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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

1002 replies

Foreverondiet · 25/01/2011 20:18

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 25/01/2011 21:04

Oh well,if it doesn't suit them then it doesn't suit them..
To help out their DD and DGCs.

Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

maighdlin · 25/01/2011 21:04

I would like to refer OP to this here

if her contract says she is entitled to 4 weeks then this is illegal. she is entitled to 8 days more than this. not really an issue if you give her 6 weeks though, but if for whatever reason you don't minimum is 5.6 weeks.

back to the question i think YABVU. its her wedding!! you have lots of time to arrange something else, she is willing to take it unpaid, surely then you could hire a temp nanny with the money you would normally use for her wages.

PeeringIntoTheWintryVoid · 25/01/2011 21:04

Read the fucking thread expat someone else suggested that the cleaner look after them - the OP was replying. Hmm

chandellina · 25/01/2011 21:04

she doesn't work full time and therefore is not entitled to 5.6 weeks. I have a nanny employed three days a week too. The legal entitlement for a three-day employee is 16.8 days, and an employer has the option of including 8 bank holidays in that entitlement if the work week falls on those days.

The OP is going well above and beyond her legal commitment.

It is also 100% standard practice in nanny employment that the nanny picks two weeks and the employer picks two weeks.

wukter · 25/01/2011 21:04

Why is not as simple as finding help - 9 MONTHS IN ADVANCE - for 6 days? What does the rest of the world do? If she's taking unpaid leave can't you use that money to hire a temp from an agency?

This woman looks after your children all day. You'd expect her to go the extra mile for them, wouldn't you? rather than the bare minimum begrudgingly.

ziggiz · 25/01/2011 21:04

& who said love and understanding is dead?¬!
YABU Very.
Suggestion - for the next nanny get it written into the contract that the intended must ask your permission first?
Or maybe they both should have come to you to ask permission first?
Two weeks when she can choose her own holiday leave - for heavens sakes they talk about sexism being alive I thought well I can't say what I think really as I am too cross but I thought the days were over when the staff got Mothering Sunday off to visit their darling mums or Sunday mornings off so they could go to church.

PeeringIntoTheWintryVoid · 25/01/2011 21:05

Also, the nanny is part time, so is not entitled to the full amount of leave, surely. When I worked part time, I got pro rata leave.

Original poster
Foreverondiet · 25/01/2011 21:06

Agency nannies cost around 1.5 times as much. Nanny is employed 3 days a week, and yes I might have to do this. Would be marginally cheaper than taking unpaid leave.

OP posts:
wukter · 25/01/2011 21:06

Yopu are gettin g a bit defensive OP. have you taken any of the points on board?

MmeLindt · 25/01/2011 21:06

Do you know what.

If you had posted in the Childcare/Nanny section, or worded OP differently then you would have got very different replies.

I think it was the "AIBU to tell my nanny she can't take days off for her wedding" OP that immediately got everyone riled.

She should have talked to you. She should have arranged time off before setting the date.

It is what you would expect of any employee.

FabbyChic · 25/01/2011 21:06

Surely she needs the two weeks to prepare for a wedding, you expect her not to have the retreat two weeks because she is getting married?

She will need the two weeks to prepare.

Jeez you are one mean employer how selfish are you.

wukter · 25/01/2011 21:06

Sorry loads of typos.

mumeeee · 25/01/2011 21:07

YABU. Most employes get holiday when they choose. She needs a week off for her wedding.

Hammy02 · 25/01/2011 21:07

It is a wedding for goodness sake. Foreveronadiet, how long did you have off for your honeymoon/wedding? I assume it is less than a couple of weeks given that you seem to think this is unreasonable of your nanny?

ratspeaker · 25/01/2011 21:07

Could you pay the cleaner something extra and get him/her to watch the kids that week?

ivykaty44 · 25/01/2011 21:08

Op do you and your dh ever go away for the weekend on your own? Just a thought that you could have a weekend away and leave the dc with the nanny in return for sorting the wedding time - a bit of swings and roundabouts.

Of course you may not like the idea at all - but worth putting in the pile

mumeeee · 25/01/2011 21:08

I meant at least a week but actually she should have the two weeks. No other job would refuse someone time of for thier wedding

nbee84 · 25/01/2011 21:08

Some people still talk of holidays in terms of 4 weeks leave - what they mean is 4 weeks plus the bank holidays which brings you up to the legal entitlement of 28 days.

Taking unpaid leave is not a 'given' - it needs to be okayed by your boss - she should have checked with you first. But as it's for a wedding I would be more flexible. You also have 8 months to sort out alternative cover and as you won't be paying her for those 2 weeks you have the budget to pay for additional childcare.

FabbyChic · 25/01/2011 21:09

I would not expect any employee to ask an employer when they can get married!

chandellina · 25/01/2011 21:09

MmeLindt, agree this should be in the childcare section to get sensible replies.

ridiculous comments here ...

Rhinestone · 25/01/2011 21:09
FabbyChic · 25/01/2011 21:09

The legal requirement for holidays is 20 days leave that CAN include bank holidays bank holidays are not an automatic right.

bibbitybobbityhat · 25/01/2011 21:09

OP, I don't think you value or respect your Nanny. You seem very irritated. Perhaps she was going to let you know about her wedding tomorrow? That is still a long time in advance.

Perhaps you should do the decent thing and give her a months notice and offer to let her go?

reelingintheyears · 25/01/2011 21:10

Agency nannies cost around 1.5 times as much. Nanny is employed 3 days a week, and yes I might have to do this. Would be marginally cheaper than taking unpaid leave.

Then what is the problem??
You won't be paying the Nanny anyway.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 25/01/2011 21:10

I would expect an employee to ask an employer for leave instead of deciding they were having it.

That's the point that everyone seems to be glossing over and I don't know why.

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