To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

Thanks Monty, I did pick some little bits on Buddhism during the Buddhist parts of my degree.

I do think teaching is very different tbh: 13 weeks being different to 4, 2 weeks honeymoon being different to any.

legally of course OP is in the right: that was never in question. But we simply cannot know enough back story here- why September, was nanny ever planning to stick around after anyway, what is the value she ascribes to the Buddhist event, what is the relationship with the GF she attends with- I can think of plenty of reasons why Nanny might feel really awful about letting down GF who might not be able to attend alone AFAWK.

And that's it: as far as we know. We know very little. And whilst working on one side is half the skill on MN, I just don't get the impression that OP knows either. I mean, maybe Nanny is stuck with September and thought the start of the school term would get her in big trouble so didn't want to ask until she'd found a cover Nanny?

All conjecture. Because we don't have any real depth to work with.

If you are for real then you're being VERY unreasonable and probably a nightmare to work for.

So she has 6 weeks holiday a year which is good but 4 of those weeks you get to decide when she takes them? I think that's a bit pants.

And she's getting married for god sakes!! Hardly something she'll be doing every year is it?? If she's worth anything to you then cut her some slack and stop being so mean.

I got bored reading most of it, why can't you just let her have unpaid leave and get a temp in, you have plenty of time to find one may be even the children will know them.

One minute the cleaner speaks no English next she's spilling the beans about the wedding in Sept? A windup surely? Nobody books a wedding before ensuring they have the time off work

You chose Honeymoon over winter wedding then Monty. But I aplogise it was a very waspish comment.

Just as nanny is choosing september wedding over 2 weeks wages.

Being a "little mean" is an understatement, you are being absolutely disgusting! Her life, although you may think it does, does not revolve around you and your family! She has a life of her own, that at the moment you're trying to prevent her from living. Completely and utterly disgusted - I cannot repeat that enough times!

Peachy - or maybe it's all made up. I hate it when I get to this point, but I just got to it when I read the OP again - the title, the little bits like "if it's really so important to her" and "I think nothing of it"

Yes, and it still makes me sad. But hey, only 3wks until half term!

Monty - as others have said, teachers can and do take unpaid leave. It's got nothing to do with "being a professional" and everything to do with the OP being more flexible.

I'm also a bit about your mass overgeneralisation that "nannies should stop bleating on about being treated as professionals". Do they all 'bleat'? While you're at it, are there any other professions you'd like to take a swing at?

Poor Cain is going to have to keep changing the spreadsheet...adding slightly peeved teachers might be a good idea too

JLC- could well be, absolutely. Plenty of indicators.

To me it all boils down to the fact that you're willing to get rid of a nanny who's been with you for (6?) years for the sake of six days.

She is in the wrong to expect unpaid leave, but after so many years I don't think it's extraordinarily cheeky to ask for some extra time for a wedding.

I hope she's easy to replace...

'However, I want to get married in September, abroad, and have offered to take this unpaid. '

Why so disingenuous? She's not 'deliberately planning' a destination wedding here.

Rephrase (in one long sentence) -

'However, my extended family and my groom's extended family live in Poland, where I'm from and none of the older family members can afford to travel to the UK, can't travel comfortably with bad backs, knees, ankles, stay in hotels, navigate around a strange city when they speak no English and have never taken a taxi in their lives, and the Polish contingent that lives and works in Poland are either engaged in farming, which is busy all summer, or in the local factory that takes its annual holiday in the first two weeks of September; additionally, several family members live and work in the US and flights back to Poland are far cheaper off-season, and they all work as roofers, carpenters, etc., and the housing sector has tanked so they have no savings, plus summer is their really busy season when they need to take whatever work they can get so I can't really ask them to come to a wedding and leave work for someone else to get paid for - and the priest says the church is booked solid all spring and summer, and my mother would have a conniption if I went to the registry office for a quiet little ceremony, just a few friends and close family, and returned immediately to work because that's not what she had in mind for her daughter's wedding, that she has been looking forward to since the day I was born, so obv I will have to get married abroad in Poland in my home town, at a time when the family can all return there, and I will need to take six days off work, unpaid, even though this will leave me in quite a hole financially on top of all the wedding expenses, because it wouldn't be fair to expect my employer to pay for this time off for the wedding and associated festivities.'

Peachy, I think we crossed posts. I wasn't trying to correct you. I know you studied RS.(do you still call it RS?)

And yes, I have a bee in my bonnet because I couldn't have (though didn't consider asking) a winter wedding.

I think you either have to
a)Cancel your June holiday
or
b)Find someone else to look after DC during that week(you have got 8 whole months!!!)
or
c)Replace your nanny and find a new one(although I personally wouldn't do that)
or
d)Explain your situation to your boss and ask for a parental weeks leave(I know it's unpaid but I'm sure you won't starve)

Failing that you could call in sick

Ummm, if that's to me math I tried to write the other viewpoint based on limited info rather than try to sway opinion with a load of made up speculation. Note to self; don't bother trying to look at things from another angle...

Maisie, that was in answer to Posie saying it was unfair to compare the Nanny's situation to a professional job such as DH (lawyer) or myself (teacher). I was just saying that nannies themselves frequently ask to be treated as professionals which is fair enough. Howevere, with that comes professional responsibility.

RPS LOL- Religious Studies and Philosophy.

I'd have liked a winter wedding but the venues all wanted hundreds of guests or they could get more money from Christmas parties; then I booked August and that engagement ferll through; so we went for March becuase it could eithersnow or shine and it was absolutely balmy weather. It had rained spectacularly on both other dates.

Pointless musings of course LOL.

Tbh I think 8 months notice is more than enough for you to make alternative arrangements for the 2 weeks she will be away. If its unpaid I don't see the problem. I think you should be more flexible really. 4 weeks isn't great especially when you choose 2 of them.

Let her enjoy her wedding - get other nanny for the 2 weeks in september. I would not lose the nanny if you think she's good and children are used to her. Good nannys and cleaners are hard to find .
The old saying goes don't cut your nose off to spite your face.

have you all told the nanny she is an UTTER COW?

As you sound a complete and utter Bitch I am rather hoping that the planned wedding involves YOUR DH

800 posts in and Cod sweeps down, lifts cloak and utters the oneliner then disappears into the ether once more!

OK, so not Polish... Let's say Czech - same principle.

Montysorry, she's not a teacher, and your resentment at your conditions of employment does not mean this nanny is being unreasonable. Maybe her church is booked solid all summer by teachers trying to squeeze their weddings into their summer hols?

It is downright mean to hint to a nanny that her employment will come to an end when she obviously has extra expenses to contend with, or to expect her to choose between her family obligations (because none of the wedding related parties are optional for the bride in some countries) and her job, and yes, she is choosing to get married, but no, it is not unreasonable to choose to get married and it is not unreasonable for her to take unpaid leave to do so.

AFEICA, do you live in soapland?