To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

To clarify, I did mean in conversation with other people who aren't aware of who "F" is, of course I call her by her first name when talking to her and talking about her to the children and people who know us!

I agree that I think it is very odd that you know so little about her. Our nanny has been with us for about 4 months, but we talk a lot and if she announced good news like an engagement I'd be thrilled for her, congratulate her, ask if they had a date in mind, ask her about it pretty regularly...I find it odd that you did none of those things, but then my nanny is the type of person I'd get on with extremely well regardless of the fact that she works for me, so maybe I'm biased in that respect?

Why do your parents decline to help/stay during the retreat?

I think the OP is getting a bit of a slow saute over this.

If she called her by her name on here, she'd get slaughtered for being indiscrete or breaching her privacy.

Her nanny (hope I'm allowed to say that ) has given her a bit of a predicament to juggle. Its nothing the OP shouldn't be able to sort out and compromise, but she's possibly just had it sprung on her and she's still a bit stung and hasn't worked it through. I get like that with things, I stew about them for a couple of hours then come to my senses with a perfectly reasonable compromise. If I went in all guns blazing at first I'd be dreadful but I burn out. I bet the OP is the same.

I'd hazard a guess the OP will pull something out for the nanny but in the meantime she's a little stung because she probably couldn't spring a holiday on her employer either, 9 months in advance or not, the correct thing is to get leave THEN book...yet her employee has done just that.

I think you get hell on Mumsnet for having a nanny and a cleaner yet if you are a working mum and do all the housework then you are a mug, you can't win seriously!

OP, do the "right thing" and see if you can swing one for your nanny.

Not read all threads but if ay you worked in a school/education you would not get anytime off for getting married - and obviously can't pick and choose your holidays there either

teachers get oodles of holidays so not at all a fair comparison.

I really don't understand why she doesn't automatically cancel the other holiday. Not quite sure why OP is getting flamed...would you all really expect not to have to save your annual leave for you wedding/honeymoon?
The OP is not saying she can't have the time off, she's jusy saying she can't have extra time.

Al1son has said it perfectly. Shame you need a stranger on the internet to point out what is the right and decent thing to do for a valued employee.

If need be - any extra holidays can be taken at my place of work (or from my place of work) UNPAID - which is what the nanny's requested, and ooh - 9 months in advance!!

If Cleaner can't speak English how did she tell you that Nanny was intending to take 2 weeks unpaid leave to get married?

TheGrumpalump

"our nanny" "kids nanny" "my nanny" "name"

Honestly, anything but "The nanny"
:o

It's the "The" part of it,it sounds thoughtless and as if he/she means nothing

(Or "the help" as I was once called )

Fwiw I think when the op says 'cleaner' it's just shorthand typing, I write a bit telegraphically on here too.

I don't think the op is being completely UR, if she doesn't give her the time off then yes, but she is right to be a bit cross. When was the nanny going to tell her?

I have just come across this thread and am appalled at your lack of considertion towardas the fact that your nanny wants time off for her wedding. She has her own life. How dare you be so inconsiderate to another person's life. If she asked for 6 weeks off, maybe I would be slightly sympathetic but even then, it is her wedding.

Bibbity, I think you'll find that I also said it perfectly. I said, and I quote, 'fucking diddums'

The retreat is not a religious holiday, its a Buddist mediation thing which is enjoys, and the same people go each year. I don't care about her inconsitent religious practise, but I don't accept the retreat is a religious holiday.

I can see I am being flamed here, which I am surprised about, its hard working with young kids when you don't have parents around to help you.

I'm annoyed she just assumed unpaid leave would be ok.

She told me she was engaged, she had been for ages, she never told me she set a date.

The cleaner speaks very broken english.

I am a good employer and she knows that eg gave her extra time off over xmas even though she didn't have enough leave left. Before DD started school we were more flexible about holiday and she had more say as we could go and see my parents when she wanted to go away. Now its harder because of school.

She contractly gets 4 weeks leave. 2 weeks she chooses. 2 weeks we choose, and she gets loads of notice of this - ie when we are away with DH's parents over Easter.

some of the wording in the OP's post is a bit off but I don't think she is being particularly unreasonable, it seems what annoyed her the most was the assumptions made before booking the wedding and not talking it through

she seems to have a fair allowance so some dialogue and compromise should have been possible

although I seem to recall having contractual extra A/L hrs for honeymoon, but would not have dreamt of booking wedding and not mentioning it to my manager, well in advance

Well, op, if you say no to her, expect her to leave you is all I can say.

Everyone else, this nanny only has two weeks per year when she can choose to go on holiday.

Hardly the life of Riley.

chandellina a bit above has put it best, though other posts have said similar things. In a nutshell, she has got a bit ahead of herself in 'assuming' all this would be OK and not having a conversation about it with you as soon as she knew. However, do you want to lose your (presumably) reliable nanny over this? It is her wedding and if you are ever willing to cut her some slack, and disregard any other times when she's slightly annoyed you, then IMO it should be for this.

Be the bigger and better person here, give her the two weeks' unpaid leave, and use the money you won't be paying her for those two weeks to hire a stand-in.

BTW I still don't get how much holiday she actually has. 6 weeks and 4 weeks have been referred to - sounds like 4 to me though. She definitely doesn't get a lot of choice in when she takes them, though. Even teachers, who can't take holiday in term time, would have a choice of, what, 10 other weeks in the year when they could take it? To only get to select your time for 2 weeks seems a bit tight.

Agree too with the posters saying your DH is getting off lightly here. What is the nature of these mysterious 'other commitments' you mentioned, and why do they trump all other needs and inconveniences?

Plus, what do you do, or will you do, if she's ill and both you and your DH have no leave to use?

Have you taken on board what's been said, Foreveronadiet?

I think a lot of people her know how hard it is to work when you have no parents around. Hell, I heard of a woman once who could even afford a nanny

On the facts I am not really sure why the OP is getting such a hard time. Inverse snoberry reigns supreme.

Certainly my previous employers would have been less than impressed if I assumed I would be given time off without actually asking. Regardless of what that time off was for.

Having said that OP your tone is rather unfortunate. And who the hell doesn't enquire of someone with whom they ought to have a close working relationship with when told of a wedding, when that might be?

So all of you who are employed - when you wanted to marry, you booked it and informed your employer you were taking those dates to get married did you? And they were ok with that?

You didn't need to ask for or apply for leave? have it taken from your annual leave entitlement? fill in any form or anything? You just told someone in your company that you were getting married and when word got back to your boss, they gave you some unpaid leave?

You all have bloody fabulous employers, that's all I can say.

Anyone of you who is going to get married in the future, do it like that and come tell us how that works out for you.

I can't believe that people think the employer is unreasonable in this situation.

You might not get anytime off for getting married if you work in a school / education: but you get a hell of a lot more holidays than 4 week so it's not an issue of being stuck for time or dates!!!!

so, the nanny can either have a holiday or a wedding? maybe she doesn't want to cancel the retreat because its a well needed break from employer of the year...

'but cleaner doesn't speak any english and only works a few hours a week for me and has other jobs so can't look after the kids.'

Otherwise, she'd be a suitable creature with a pulse to lump your kids with.

people should read the whole thread before repeating really inane insults.

the OP doesn't have to be friends with her nanny, as some have suggested.

Nor does she need to give her ANY choice of when she takes holiday. The employer has the legal right to select ALL holiday. This applies to all of us in the UK.

I think she may have come off a bit callous but has shown in later posts that many haven't bothered to read that she is not a monster.