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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you do it when it is your time of the month?

175 replies

QueenStromba · 31/01/2011 22:21

My current DP doesn't want to have sex while I'm on my period. The issue has only come up in one previous relationship and he was fine with it so I was just wondering how many people have sex while on their period and if you don't is it your choice or your DP's?

OP posts:
sadisticlies · 01/02/2011 16:22

Ew. Wouldn't it be a bit messy? :|

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 01/02/2011 16:22

yeah, i do.
but i have a very light flow, and don't ever seem to get periods pains. stick to the missionary, quick dismount and there's no more mess than usual.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 01/02/2011 16:25

I'd rather not. I tend to crave chocolate, wear trackies and like crying. None of which is particularly sexy.

MoonUnitAlpha · 01/02/2011 16:25

Just put a towel down.

sadisticlies · 01/02/2011 16:29

Yeah that's so romatic. Getting all freaky then it's like wow stop, lemme put this towel down incase I blob everywhere.

I'd rather wait a week thanks.

Original poster
QueenStromba · 01/02/2011 16:40

Alouiseg: I'm not trying to pressure him into it - he said this morning that we could do it if it was that much of an issue and I said that I'd rather not if he didn't want to. Otherwise things are perfect sexually - we both have really high sex drives so it's a refreshing change for both of us to have a partner who can keep up. Part of my problem is that it's a big adjustment to go from having sex nearly 20 times last week to absolutely nothing this week (unless I want to give him a hand job and let him play with boobs which would just make me even more frustrated and resentful).

OP posts:
NancyDrewHasaClue · 01/02/2011 16:58

I only discovered some woman didn't have sex during their period from MN!

I do.

Usually avoid it if really heavy but otherwise not an issue and I have never had a partner for who it was an issue either.

Asteria · 02/02/2011 09:41

QueenStromba - I haven't had sex in nearly a year Sad try that for adjustment!!!

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 10:17

Asteria: I could handle no sex if one of us was away or ill, it's the feeling of rejection of him sleeping in my bed when he doesn't want to touch me that I can't bear. It's only day three of my period and I'm starting to think that Alouiseg is right - I really don't think I can handle this for a week every month, especially not if the pill is going to keep giving me such bad PMS - I feel really crappy and he's denying me intimacy which I know would make me feel a lot better.

OP posts:
Asteria · 02/02/2011 10:20

If you feel that bad then you really should tell him - then jump him! Grin

HappySeven · 02/02/2011 10:28

QueenStromba, have you tried the mini-pill? I was on Cerazette for a while and my periods just stopped. Sadly so did my sex-drive making it a very effective contraceptive but I'm guessing it doesn't effect everyone that way.

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 10:38

I'm on the mini-pill (micronor/norethisterone), this is my first period on it and I'm much lighter than usual. I'd been thinking of getting the implant anyway since it's a lot more reliable and you just don't have to worry about it. This has spurred me on to actually make an appointment so I'm having it fitted next week.

OP posts:
StrikeUpTheBand · 02/02/2011 10:57

QueenStromba, if you are feeling this bad now (and if it is out of character) with the Micronor, step well away from it is my advice! I am just going from my own experience when I was on it - I actually felt suicidal (for no obvious reason). I spent 3 months as an emotional, depressed blubbering wreck and it was miserable. I wish I'd stopped sooner as it damaged my relationship with DP (although it was 13 years ago and we're still together, it took a while to get past this time as lots of things were said and done that we both regret).

StrikeUpTheBand · 02/02/2011 10:58

PS I've heard about the implant having some similar effects as well so I decided to steer clear personally...

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 11:09

I think it's just the combination of the pill and my period (plus the rejection from my DP) that is making me feel so crappy. My appointment isn't until Friday week so that should give me almost a week after my period to see if it is just that - if I'm still feeling like crap then I won't have it put in. I'll also make sure that they're willing to take it out straight away if I am having problems with it.

OP posts:
Asteria · 02/02/2011 11:12

How about getting the coil? Not the Mirena as that has hormones in it too... Perhaps getting away from chemical contraception will help? I was so ill on the pill and the Mirena nearly killed me - all that junk coursing through our veins can't be that good for us can it?
As for sex drive - mine has got better (I have always been a randy old tart anyway Grin) since getting rid of the chemicals - it's just a shame that I'm now single!!

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 11:28

The coil isn't going to work for me because I tend to have heavy painful periods anyway. Condoms don't work for us because I have a slight latex allergy and he's too big for non latex condoms (and we both hate the bloody things anyway!). It's either hormones or him getting a vasectomy which neither of us are too keen on despite the fact that we don't want kids. If the implant doesn't work out then we will have to revisit the idea (although then he will definitely have to man the fuck up and at least be willing to play with my clit while I'm wearing my mooncup which never leaks so the chances of him coming into contact with any blood are ridiculously small).

OP posts:
KikiJane · 02/02/2011 11:37

Sometimes we do, and if I were to show an interest in having sex during my period, my bf would jump at it. I just tend not to because the clean-up is unpleasant. But it really depends...sometimes we do and sometimes we don't.

My bf loves it when I have my period. I go up a cup size! He calls it 'boobs and blowjobs week'.

KikiJane · 02/02/2011 11:40

Also, it's perfectly possible for...ummm...'manual stimulation' or even oral sex to happen if you're wearing a tampon or mooncup.

cantspel · 02/02/2011 11:42

Why does a man have to have sex or any sexual contact just to please a woman at a time he would prefer not to?

If it was a woman coming on here saying her oh was putting presure on her to have sex when she was on her period (or any other reason) and didn't want to you would all be up in arms with cries of leave the bastardand what an unfeeling arse he is.

valiumredhead · 02/02/2011 11:43

What BluddyMoFo said - I've never met a man who didn't want to! Grin

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 11:45

I know that full well KikiJane, that's the main reason I feel so rejected - there's no reason for him to be treating me like I don't exist from the waist down even if he really can't stand menstrual blood.

OP posts:
KikiJane · 02/02/2011 11:47

Sorry, QS, that wasn't aimed at you so much as all the 'eeewwwwwwww'-people.

Original poster
QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 12:14

cantspel: I'm not trying to force him into anything - he has offered to do it in a "if I really have to" sort of way and I've told him not to bother. I feel upset and rejected because he doesn't want to touch me (yes I know I'm being a bit hormonal and irrational here but I can't help the way I feel). I started this thread to show him that it was a pretty normal thing in the hope that it would make him think about it in a different way and decide that it wasn't actually that icky after all but it hasn't worked. I can understand why he wouldn't want to have intercourse because of the mess but what I don't get is that he doesn't even want to play with my clit even though there is basically zero chance of him coming into contact with any blood and I really don't get his response of "if you did that I'd have to pay closer attention to where you are in your cycle" to my suggestion that I get some of the beppy sponge tampons and in future he wouldn't even have to know I had my period.

OP posts:
Chandon · 02/02/2011 12:23

DH idea: Do it in the shower.

And sometimes I don't feel like it those days, Dh wouldn't care, doesn't think it would be "dirtier" than any other kind of sex.

It's all about bodily fluids anyway, isn't it? With or without the menstrual blood...

If a man would find menstruation "dirty" that would bother me actually.