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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

1002 replies

Foreverondiet · 25/01/2011 20:18

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

OP posts:
PeeringIntoTheWintryVoid · 25/01/2011 21:11

abdnhiker "Peering - the nanny only gets to pick two weeks of holiday a year at the time of her choosing, the rest she has to take when the op wants her to. The majority of jobs are more flexible. Not all, but presumably the op has that flexibility."

But this job doesn't have that flexibility, does it - the terms are in the contract the nanny signed.

Hecate put it beautifully.

I am disgusted by the pathetic comments on this thread, just because someone has the temerity to work and employ a nanny and a cleaner. Why the fuck shouldn't she?

I agree the OP didn't word the op very carefully, but the way so many people have responded on here is venomous and repulsive.

Yes getting married is a huge event - so plan it carefully, check the dates with your boss before you set the date, and don't let your boss find out from someone else that you've decided on a date during termtime when you know this is a problem. Not rocket science, surely?

dontcallmepeanut · 25/01/2011 21:11

doesn't your Nanny get 4 weeks paid holiday? Or do Nannies get different holiday entitlement?

I DO think you are being VERY unreasonable. There are plenty of other options for you to llet her take the time off. for the past two weeks my best friend has been looking after my ds while I've been at uni, after my previous childminder became ill.

You could ask a family member or friend to help out. Re-arrange YOUR holiday, so that you take paid leave around that time.

It's not like she's asking for two weeks off to go off clubbing in Ibiza. This is her wedding. Have a heart, for christs sake. Sounds like she's been pretty loyal over the years.

porcamiseria · 25/01/2011 21:12

are you for real?

this is the woman that looks after your CHILDREN

compromise,let her have 1 week unpaid leave

you take half, your DH takes half

I cant see your boss being that annoyed with 2.5 days of parental leave

wukter · 25/01/2011 21:12

Don't be silly Chandellina.
People are a bit upset because of the Dickensian nature of OPs complaints. It's hardly a 'problem'. Well, for the nanny it is.

Op I'll ask again, have you taken on board any of the comments made suggesting you are BU? I don't mean Do you agree that you are being U, but have you considered the possibility?

Rhinestone · 25/01/2011 21:12

Fabbychic - you're wrong. It changed recently - last year or 2009 - so that you're now entitled to 20 days PLUS the 8 bank holidays or days in lieu of those bank holidays, e.g. if you work in retail and have to work a BH.

Making 28 in total.

MmeLindt · 25/01/2011 21:12

Agree, Hecate.

When I got married, I asked a year in advance about holidays.

virgiltracey · 25/01/2011 21:13

She's entitled to 5.6 weeks, whatever her working week happens to be. so if her week is one day then she is entitled to be paid for 5.6 days. The employer can stipulate holiday but only to the extent that this is recorded in the contract and yes it is standard to have holiday stipulation in nanny contracts. She has no right to take unpaid leave.

However, this is her wedding and you say she's been with you for several years. Surely you have been given plenty of notice even if she didn't immediately let you know. She probably knew that it would cause problems and was picking her moment. I think you should allow her the time off (unpaid if it goes over and above her 5.6 weeks).

I struggle with childcare arrangements at times and appreciate that its a pain which you probably don't need but that's plenty of time to sort out other arrangements.

abdnhiker · 25/01/2011 21:13

OP you're sounding a bit calmer about it now which is good. I work three days a week too and we live on a different continent than all our family so I understand that it is always stressful to arrange childcare. I do think you need to give your nanny the time off. It's important to keep in mind that a nanny isn't just any employee, they are taking care of our kids, and as long they are doing a great job we need to be thankful because their work allows us to work. When my childcare broke down before I had to stay home for a year and the financial stress was miserable - the stakes are too high for me to quibble over the cost of a nanny agency (compared with not working at all).

janet41 · 25/01/2011 21:14

i think the really sad part is that you dont seem to be invited to the wedding - even our occasional babysitters are close enough to invite us and dd to their respective weddings this year; cant imagine a nanny of a few years standing not inviting you...or maybe i can....

KalokiMallow · 25/01/2011 21:14

9 months notice and you aren't able to rearrange? What'll you do if she gets pregnant?

chandellina · 25/01/2011 21:14

rhinestone - you are wrong. bank holidays can be included. check your facts.

LadyBiscuit · 25/01/2011 21:15

But if she's taking unpaid leave then you can afford to hire a temp nanny and you won't have to take time off work surely? Or have I missed some vital piece of information?

wukter · 25/01/2011 21:15

Well nanny is asking (or working up the courage to ask) 9 months in advance, MmneLindt. And, as I said earlier, we don't know if the wedding is definitely bookeddo we? It may only be at the planning stages.

It's her wedding FFS. She is a real human person who responds warmly and kindly to OPs children. Not a fucking robot.

FabbyChic · 25/01/2011 21:15

Im not wrong, read any European Directive, a worker is entitled to 20 days holiday, that can include Bank Holidays there is no automatic right to Bank Holidays.

Cappster · 25/01/2011 21:15

I can entirely see why the woman wouldn't tell you

it's an ostrich approach but she probably knew what your reaction would be

bambiandthumper · 25/01/2011 21:15

I'm sorry but its her wedding, though I can see its annoying for you to have to arrange other plans.

However-

Its her wedding fgs. It's in September. You have a long time to find alternative arrangements. She has offered to take the time without paying, and so you can pay other help. I'm sure if you ask her she'll try and help you find someone else to look after your DC, other than an agency nanny.

Orissiah · 25/01/2011 21:15

If she is a valued employee to you then I would give her some flexibility. I used to employ people (in an office) and I had no choice but to give perks to employees I wanted to keep - usually that amounted to giving them some flex in their annual leave or odd days off. I was always flexible in marriage and death situations.

If you can risk losing her then fine, be brutal.

reelingintheyears · 25/01/2011 21:16

I don't think anyone is being nasty because OP has a Nanny and cleaner.
It's perhaps her choice of words but mainly because this woman has worked for her for years and OP is being selfish, when there are months to go in which to organise cover.

FabbyChic · 25/01/2011 21:16

Its called the Working Time Directive.

Look it up. Bank Holidays can form part of annual leave.

I've an Acas Document here.

Its current

virgiltracey · 25/01/2011 21:16

fabbychic you are wrong the law has changed

wukter · 25/01/2011 21:16

You are wrong Fabby Chic, it's 20 days plus Bank Holidays.

FabbyChic · 25/01/2011 21:17

Shit, really sorry hold my hands up.

I WAS WRONG!!

Apologies for getting on my horse it is in fact 5.6 weeks paid leave!

Rhinestone · 25/01/2011 21:17

Chandelina - yes they can, provided the total is 28 days. Which is what I said.

Look at this page

SkyBluePearl · 25/01/2011 21:19

shes taking it unpaid! you are very mean - can't you just get some other stand in nanny?

alicet · 25/01/2011 21:19

OK on page 7 and skim read the last 2 pages as it was getting a bit repetitive so sorry if this has been suggested already.

How about you approach your work about working 4 days a week rather than 3 for 10 weeks (no idea if this is possible or not) and your nany works 4 days a week rather than 3 for those 10 weeks. In return you get 2 weeks extra for annual leave which you can take in Sept for when your nanny has her wedding and she gets 2 weeks paid leave as she has worked the days already?

I get where you are coming from OP and think your nany has handled this appallingly but at the same time if I valued and trusted her I would find a way round it

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