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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DS out of nursery after 4 sessions?

147 replies

Fourleaf · 01/02/2011 09:35

I just left DS (15 months) at nursery, screaming and reaching out for me. I feel terrible. He only does 1 session a week (plus 2 mornings with my Mum), and has been going for a month. It is a nice place, and the staff said that last week he seemed to have fun and stopped crying as soon as I went.

BUT at home he is so much more clingy than he ever used to be, and his reaction to me leaving him at nursery seems to be getting worse and worse. The time I have now is precious to me (I work PT from home) but it's not worth it if DS is going to be traumatised. I could put him in for 1 more session and see if he settles better, but that seems silly if I don't really need it.

AIBU to take him out and try to work with him here?

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 01/02/2011 09:37

Are you going to be able to work with him around? Realistically?

Can you cope financially if you have to stop work? Or can you work in the evenings when he is in bed?

I would leave it a bit longer. Ask the nursery if you can phone an hour after you leave him so that you know that he is settled.

Tee2072 · 01/02/2011 09:38

It took my DS, 14 months at the time, about 6 weeks to completely settle. I was just about to pull him, after leaving him sobbing for most of those days, when it just clicked and he started to enjoy it. I also was sobbing, BTW!

It's really hard to work with a small person around. I'd give him a few more sessions.

Nancy66 · 01/02/2011 09:38

I would do what you did - I think 15 months is too young for a nursery.

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 09:39

Personally unless I absolutely had to I wouldn't leave my child screaming and crying in a nursery.

compo · 01/02/2011 09:40

I think 1 session a week when they're that little is too infrequent - they don't get a bond going with their keyworker IMO

ThePosieParker · 01/02/2011 09:40

I left all dcs at around 2.5 and none, not one, cried at all....they were secure enough to understand and know I would return.

clevercloggs · 01/02/2011 09:41

i wouldnt put him in if he hates it so much

he is still a baby who wants and needs his mum

LeninGrad · 01/02/2011 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

turkeyboots · 01/02/2011 09:43

1 session (half a day?) a week may not be enough to get familiar with the place. The nursery I use won't take kids for 1 day a week (which is 2 sessions) as they don't settle well generally.

Is there any other optinon?

gingeroots · 01/02/2011 09:43

If it's any help I think 15 months is a bit young to settle with just one session a week .
Mine didn't go until they were 3 and they were very secure and settled .
Hard I know .

ChestnutSoup · 01/02/2011 09:44

I'm watching this with interest as my DD2 is struggling to settle at nursery too. She is nearly 12 months and is doing two days. It started well, but the last couple of weeks she has been very upset when we have got there, and the staff have said that she has been OK (but not great) or have called me to collect her early.

I have no choice as I have to go back to work in two weeks, but it's so hard (for both of us) and I really feel for you.

PandaG · 01/02/2011 09:44

I think I would be inclined to try puting him for 2 sessions a week - it is a long time to get reused tothe setting agin waiting a whole week for the next session.

4 sessions really isn't very long for him to have settled in, so I would persevere a little longer, particularly as you are using the time to work. I think it would be really difficult to work round him, and would mean you had less time to do fun things together.

I would ask the nursery to phone you once he has settled. How are you doinf the drop off? Would it be easier if a partner or GP dropped him off instead of you, or can you just hanmd over to keyworker, say goodbye amd leave without any protracted goodbyes - I usually find the 'dump amd run' technique works best for children who find being left difficult, it gets it over quicker. - you know your own child of course and whether this would distress him more.

have you tried leaving something of yours at nursery, saying you will come back for it and him - eg set of keys, or your hat, something he associates with you?

hope he settles soon or you work out how to work around him Smile

Original poster
Fourleaf · 01/02/2011 09:45

Thanks for the replies. I think I will see how he is after today (pick him up at 1pm) but I am now seriously thinking about taking him out, at least for now. It is good to have these opinions as DH is very pro him going to nursery so I would have to really stand my ground.

OP posts:
controlpantsandgladrags · 01/02/2011 09:45

I would take him out and look for a childminder. DD started with her childminder at 15 months (2 half days) and then we moved her to nursery at 2.5 when she was more able to cope with it.

PandaG · 01/02/2011 09:46

bah, sticky keyboard, lots of letters not come up! sorry!

Original poster
Fourleaf · 01/02/2011 09:46

Cross post with Panda - yes I could increase his sessions but I don't really need all that time ATM...

OP posts:
compo · 01/02/2011 09:47

Could your mum have him for an extra morning a week?

Original poster
Fourleaf · 01/02/2011 09:47

But will think about it thanks :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Fourleaf · 01/02/2011 09:47

My Mum works PT too so can't really have him anymore sadly...

OP posts:
Nagoo · 01/02/2011 09:48

agree with compo. I put mine in for 2 session and it still took him a long time to settle. By that i mean the leaving me bit. He was fine all day, and happy when I collected him.

I think it's natural to make a fuss when he leaves you, nursery is not part of a routine yet, so he's going to try his luck and see if he can get to stay with you, he loves you and wants to be with you.

Once the routine is established he'll know just to get on with having fun as mummy has to work, and there is no choice about it. The crying at drop off is for your benefit IYSWIM.

If you are not comfortable putting him in, then he's yours, and you do whjat you need to.

If I were in your place I'd try to put him in more frequently (subject to £) my DS did 2 days. I had to work, there was no choice about it, but he settled quicker once it became routine. I knew he was happy there.

Original poster
Fourleaf · 01/02/2011 09:48

Sorry should have said any_more - she is happy to do 2 mornings...

OP posts:
Grabaspoon · 01/02/2011 09:49

As a room leader working with this age I have always suggested that the child does 2 mornings/pm's or 2 full days a week as otherwise there is too long between each session.

Is there anyway he can do 2 sessions a week until he settles properly?

Fantoosh · 01/02/2011 09:50

Give it time. As you say, he's fine after you have left...so distraction obviously works.

It won't do him any harm to spend short periods of time with other people, he will learn independence which totally opens up your world.

My dd is having problems settling into the creche on Monday mornings, but I have never thought to remove her. She will get used to it. She has to.

I think it's important that you oersist with this, because once you realise that after a time, he is used to it and fine, you will be more confident making other parenting decisions in future. I bet if you cave in now, it will set a precedent for the way you deal with things in future.

I can say this with some confidence as I am on my third tot. 4 sessions isn't many - you have barely given it a chance. Good luck!

Nagoo · 01/02/2011 09:50

x-post, what panda says.

I also 'dump and run', avoids protracted crying sessions. I have also hidden for a bit then come and watched him play when he thinks i'm gone. Felt much better for that.

threefeethighandrising · 01/02/2011 09:50

I would second looking for a CM. At that age - even with the best will in the world - a nursery is still a big and impersonal place compared to a CM.

A CM can give him much more individual attention than a nursery. You can look for a CM who has other children so that your DS gets the social side too.

We found both of our lovely CMs (we needed a new one because we moved) through www.childcare.co.uk

CMs are inspected by OFSTED, it's definitely worth asking so see their most recent report if you're trying to make your mind up IMO.

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