To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

Is the wedding actually booked then? Or maybe The Nanny is only hoping to marry in September and needs a bit of time/strategy to approach OP. Maybe something got lost in translation.

No, Hecate, when I wanted unpaid leave I gave my boss months of notice, as this person has done.

Then asked them to please let me know what the decision was (so I could make my own decisions if I needed to change jobs).

You are actually breaking the law by only giving her 4 weeks off. The working time regulations now require you to give her 5.6 weeks. She can also take the additional days when she wants subject to giving you notice which is double the length of time that she wants to take eg if she wants a week off she has to give you two weeks notice.

I have nothing against you for having a nanny, I have a nanny (and a cleaner and a gardener - although no chimney boy !!) but you are being unreasonable. This is a special occasion and you have been given plenty of notice.

Hecate, I planned my wedding 12 months in advance. On 1st January I had my holiday form in, I deliberatly chose a time when I knew there were no restrictions on taking holiday/we were quiet in the department.

The OP is not being unreasonable. The nanny should have asked her first.

You have 9 months to sort it. Make sure her leave is unpaid. Hire a cover nanny from an agency and stop being a horrible person! Good god what do you do if the woman gets sick????

My parents have declined as it "doesn't suit them".

Its not as simple finding help for 6 extra days. Only option is for me to take annual leave. I don't have relations who can help and yes would be pretty easy to find playdates after school for DD(7) and DS1(4) but much more difficult to find anyone to look after DS2 (9 months now) all day.

Yes I will try and help her sort it out, but still think she was presumptious not to ask, and she hadn't even bothered to tell me that she'd set a date, I got that second hand from my cleaner. And yes when i asked about why not, she said oh she forgot.

Yes I will pull stops out to helps her but not for 2 weeks.

Yanbu.

I terminated my last childminders contract because of similar issues.

People are forgetting that the op is also an employee, ie she will have restrictions on her own leave as well.
Not to mention that she will not have a bottomless pit of money to cover this.

The ops nanny should have discussed dates with op.

Nine months notice doesn't make any difference, it won't increase her resources.

I had a pretty vile boss when I got married and I wanted a week I wasn't meant to have

he moaned and moaned about the inconvenience of it all

he gave me the week but god, did he moan

thing is, it was indicative of his general attitude towards his staff. A complete lack of understanding. Not the kind of boss you went the extra mile for, ever.

She gets 5.6 weeks, 4 weeks plus bank holidays.

OP - you clearly do have a problem with her 'inconsistent religious practices'. Just because she was born and brought up as a Catholic, doesn't mean that she doesn't regard a Bhuddist retreat as a religious holiday. My brother, born and bred Catholic, is a Bhuddist and would be horrified at your attitude. You've obviously had deep conversations about her religious/spiritual beliefs then?

Hmm, not sure here, as a teacher I had to get married in school hols - yes, there are plenty of them I know, don't start! as an employer of a nanny, I think I'd try to sort it for her, just as I paid her when she couldn't get here in the snow. Her contract states she can only take hols out of term time, but we don't expect her to come in school hols at all. Despite this, I'd still manage to sort something for a fortnight for her wedding

If she were my nanny I would give her the two weeks, especially as she's been a rock for several years, as a wedding present and find alternative childcare. As it is I suspect you will be looking for a new nanny very soon if you persist in this course of action.

OP - why can't your DH take annual leave too? Genuine question.

I think she is being selfish taking 2 weeks holiday for a retreat and then expecting extra leave for her wedding - why can't she take her holiday for her wedding and cancel her retreat. I really don't get why you have received so much grief on here - you aren't banning her from taking holiday! In most jobs people take holiday when they get married from their allowance. My understanding from your OP is that it is not that you aren't pleased for her getting married, but that you can't cover her retreat holiday AND wedding leave. YANBU!

I have to confess I thought this was a joke .. then I read it all and ohhh goodness... its a wedding,a one off..if she is so good,and lets face it there are some a SHOCKING Nanny stories out there,surely she is worth a wedding this year ? HOWEVER I can see both side...I really can.

OP - why don't you get temp cover through an agency?

I wonder about the dh and his 'commitments'

surely you can do three days each?

also Nancy has good point

OP stated clearly that the nanny gets 4 weeks PLUS bank holidays.

I think people are just determined to make the employer the bad guy for some reason.

expat - the nanny didn't ask, that's the point. She didn't ask. She didn't go to her employer and propose this. she decided it and the employer heard it from a third party.

TBF to the OP, it is standard in nanny employment contracts that the nanny is entitled to choose 2 weeks of the entitlement and the employer chooses the rest. If, for example, the nanny chose when to take ALL her holiday entitlement, then the employer would have no choice in when they themselves took a holiday, which is hardly fair either.

I really don't understand all the "stable boy", "pool man", "most people can't afford a nanny" type comments. Once you have 3 or more children, it is generally no more expensive to employ a nanny than it is to use a childminder (works out cheaper for me actually). Not only that, but it makes things a hell of a lot easier logistically. Nannies are not solely for the "rich".

I have always left bosses who grumbled over my very reasonable requests for flexibility. I figured that flexibility was a give and take thing and I had usually worked a ton of unpaid hours and kept their holidays clear in my diary. Never had a problem getting another job either. Your Nanny should value herself as an autonomous, independent person, not a mere wage slave.

Nanny is happy to take the 2 extra weeks as unpaid leave.
OP is in pocket to the tune of two weeks nanny wages.
OP books an agency nanny to cover the two weeks - using the spare money to pay (I'm assuming that the nanny usually gets paid 6 or 7 days a week and the temp nanny will only be required 5 days a week, so there's a little bit extra to cover steeper agency wages). Think of it as putting your DCs into the children's club on holiday.
OP doesn't need to take unpaid leave herself.
OP looks like fab, generous employer.
Nanny is eternally grateful.

I am not breaking the law. She gets all the bank holidays plus 4 weeks contractually. In practise she gets all the bank holidays plus 6 weeks, its just that only 2 weeks are at her choosing.

I think you need to sit down and talk to her about this and see why she is getting married in the month of September - is their a reason? What you can both do to manover things around so she is able to have a stress free wedding and you get stress free child care arrangments.

The ultimate aim is you have a happy nanny, nanny has a happy wedding.

it isn't good that you hear this through the cleaner, the cleaner is gossiping and talking out of turn and you need to sort out your staff

Hope it all works out for you all