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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it unreasonable to be lazy?

227 replies

KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 10:48

Having read some threads on here about people listing all the things they do every day to support their families and do everything for the children am i the only one on here who just be arsed with it all?

Dont you just refuse to do anything some days and leave your partner to do it all?

like today, i am doing fuck all. im not cooking or cleaning in fact i plan on sleeping for a couple of hours and making dp pick up my son.

Is this lazy? I think alot of people on here need to stop being super mum and do nothing for a while.

OP posts:
Othersideofthechannel · 01/02/2011 21:07

KnittedBreast, have you considered the possibility that your DD might be sleep deprived?

If I understand correctly, she naps for a couple of hours in the afternoon and sleeps at most from 1am to 7am and much of the time her sleep is disturbed.

I feel very Sad for your DS.

Chandon · 02/02/2011 08:14

all the housework martyrs, women calling other women skanks and all that, can you all please go and read

The Whole Woman, Germaine greer

chapter about housework.

Please

OP, you still have my full support.

BingBongSong · 02/02/2011 09:09

OP - YANBU. There is a lot to be said for the odd lazy day, I know they certainly keep me from going insane!

I work out of the house for 4 days a week, and when I want a "lazy day", I take a day of annual leave and pack the children off to nursery Grin. I assume your dp does the same?

My ds went through an extremely clingy stage recently (wouldn't sleep unless I was with him, had to be lifted whenever he was awake, making most jobs impossible), which lasted for 4 weeks. I was drained by the end of it. We had to let him scream it out for a couple of weeks (2 hours one night :(), but he has eventually settled fine.

Can't believe the number of housework martyrs on this thread, or the amazing lack of empathy. OP has a clingy daughter, so she has "spoiled her child and now she's a nightmare".

TheCowardlyLion · 02/02/2011 09:53

BingBongSong - I think there's a difference between 'housework martyrs' and those who proudly boast that they have never dusted or cleaned the windows. Most of the posters on this thread are simply saying that they have fairly good standards of hygiene/cleanliness rather than claiming to be Kim and Aggie all rolled into one Hmm

And I think again there is a difference between a clingy baby and the way the OP describes her daughter - I've experienced clingy babies but never two year olds that demanded to be held constantly. I think the OP needs to post for some parenting advice perhaps.

Original poster
KnittedBreast · 02/02/2011 10:13

Thank you all for the support and also to all the pms i have received :)

never once have i said i never do anything, just that when i am having a lazy day i dont do anything.

She is indeed a velcro baby (one that sticks to you and dosunt want to be away). If i did what i needed to get her to sleep i wouldnt be able to leave her and would spend the whole time with her in my arms sice every single time i try to wriggle away she without fail wakes up and screams.

My daughter also cried the whole time im cooking, i couldnt use a sling because she hates them and also because of her size i wouldnt want to wear that while cooking. She needs to learn to be seperatre from me and gradually i am setting up activities for her, the problem is as soon as i walk away she screams and then she wont play it again.

as for going to my hv about parenting tips (thanks a lot my children are extremly well turned out and happy) i have done and the advice from gp and hv was the same-let her scream it out. I CANT do this, ss would be round. you have no idea about her scream ive never heard a child cry that loudly. also it isnt fair on the rest of the family.

she probebly is over tired-but what can i do? surrender myself over to her, screw my son, the hosue, dinner and bills? no of course not.

she is the happiest child, blows kisses to everyone laughs and plays jokes tell me she loves me. but if i am on my own with her she has to have me, if one of you or dp were there shes fine. even when her brothers there she can be ok. its just me.

there is no point having a hv round as shel act fine, i cant rely on having someone else there all the time as nothing is really changing shes just being placated.

i think its a stage, we are an incredibally close family but once she is old enough for a free place at nursery shes going!!

to all those of you who were being awful, i hope that you have a child one day that acts this way, if you do i shall laugh and tell you to suck it up-parenting how hard can it be??

OP posts:
TheDevilAndTheDeepBlueSea · 02/02/2011 10:23

I never once criticised your parenting. You know why? Because you didn't mention your problems with your daughter until much, much later.

Next time, perhaps you would be good enough to furnish us with all the information before you ask for an opinion.

Lovesdogsandcats · 02/02/2011 11:01

Knitted, it does get easier. My first fed every hour and a half round the clock, and never slept for years, had to co sleep just to get some.

it is easier on you and your sanity just to go with it because crying it out kills you and them - its so difficult and yes, if you have not been there, keep your gobs shut!!!

BingBongSong · 02/02/2011 12:47

I would agree that there is definitely a difference between someone saying "I can't remember the last time I did my skirting boards and I'm not sure I know how to polish", and someone responding "I would hate to see the state of your house, you must be a skank"....

ChildrenShouldBeSeenNotHeard · 02/02/2011 13:01

"My first fed every hour and a half round the clock, and never slept for years, had to co sleep just to get some."

How?

I mean, did this newborn child get up and attach itself to the breast / make itself a bottle of formula every hour and a half?

Or did YOU feed it every hour and a half?

You make your own choices and you create your own problems by immediately shoving milk into a babies mouth every time it squeaks or picking up a toddler every time it demands it.
Velcro baby my arse.

As for 'co-sleeping' - don;t even get me started on the idiotic habit of teaching your baby that it can't sleep alone.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 02/02/2011 13:41

Is it not possible to have empathy with someone who doesn't happen to have done things the way you would have done them?

I'd hate to think this standard applied in all areas of life: 'well, you didn't do your homework/took the wrong A-level options, it serves you right you can't get a job - don't come looking for sympathy her.'

We all know the 'rod for your own back' theories hold no water. 'God, you feed your baby when it's hungry? Idiot.' Hmm

staranise · 02/02/2011 13:51

TBH, I wish I could relax a bit more - I find it very difficult to sit down if there's stuff that needs doing eg, laundry but this isn't a good thing and I think my kids in particular get annoyed with my inability to relax and jsut chill out with them instead of always feeling I have to be doing something.

Of course there's nothing wrong with doing nothing every now and again - like people say, a child is 24 hours a day and no office job is a hard or demanding as childcare day in, day out.

prettymuchapixiegirl · 02/02/2011 13:53

We're not talking about a new baby though are we? Like I said in my other post, I would be concerned if my 2 year old was behaving like your 2 year old does, OP. By 2, mine have all been able to amuse themselves for short periods and have certainly been past that "newborn clingy" stage

clevercloggs · 02/02/2011 13:56

there is something wrong with a child that continually screams as the OP described

WhatsWrongWithYou · 02/02/2011 14:01

Yes, and I've repeated this several times already now: the OP might do well to start a thread in Parenting for advice.

Lovesdogsandcats · 02/02/2011 14:09

ChildrenShouldBeSeenNotHeard my baby had gastric reflux, and was constantly vomiting back feeds, hence always starving hungry.

Lovesdogsandcats · 02/02/2011 14:09

And, co sleeping was done for ME not the baby!!

comewhinewithme · 02/02/2011 16:20

ChildrenShouldBeSeenNotHeard What a load of bollocks I have had 6 dc -my first five were good sleepers and ate well and were sleeping through by 8 weeks old.
No6 will not be put down and screams for hours if I go out, she is still not sleeping though at 20 months and hates food Confused
She has had the same upbringing as my older (and calmer) children so how do you explain the difference ?

I am stressed,sleep deprived and behind on the housework a lot of the time because of her.

Othersideofthechannel · 02/02/2011 17:13

I have to admit, I am not sure what 'polishing' is as a regular chore.

I have a silver candlestick which gets tarnished and needs polishing every few months.

I have a couple of bits of wooden furniture and stairs which are supposed to be waxed a couple of times of year.

But I don't 'polish' anything else in my house and was never aware of my parents polishing anything when I was growing up.

Sorry about the hijack KnittedBreast, but if someone could enlighten me, I'd be grateful.

usualsuspect · 02/02/2011 17:15

I never polish anything ..a quick wipe round with a wet cloth, does that count?

Othersideofthechannel · 02/02/2011 17:16

I don't know, I don't know what 'polishing' is Grin

Ripeberry · 02/02/2011 17:22

Sometimes you feel like having a 'strike'and not doing waht is expected of you.Just because you are the only one who does the work in the house and in the end you are just punishing yourself as YOU will end up having to do it ANYWAY!
I don't mind work, don't mind hard work (digging in the garden), cutting up logs, hard manual tasks, but the drudgery of everyday tasks makes you depressed! Sad

Cloudybum · 02/02/2011 18:12

No I agree with OP, why the hell put strain on yourself 24/7 - being a mum can be shit, being a wife can be shit being the two = slave sometimes... have that day off OP!!!

xx

baskingseals · 02/02/2011 21:12

tbh i think it's actually irrelevant if the op has 10 beautifully behaved self-suffficent children or 1 or indeed none

the point is whether it's unreasonable to have a lazy day every now and then, and the answer to that is NO it's not, whatever your circumstances

hope you enjoyed it op

baskingseals · 03/02/2011 13:52

this is annoying me!

fwiw i do not think that the op 'drip feed', rather when she was told that she was being unreasonable, she then gave more information than perhapes she felt comfortable giving.

boyscomingoutofmyears · 03/02/2011 14:31

Completely agree with you baskingseals. The OP simply started a light-hearted post saying she can't be bothered to do anything today so the cleaning can wait until tomorrow. Her daughter is irrelevant.

Some people on here could really do with a strike day once in a while, perhaps spend it having a bath and a bottle or 10 of wine to help you to chill the hell out