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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wanting to sing hymms at a civil wedding ceremony?

156 replies

MrsHenryWood · 27/01/2011 13:33

And possibly have religious readings too? I see these things as lovely parts of my cultural heritage, and don't see why I shouldn't be able to have access to them, just because I'm not getting married in a church.

AIBU? Or is it time that the law changed?

OP posts:
cantspel · 27/01/2011 14:39

completly different. A wedding is a sacrament within the church so excuse me for finding someone who receieves that sacrament just so they can do the whole big wedding experience a hypocrite

ISNT · 27/01/2011 14:47

I think it is an extreme position to say that people shouldn't sing hymns/carols if they don't believe in the christian god. As I say, that cancels the pre-school nativity for a start, which would be a real shame. It was held in a church and we all sang little donkey.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 14:48

Oh sorry I've just understood that you are saying the pre-school nativity should be cancelled.

What a shame.

narkypuffin · 27/01/2011 14:52

Read the thread. Civil ceremonies are an alternative to religious ones. It's the church that didn't want the state treading on its toes, so no mention of god in a civil service. It's not a new thing.

Honeybee79 · 27/01/2011 14:52

It's not a question of whether YANBU or not. If you're having a civil ceremony then you're simply not permitted to have hymns etc - it's the law. That's the whole point of a civil ceremony. If the religious content means a great deal to you then get married in church.

OTheHugeManatee · 27/01/2011 14:52

OP, I get the sense that you agreed to a civil ceremony because your fiance isn't religious, but that you'd actually like a bit of religion at your wedding and are trying to find a compromise without cancelling all the arrangements you've already made.

Is that it?

PlanetLizard · 27/01/2011 14:53

YABU

cantspel · 27/01/2011 14:53

I wouldn't call little donkey a hymn. It is more a christmas carol.

DuelingFanjo · 27/01/2011 14:55

Are you doing research for an article or something?

you say you don't have a venue yet so why not narrow it down to a church wedding for your 120 guests, then a reception nearby?

DuelingFanjo · 27/01/2011 14:57

OTheHugeManatee the op says in other threads that no venue or date is decided and she wants ideas for places to get married.

OP what area? or are you happy to get married anywhere? This might limit you to a civil ceremony as some churches are strict about who they will marry. Do you have any links to churches near to where you live or come from?

ISNT · 27/01/2011 14:58

Little donkey is a v religious song! Christmas carols are v religious songs. However we have learnt today that only the devout are allowed to sing them.

lockets · 27/01/2011 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

narkypuffin · 27/01/2011 15:03

Don't be silly. You can't sing them in a civil ceremony.

You don't need to be 'devout'. Anyone can get married in their local CofE church. You don't have to be christened or attend services. You can also be married in a parish you have a 'link' to eg grandparents/parents married there. Then you can have all the hymns you want!

Lovecat · 27/01/2011 15:09

What if your religion won't allow you to marry your partner in church, though?

My sister would have had an RC wedding if she was able, it happened that it was her DH's second marriage, so they weren't allowed to marry in church.

Seems unfair that she wasn't allowed any religious aspect to her wedding, imho...

IAmTheCookieMonster · 27/01/2011 15:10

Jerusalem isn't a hymn, that could be a compromise.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 27/01/2011 15:11

actually it does mention god, sorry

cantspel · 27/01/2011 15:14

Jerusalem was originaly a poem but i dont know if the reference to God would rule it out.

But it is hardly very weddingy anyway.

MsKLo · 27/01/2011 15:18

Isnt - why are you having a go at Christians ad the like about this? This is a rule set up by those who conduct civil ceremonies.

OP yabu - if you want gyms get married in a church

AbsDuCroissant · 27/01/2011 15:21

I may be wrong - but this is my understanding. In the UK, unless it is a CoE wedding you also need to have a registry office ceremony, as legally the non-CoE religious part isn't officially recognised by the state. Is this correct? But this no mention of religion/G-d etc. is just if you're wanting to have a civil ceremony?

ThwopGoesTheMooncup · 27/01/2011 15:23

My friend had a civil ceremony, as she isn't religious at all. However, she is Welsh and a big rugby fan and wanted one of the Welsh hymns that is often sung at rugby matches. The registrar married them, closed the ceremony, dashed out the door and we sang it at the end. Maybe you could do this if you have an understanding registrar?

I think the law is daft TBH. Why not allow people to have whatever they like. And where do you draw the line? Lots of classical music is religious.

Original poster
MrsHenryWood · 27/01/2011 15:23

Just to clarify; I am not religious but really love a church wedding and the solemnity of the occasion and the gravity of the vows; seems so much more real to me than a civil ceremony.

This is a cultural and sentimental thing for me; I would love to have "Jerusalem", which was sung at my Grandfgather's funeral, for example, and which means a lot to me.

And, like a previous poster, I love St Paul's letter to the Corinthians.

To get this I guess I could get married in a church , in spite of not being religious; or they could change the ruddy law; think that the current set-up is surely against the rights of free speech Smile

OP posts:
ISNT · 27/01/2011 15:24

I am having a go at the idea that people who do not believe in a christian god should not be allowed to sing hymns and carols under any circs. I think that they are a part of our culture and that this approach is extreme.

Do you think that the nativity that my pre-school put on should be banned?

GrimmaTheNome · 27/01/2011 15:26

unless it is a CoE wedding you also need to have a registry office ceremony, as legally the non-CoE religious part isn't officially recognised by the state. Is this correct?

No, a lot of other Christian churches are licensed for weddings. The procedure is a bit different, you have to go and see registrar beforehand IIRC and theres none of that banns business.

I was married in URC, one of my brothers in a Baptist church - and another in Coventry Cathedral. I'm sure RC and Methodists can do weddings too, probably others.

NonnoMum · 27/01/2011 15:27

Its nothing to do with being RELIGION making the rules here, it is the legal/civil officials who will not allow any religious contents in a civil ceremony.

They are there to make sure that the marriage is legally binding, and not to have a "lightweight" religious ceremony.

Therefore, you can either have a religious ceremony at a religious venue, or you can have a legal/civil ceremony.

So, UABU.

Perhaps you should have a blessing afterwards, or prayers/hymns before the meal.

AbsDuCroissant · 27/01/2011 15:30

Thanks Grimma - but what about non-Christian weddings? I know for a friend who's Hindu, they had a registry wedding here and then did the religious wedding in India. But that could be because they wanted the marriage registered in the UK. Hm. Another person I know had a UK registry wedding in the UK, then religious Jewish wedding in Belgium.

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