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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wanting to sing hymms at a civil wedding ceremony?

156 replies

MrsHenryWood · 27/01/2011 13:33

And possibly have religious readings too? I see these things as lovely parts of my cultural heritage, and don't see why I shouldn't be able to have access to them, just because I'm not getting married in a church.

AIBU? Or is it time that the law changed?

OP posts:
TarheelMama · 27/01/2011 13:34

As long as it's your wedding, do what you want. Smile

ThronesDominations · 27/01/2011 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

narkypuffin · 27/01/2011 13:35

If you want hymns get married in a church.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 27/01/2011 13:36

Why aren't you getting married in a church?

crisptart · 27/01/2011 13:36

Hymns and religious readings can only be done in church.
If you want the religious side of it I don't understand why you're not getting married in a church?

twolittlemonkeys · 27/01/2011 13:41

I agree, if hymns and religious readings are important, go for a church wedding. Alternatively you can have a humanist ceremony and do whatever you like (though these aren't legally binding iirc) then nip to the registry office with a couple of witnesses to make it official.

curlymama · 27/01/2011 13:42

If the religious part means alot to you, you need to be getting married in a church.

But the good thing about civil ceremonies is that you can be a bit creative, there are some lovely readings that you could use, and there's no reason why you can't sing something else.

Changing2011 · 27/01/2011 13:42

Hymns are usually about loving God and serving God etc.

MsBethel · 27/01/2011 13:44

YANBU

A bit of shakespeare, some cheesy song, a hymn - what's the difference? Who makes up these bloody rules?

Suppose I started a religion worshipping Cliff Richard. Would that mean that 'Wired for sound' would be verboten at the ceremony?

thefurryone · 27/01/2011 13:44

I didn't get married in a church but I did get married by a vicar which meant we could have all the hymns and religous readings we wanted. Could that be an option for you?

redhappy · 27/01/2011 13:45

Is it really the law you can't sing them out of church?

YANBU I don't think. But I'm not one for rules, that's why I don't get on with religion I think.

FreudianSlippery · 27/01/2011 13:46

We had a civil wedding in a hotel, and were explicitly told by the registrar that we were NOT allowed any religious readings or music - they actually had to check them first. Sorry!

We had classical music playing, and our two readings were poems I wrote when I first met DH when I was 15. It was lovely :)

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 13:47

YABU. If you really don't want a church wedding but want to sing hymns and have readings, how about a blessing as well?

Hassled · 27/01/2011 13:48

We wanted "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys at our registry office and were told we couldn't - no references to God whatsoever. If you want references to God, have a church service.

ashamedandconfused · 27/01/2011 13:49

Its not the law that you cant sing hymns out of church - it IS the law that you cant have any religious element at a civil ceremony - thats what they are for!

MsBethel · 27/01/2011 13:50

What do they do if your first name is 'God'?

snapshot · 27/01/2011 13:52

DP and I both aren't religious, and this was the mean reason behind us booking a civil ceremony rather from having a church wedding.

Is it too late to change the arrangements for your wedding?

Acanthus · 27/01/2011 13:52

Yabu. No religious element at a civil ceremony. Them's the rules. If you want hymns, think about why. And think about getting married in a church.

BlueCat2010 · 27/01/2011 13:53

You are not allowed any religious content in a civil ceremony - we had to provide copies of our readings before the day so they could be checked to ensure there was nothing religious about them.

redhappy · 27/01/2011 13:54

ok thanks ashamed and confused

I still hate the way you are given choice, but only between certain prescribed options.

Katiepoes · 27/01/2011 13:57

We had civil in Ireland and were told the same - no religious element whatsoever. No problem for us, we had a harpist who sang traditional Irish songs, it was lovely. Religion and it's trappings in its place please, not in civil ceremonies.

Thing is though - what would happen if you just went ahead? Let's say our harpist had launched into Ave Maria, would the registrar have run away? Ripped up our newly signed marriage cert? Possibly burst into flames?

ashamedandconfused · 27/01/2011 13:57

OP, out of interest, which hymns did you want, and what are your reasons for wanting those particular ones?

if the words mean something real to you, why not have a church wedding,or at least blessing, believing that you make your vows not just in front of your guests but before God who you ask to strengthen and sustain your marriage so long as you both shall live

if you reason is "you liked singing them at assembly in primary school" (as my friend did), then find something secular you can all sing instead

I dont mean to sound unkind, i just don't "get" the singing of words that people dont actually MEAN with their hearts.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 13:57

YANBU

It is possible to like and enjoy hymns and yet not be religious.

Not letting someone have the beach boys is ludicrous.

wigglesrock · 27/01/2011 13:57

No religious content at all, am helping my sister (not you is it Grin) organise a civil ceremony in a registry office, first time anyone in our family has got married not in a church, so we are learning lots as we stumble along. She has to provide readings, songs etc, now I am not 100% sure that you can't have the music of hymns but not the words.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 13:58

People shouldn't be allowed to sing hymns or carols at all if they don't believe in God?

Blimey that's a tad harsh.