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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wanting to sing hymms at a civil wedding ceremony?

156 replies

MrsHenryWood · 27/01/2011 13:33

And possibly have religious readings too? I see these things as lovely parts of my cultural heritage, and don't see why I shouldn't be able to have access to them, just because I'm not getting married in a church.

AIBU? Or is it time that the law changed?

OP posts:
idrilis · 27/01/2011 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovecat · 27/01/2011 14:00

I know what you mean, OP, my sister really wanted the Letter of St Paul to the Corinthians ( the 'though I speak with the voices of men and angels but have not love...' one) reading at her wedding - it doesn't mention God at all iirc, but because it was in the Bible she wasn't allowed it (couldn't get married in church as she was marrying a divorced man - Catholic!) so she ended up with the lyrics to You Are The Sunshine Of My Life as a reading. It was lovely, but ooh, how my mother did the catsbumface!

marantha · 27/01/2011 14:02

I think yabu; register offices are not allowed to have any religious element (s) in the service.
If you want this, get married in a religious setting-that's what they're there for.

GORGEOUSX · 27/01/2011 14:03

MrsHenryWood YABVVVU in wanting to sing hymns anywhere - even in the shower. Bet your friends can't wait for the invites to pop through their letterboxes........ so that they can make excuses not to come.

MsBethel · 27/01/2011 14:05

If the powers that be were starting with a blank sheet of paper, I can guarantee you these rules wouldn't be drawn up today.

They are inherited from a bygone era of irrationality and vested interests.

YANBU. Call a spade a spade - these rules suck.

Reading this thread, it's weird how some people just love defending whatever set of arbitrary rules happen to be in force. I bet they're a similar breed to the sort of jobsworths you read about who go around clamping ambulances.

octopusinabox · 27/01/2011 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 14:06
marantha · 27/01/2011 14:08

I don't think it is the registrars themselves that have a problem with hymn singing, I actually think it is the religions that won't permit it?

claig · 27/01/2011 14:10

I don't really understand why you are not allowed to have any hymns in a civil ceremony. What is the rationale behind the law? Why is it so important not to have hymns? Is it something that the Church wanted, so that they would have a monopoly on hymns?, or is it something that the State wanted?

cantspel · 27/01/2011 14:10

It is a bit like having your cake and eating it.

You want the trappings of a religious service but you dont want the religion.

Katiepoes · 27/01/2011 14:12

Cantspel where I come from that's just getting married in the church for 90% of the couples who do it.

MyrrhyBS · 27/01/2011 14:13

Its NOT the churches that are preventing this... its the rules of being married in a registry office.

MsBethel · 27/01/2011 14:15

I bet when civil ceremonies came in this rule was a sop to Christian lobby groups - probably didn't want anyone pinching their business.

Katiepoes · 27/01/2011 14:15

To be more precise it's the rules of a (legal) civil ceremony - they don't all take place in registry offices you know.

claig · 27/01/2011 14:16

what Msbethel says makes sense. Does anyone know the definitive reason?

ashamedandconfused · 27/01/2011 14:17

churches don't "own" the hymns, its not the churches' rules, its the register office rules

civil weddings were AN ALTERNATIVE to religious ones, so you choose the one you most want/agree with, and go with the rules that apply

some churches will not allow videos/photos during the service, for example

cantspel · 27/01/2011 14:18

Katiepoes dont get me started on those who have a church wedding just so they can have the whole big wedding experience and some pretty pictures taken at the local church.

cantspel · 27/01/2011 14:19

I just love they way everyone wants to blame it on the church. But hey it is one more thing to knock about religion so lets not let the truth get in the way

NoWayNoHow · 27/01/2011 14:23

Sorry to say I think YABU. If hymns and religious readings are important to you, then you should be getting married in a church. A civil ceremony is just that, something to bind the marriage in law, not bind the marriage in front of God.

Can I ask why you opted for a civil ceremony if you feel like this?

NoWayNoHow · 27/01/2011 14:27

Just read some more of the posts - I think it's REALLY important to clarify that it is not the church forbidding the singing of hymns outside of the church (?? - ridiculous!).

It's rather the other way round - a non-religious ceremony may not legally have any religious paraphenalia, including hymns and religious readings.

Katiepoes · 27/01/2011 14:27

It's because civil ceremonies are conducted by registrars i.e. civil servants. As such they have to be religion neutral - the only way to guarantee no 'this is okay but that's not' with religious elements is to ban them completely.

It's very simple - if you want religion go to a church/mosque/temple whatever.

Now let's start on why those of us who went civil had no option but to do weekdays....

MardyBra · 27/01/2011 14:29

I think all your guests would be going Hmm and Confused. It's just weird.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 14:32

So on the basis of some of the views on here, a lot of "traditional" things would have to stop. For instance our nursery does a nativity, not all of the parents are religious or indeed christian. The children are too small to have decided whether they actively believe in the nativity yet. Should this event be cancelled in future? Or should parents and children be checked for full belief in the christian god and then only they may take part?

Like it or not, christianity is a part of our culture as well as being a specific belief, and I don't think it is reasonable to say that anyone who is not christian and/or believing in god should be able to use any of the bible, sing any of the hymns, take part in any of the celebrations etc.

Telling people who don't believe in god and/or aren't christian that they are not allowed to sing the songs or tell the stories that they were brought up with is out of line IMO. Do you all get outraged at weddings when non christians / athiests are invited and they sing along with a hymn about jesus?

NoWayNoHow · 27/01/2011 14:36

ISNT, I love your soapbox, but you're addressing rather the wrong audience! If you're very cross about stopping non-religious people from singing religious hymns at their civil ceremonies, you need to write to Westminster and have your say to all those lovely law-makers. Grin

ashamedandconfused · 27/01/2011 14:37

ISNT - no I don't get outraged, but i have been to numerous weddings and more so christenings, where the family have looked uncomfortable and not sung for the hymns, because they do not believe in what they are taking part in, its "for show"

parents already have the right to ask their child is NOT included in nativity, assembly,school prayers etc - most choose not to exclude their child - what they believe about the story being depicted is a matter for their own conscience

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