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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it unreasonable to be lazy?

227 replies

KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 10:48

Having read some threads on here about people listing all the things they do every day to support their families and do everything for the children am i the only one on here who just be arsed with it all?

Dont you just refuse to do anything some days and leave your partner to do it all?

like today, i am doing fuck all. im not cooking or cleaning in fact i plan on sleeping for a couple of hours and making dp pick up my son.

Is this lazy? I think alot of people on here need to stop being super mum and do nothing for a while.

OP posts:
onehotmomma · 01/02/2011 13:18

Didn't say there was a diffence Grin if he really does nothing at all then doing the washing up if fair imo.

I don't think it's fair that when the Other one works that they should do nothing when they get home. Even it's just reading/homework with kids. Nothing big and It's not a lot of effort imo. I'm normally doing dinner while DH does this.

when I was working ft and dh a sahd I used to do the washing during the week and clean, cook at take/pick up son to nursery on my days off

Cat98 · 01/02/2011 13:19

2 days a week I work. And also, as I said I do cook a meal most days. I would have time to do housework - the 45 mins that DS is asleep, but I have a rest then. I don't let DS watch tv unless I am cooking dinner, so I usually need to entertain him if we are at home. Or we go out and about.

TheDevilAndTheDeepBlueSea · 01/02/2011 13:20

I totally agree with you, onehotmomma

When ex was SAHD, I caught up on housework and childcare after work so that he could have some time off from looking after ds, because it's knackering. It's a shame that by the very virtue of having tits and a fanny, that some women on this thread don't think that they should do the same Hmm

TrillianAstra · 01/02/2011 13:21

Your posts are fluctuating between 'I do everything and deserve a break' (perfectly reaosnable) and 'I do fuck all ever and think DP should do it all'. So which is it?

I agree with Reality

Cat98 · 01/02/2011 13:21

I wish I had a child that would behave beautifully and sit quietly and play with his toys while I cleaned the house, but I don't! If I left him to it do do the housework he'd be getting up to all sorts. He's only 2!

mrsnellie · 01/02/2011 13:21

We don't have specific jobs, whoever is here during the day does what needs to be done, that way there is no resentment if things that are 'yours' don't get done. Although DH does do most of the cooking as he really enjoys it. If everything is done we enjoy a few lazy hours before school pick up but I can't relax if things are in a mess.

TheDevilAndTheDeepBlueSea · 01/02/2011 13:23

None of them sit quietly and play with their toys for hours on end! You just have to find a way to get the stuff done. How do you think Reality manages with loads of them in the house? Blimey.

bubblewrapped · 01/02/2011 13:23

What utter bollocks.

There was no tv when I was a kid, but my mother didnt spend her whole day entertaining me... and the house was always tidy.

Most people cook a meal most days.. its a normal part of everyday life.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2011 13:23

I am disappearing up my own sphincter in horror at the thought of what the OP's skirting boards must look like.

If you have never ever dusted since living there, you are a skank.

And I would be very very pissed off if I had been at work all day and had to come home and do the dishes, and my partner had just spent the day on the sofa.

I would probably just walk out the house and go out for dinner.

Original poster
KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 13:24

ok to clarify once more.

on my lazy day like today i am choosing to do nothing.

when have i ever said i do fuck all ever?

i do fuck EVERYTHING most of the time, and so i am having a day where i do NOTHING and hugely enjoying it too.

There we are. my post was it is unreasonable to have times where you do nothing and your dp picks up the slack? imo no.

OP posts:
AvaBanana · 01/02/2011 13:25

I am naturally lazy, and right now my house is a tip, as I am shattered from a heavy work day yesterday to do a thing about it. I couldn't even be arsed to do half an hour's housework. I will load the dishwasher and do some tea for the kids. That is all. In the meantime, I am happily sitting on the sofa MN-ing and will be doing so (in between perhaps snoozing) until school home time Grin

However 'don't you ever just leave it all to your DH' sounds a bit...immature? If one of us is exhausted or unwell, the other will happily pick up the slack if it is discussed and agreed. I wouldnt just sit on my arse and expect my DH to run around, though, and he wouldn't do it to me either.

anamerican · 01/02/2011 13:25

I suppose I am skank too then...what an awful word BTW

anamerican · 01/02/2011 13:26

whoops meant a skank.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2011 13:26

Cat98 - one way of entertaining a child is to hand them a duster and get them to help you tidy.

Or settle your toddler with a pile of bricks on the kitchen floor as you tidy around him.

Play chase the mop as you mop the floors (this works with cats as well).

Clean the bathroom whilst your child is in the bath.

Christ almighty anyone would think that looking after one 2 year old child is hard.

Cat98 · 01/02/2011 13:28

Well bravo to all these people who find being a mum to a 2 year old easier than I do. Or maybe you just don't have my child!

Or maybe it's a bit of both, I don't know - a shit mum and a difficult child.
Either way, I try my best and I can't find time to get much done other than cooking dinner. (So DP does have a hot meal on the table when he gets home - which was referred to earlier as being very 1920's!) I need a break when DS is asleep, he's so full on.

But seriously, if anyone has any actual advice on how to do stuff with a 2 year old in tow (rather than "you just find a way") then I would be grateful. Honestly.

TheDevilAndTheDeepBlueSea · 01/02/2011 13:28

Yes. When does he get the chance to be lazy?

Original poster
KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 13:29

in honesty i imagine i wouldnt have my lazy day if my youngest was much easier to look after, she can be such hard work that he HAS to help out by doing the washing up.

ive said to people how difficult she can be and they smile and nod until they come round or out with us and see what its like. most of them have told me they have no idea how i manage and say they would have walked out.

i manage because he helps out, he knows if dousnt do this one thing that allows me to keep everything else ticking over

OP posts:
Cat98 · 01/02/2011 13:30

x posted GetOrfMoiLand.

Your first idea wouldn't work. He doesn't sit quietly with bricks. Really.

Clean the bathroom while he's in the bath does actually happen, we bath him in the evening and I do this sometimes while DP baths him.

We don't have a mop. Our floors are all carpet apart form the kitchen which is v small and gets hoovered at weekends.

RealityIsKnockedUp · 01/02/2011 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

christmaswishes · 01/02/2011 13:34

I'm sure people have days when they don't do too much but being considerate to your partner is free. The way you worded your post was to say leave it all for him to do. Well no that is not caring or right if he has to get in from work and do everything as you put it whilst you could have done it whilst you have done nothing all day. He shouldn't have to do his job then all housework and kid duties should he?

24 hours err yeh!

RealityIsKnockedUp · 01/02/2011 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 13:35

he has his chance at the weekends or if he comes home early takes holiday or half a day. and all evening and he dousnt get up once with our youngest who will not sleep without me.

she screams constantly until i pick her up, she wont go to bed without me and if i go to bed with her wakes up as soon as i move even if ive been in bed with her for 4 hours. i have an older child who cried when she screams because its so loud. no one will be around my youngest because they cant put up with her crying.

so if im up at 7, i do 2.5 or 3 hours just taking my eldest to school, homework, bedtime, dinner etc...everyday and then spend up until 1 sometimes 3 am every single night trying to get slip away as my youngest sleeps and think that me having a lazy day when i do fuck all is out of order i am so pleased i am not your partner.

If your husbands were doing that each day are you telling me youd be pissed if he had the day off occassionally? or that you had to to the washing up?

if so YABFU!!!

OP posts:
onehotmomma · 01/02/2011 13:35

cat does he like to help with cleaning? both my dd and ds did when they were little (not now thoughHmmlol)

I would give my kids a baby wipe to clean the tv stand or there toys whilst I got on with other things. They also had a little toy dyson hoover which they used when I was doing the hoovering. Whilst doing the kitchen I would give them a damp clothe to wipe the cupboards when I was washing up etc. It may be worth a try :)

MommyMayhem · 01/02/2011 13:36

I do a full clean ie all the washing/put dry clothes away, hoover the whole house/clean bathroom/toilet/kitchen in under an hour

Wow, that's impressive, lovescatsanddaogs! What's your secret?

MommyMayhem · 01/02/2011 13:38

I happen to think that if one partner is at work all day, then the one at home should do all the housework.

When our DS was small, I worked full-time whilst my DH was at home, so he did everything. Since last year it has been the other way around, so I do everything. I don't understand people who expect their DP's to come home after a day's work and start doing housework.