To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

What worries me is that OP finds the replacement option too expensive. So, i am wondering how much she pays for her nanny!

Also, she doesn't have emergency cover. Does this mean the nanny has never taken a sick day?

(and i'm not even mentioning tax and NI

And oh my God, if I got married during the first week on June!

"Hi, A Level sets, I know it's now just two weeks until your exam but I'm off to get married and go on my honeymoon so won't see you again before you take it. Sorry!"

Porto he did get one for moving house I think.
Maybe Belgians aren't tooooooo bad

sorry I haven't read the thread because it was so longbut getting married is an exceptional circumstance. If you value her, try to go out of your way to show it. She will repay you with the manner in which she cares for your dc by going the extra mile where it really counts - the well-being of your dc

But Dittany - there are MANY companies where leave is enforced at certain times - factories for example that close at Xmas and for 2 weeks in the summer.

OP has already sorted this years arrangements based on the retreat holiday. Why SHOULD she be put out at all because the nanny decides (without asking) to take extra leave?

Outrageous that a Nanny is not putting her employer first! How dare she have a life..

Dittany, you are right but dont forget the nanny is not british (and the cleaner doesnt speak english, there is a pattern here). So the nanny puts up with OP because it is her first job in uk and OP is getting away with God knows what.

FFS. She is asking for two weeks off for her wedding. HER WEDDING! From what I can see:

• She is a good Nanny
• She has been with you a long time
• She has given you 8-9 months notice
• She is asking for unpaid leave

How unreasonable eh?

I suggest that you gather a meeting of the house staff, Nanny, Cleaner, Butler, Stablehand etc. and explain to them clearly the terms and conditions of their employment, including that they really should arrange the dates of their weddings with you first.

OK, I apologise for being sarky, but you do sound a little unreasonable. I find it hard to believe that with this degree of notice you aren't able to make some arrangements to accommodate her. At the end of the day, I guess you need to question her worth to you and your family. My understanding is that once you've found a good, reliable Nanny that you can trust, you try and hang on to them for dear life?

Ehr yes and the point is you may have set annual leave but you get a choice of quite a few weeks over 10. I used to get set holidays and got 5 weeks to choice when I got married

And sorry I didn't know that a levels students where in school the first week in June- mine have always had this week as half term and I guess I didn't know you were in school with the a level students - but I expect their are a lot of time people just don't realsie teachers are talking their students into school through the school holidays

Why did the OP choose such an inflammatory title ? - she NOT actually objecting to her nanny taking time off for the wedding, but objecting to her taking time off for her other scheduled holiday

SleepingLion - when you as a teacher get as little holiday as the Nanny does, and as little choice of when to take it - then you might have a point.

But seeing as you get more holiday than most of the rest of the population, one might expect you to be okay with your current arrangement.

But Casserole, as I said earlier, there is only a handful of Saturdays each year where a teacher has 2wks off afterwards. These are in August. In ^some authorities a teacher could get married at Easter. However, in my LA, easter break is Thursday to Thursday so this wouldn't be possible.

Therefore, unless I was willing to get married in August, I was stuck!

Oh and you you mention choice. Teachers have absolutely no choice when take holidays.

ivy - dates of half-terms and holidays are set by LEAs or the school itself in the case of independent schools. So not all half-term dates will be the same across the country. This year, yes, my school does not have half-term in the first full week of June.

But full marks for the great sarcasm.

I have not read the whole thread but when a situation arises that I am not sure how to handle like this my mantra is 'Do as you would have done to you'.

So I would give her the time off with good grace.
I would arrange my nanny cover now - it's only for 6 days in all in 9 months time.
And I would relish that someone so important to my family was so happy.

A bit Pollyanna but it takes very little effort to make a huge difference to someone else.

Casserole - Daddy can't look after the children - he has other far more important things to do with his leave. Not to mention he probably has no idea which end the nappy goes on.

6 days unpaid leave
9 months notice

If you can't organise this then you have bigger problems than your nanny wanting time off for her wedding.

Yes, the whole point is, Casserole, that we don't get to choose when we take our holidays at all.

And I accept that I get more annual holiday than others but surely no-one goes into the career they have chosen without an awareness of basic things like salary, holiday entitlement and so on. It's not as if it should come as a surprise to the OP's nanny that she is not contractually allowed four weeks a year on dates of her choosing - it's presumably what she agreed to when she was employed?

I feel sorry for the nanny and if I was her I would look into finding a new job.

Yes and whilst I love my job, the holidays are definitely a bonus with 3 children. However, with a degree, a PGCE and a masters, I'm pretty sure I could be earning far more in industry/business. So it's swings and roundabouts really.

The point is I have a professional contract which lets me know when I can be on holiday. It was not be at all acceptable for me to book to get married in September or May and expect 2wks of afterwards. My teacher friend who has a nanny has made it quite clear that her nanny can only take holidays during school holidays. She would be seriously stuck if her nanny did this too.

2wks off

OP - what would you do iof your nanny wass suddenly rushed into hospital with appendicitis? Don't you have any back up plan at all?

Speaking as the "back up plan" for several friends, I think if I were you I'd take this as a wake up call that you need to think about how you would deal with an emergency. If you can't raise 6 days care for your children in 8 months time, what would you do if you needed them to be looked after next week? Or even, tomorrow?

That's not the same at all, Seeker.

If I was rushed to hospital or taken ill, that is quite different to deliberately planning my wedding outside my holiday time just because I've used my holiday time up for something else.

The Nanny could have checked with you before booking it in, but I think she probably knew how you would react.

In her shoes (and knowing how valued I felt) I would have booked the wedding when I wanted to take it. If I was not allowed to take a small holiday for my wedding (in another country-not easy to organise)I would quite simply leave the job. My wedding would be more important than a Nanny job.

She knows she is a good Nanny, so can easily get another job.

I think you probably need her more than she needs you. This means you need to treat her in a way that makes her want to stay working for you.