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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you do it when it is your time of the month?

175 replies

QueenStromba · 31/01/2011 22:21

My current DP doesn't want to have sex while I'm on my period. The issue has only come up in one previous relationship and he was fine with it so I was just wondering how many people have sex while on their period and if you don't is it your choice or your DP's?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 02/02/2011 12:23

QueenS I would be hurt too if my dh was like that. I was going to suggest those disposable diapragm (sp) like tampons. I don't get what he means about paying attention about your cycle? I'm having a thick day, so sorry if it's obvious Blush

And the 'mess' issue -seriously how much mess is there that a quick shower won't sort out, I mean come on!

valiumredhead · 02/02/2011 12:25

chandonIt's all about bodily fluids anyway, isn't it? With or without the menstrual blood...

exactly!

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 12:36

Yeah Chandon - I'd get it if he was a muslim or African or something but he's an atheist who's about as English as you can get. I'm extra surprised that he'd rather go without completely for a week given his really high sex drive. As for the shower idea - it sounds like a good way for us both to end up with broken bones! He's a foot taller than me and weighs less than me and we're both really clumsy at the best of times!

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Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 12:39

valiumredhead: I suggested getting the beppy sponge tampons and just not telling him if I had my period and he said that if I was going to do that then he would keep better track of when I should have my period so he'd know not to have sex with me.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 02/02/2011 12:40

Queen I meant a shower after not during Grin

valiumredhead · 02/02/2011 12:41

Sorry, x posted Queen - oh blimey, I would be very hurt about that comment.

tyler80 · 02/02/2011 12:48

I wouldn't at the beginning, too much mess and cervix is always really low at the beginning of period so I think it would be uncomfy for me. Tbh I don't really know his views, just that he's not pushed when I've said it's not going to happen.

Day 3 onwards tend to just do foreplay type stuff (mooncup) but I don't think he'd be squeamish if I felt like more.

tyler80 · 02/02/2011 12:51

I don't understand the sponge tampons, wouldn't the action just squeeze out the contents of said tampons?

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 12:52

I'm glad it's not just me - I was thinking that I was just being a crazy hormonal bint being this upset about it.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 02/02/2011 12:53

Tyler : I imagine they lie high up next to the cervix. I've not used them, only Sea Pearls.

KikiJane · 02/02/2011 12:54

Definitely not unreasonable to be upset at feeling rejected, especially when you both have normally high sex drives.

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 12:55

Prostitutes use sponges all the time. According to Secret Diary of a London Callgirl they're definitely fine for an hour or two.

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valiumredhead · 02/02/2011 12:55

I wonder why he objects even when there is no chance of him seeing or coming into contact with and blood? Confused

tyler80 · 02/02/2011 12:58

I think it's probably just me then, my cervix is v.low during period. Can touch it fairly easily with my finger and willys are usually longer than fingers Grin

momentsintime · 02/02/2011 12:59

Of course! Never had a DP who wouldn't.but then I'm a lezzer and girls just aren't fussed. BTW does your DP realise that there's still a lot you both can get up to when you're wearing a tampon?? You can gave a shower etc and still be 'fresh' as it were.

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 13:06

Actually you've just made me realise that the sponge tampons probably aren't a great idea - last time I was at the GUM clinic the nurse said I had a long vagina so it would probably take a trip to the doctor to get the thing out again!

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 02/02/2011 13:11

If you squat in the bath and bear down - they are easier to get out Queen ( don't ask me how I know!) Or try 'Soft cups?'

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 14:05

momentsintime: I've told him that I use a mooncup and that there's no way he'd be able to tell I had my period as long as he stuck to the outside. His last girlfriend didn't have periods so I'm thinking maybe he thinks I'm the abnormal one rather than her.

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MrsSawyer · 02/02/2011 14:26

his last girlfriend didnt have periods??????

Im sure thats not true, you are not abnormal for having a period queen!

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 02/02/2011 14:33

ALouiseQ if they are having you on, also having me on too ... what I have aleays been told Grin

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 15:06

She was really skinny apparently, sounds to me like she had starved herself to the point where she didn't get periods. The idea that his last girlfriend was skinny to the point that her reproductive system didn't work properly and he was fine with that isn't doing my self esteem any good either (especially since he told me this on the same day he told me that he didn't want to do anything for the rest of the week0.

OP posts:
Chandon · 02/02/2011 16:16

If he prefers a woman so skinny she has no curves, and one that doesn't menstruate....he's not really into women...so you'd never be good enough, would you?!

...

valiumredhead · 02/02/2011 16:22

Oh Lordy Queen that all sounds a bit odd. You poor thing.
It reminds me of that artist (can't remember his name, my sister told me as she did art history) who used to draw women really out of proportion (as he had never actually seen a nude woman) and when he actually married, he was disgusted when he discovered women had pubic hair and wouldn't go near his poor wife! Sad

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 16:30

He definitely seems to fancy me for the rest of the month it's just a shame that he's managing to make me feel unloved at the time of the month where I could do with more reassurance.

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Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 20:51

I really can't believe that I'm seriously thinking of breaking up with a guy because he won't have sex with me on my period! The fact that he feels icky about the idea of me using a sponge of so he wouldn't even know just makes me think that the whole thing is untenable.

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