy mummy folk and moved to the nice people that bother to say Good Morning!!

Sounds as though your DCs just choose crap friends. My DCs (who are, incidentally, on the whole, kind, polite and caring) have occasionally brought home a friend whose manners haven't been very appealing, but on the whole, they stick to children like themselves.

Working class parents seem more quick on the uptake in terms of telling their children off for being mean to others ime

YABU

It sounds like your DC are unfortunate to have chosen some obnoxious friends.

Perhaps you are overly sensitive because of being permanently scarred by the Sindy horse episode?

There's almost a proud parent when they see their child dominating others...the dcs have little choice at school and so we're widening the net with outside school activities.

Keep teaching your children to be polite etc they are very good life skills to have , if they are being walked over teach them how to stick up for themselves too they need to learn that not everyone has good manners Regardless of class and they will need to learn to stick up for themselves for when they enter the big wide world. You are not going to get much more than a flaming saying all middleclass children have bad manners and for what it's worth I hate the whole class system, who is anyone to say who is a higher class than who , we are all people regardless of lifestyle money and what kind of house you have . YOur dc would do well to learn that too.