To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

OP, thanks for this thread. Funny.

But on the offchance that you are, in fact, being serious, I'd just say that I wouldn't want to work for any employer who wouldn't be able to accommodate unpaid leave for a one-off important event, with 9 months notice. That's not to say that employers wouldn't be arsey and refuse. In which case, I'd gauge how much they valued me, and look elsewhere for employment.

Plus which, surely a nanny is a rather exceptional type of employee? You and she have to sustain a friendly, considerate relationship. She's looking after your children, not mowing your croquet pitch grass! Surely you value her more highly than this??

Well, come on. She is shitting on her relable nanny on her probably once in a lifetime special say, just because she cant be arsed to find a replacement for 2 weeks of the rest of her current nannys working days?

At the end of the day, her nanny is taking it as unpaid. Find a temp nanny for 2 weeks and pay her the other nannys wage. There is 8 months in which to set up this arrangement and it wont cost anything more than usual.

She is just being an awkward cow for no reason.

Slavery! Are you having a laugh? The nanny gets her full legal holiday entitlement - and extra most years. She wants to take MORE time off on top of that.

My employers would allow that - for an EMERGENCY - e.g if someone died or was very ill. If it was a for a PLANNED wedding I would be expected to arrange that during my normal holiday allocation. As would nearly every other employed person.

Why should OP do so Meantosay? I presume (maybe wrongly) that nanny knows her employers holiday dates as it directly affects her work. I think this situation is very regreatable but it originally started because nanny did not communicate her intention to OP and just assumed that because it was her wedding op would automatically agree. OP is not happy with the situation and quite rightly so.

As I said previously I would let the nanny go but I would be very weary of her after that and might have to reconsider employing her altogether.

Portofino - do Belgians not get extra holiday entitlement for getting married?

I think you get a day off, yes.

They don't throw in a 2 week honeymoon, no.

IIRC, quite a few of the collective bargaining agreements for French workers give you several days' holiday; and quite a lot of companies give you extra days too. You would normally expect at least one extra week off, fully paid, for getting married.

Hang on! I have 29 days holiday allowance. That is part of my terms and conditions and I have earned the 5 days because I've been here for a long time. I have to manage my holidays so that I can fit everything in - be it weddings, holidays, house moves.

In the circumstances it doesn't sound as if the nanny is being treated unreasonably - but I must admit I don't see how you can force her to do this OP without being the big bad wedding monster. Sorry.

I'm surprised at all those taking the YABU attitude.

Let's assume you are employed, yes.

Asuume that you have 4 weeks annual leave, 2 of which you can only take at a time dictated by your employer (it's not uncommon in some industries).

Go to your employer and tell them you are wating to take an additional 2 weeks annual leave (although you do not expect to be paid for it, it will be unpaid leave)"because you are getting married".

I'm sorry but very few employers would be happy with this arrangement. As an employee you do not have a right to additional unpaid leave for your wedding or honeymoon, it has to be planned for and come out of annual leave. The employee can manage the situation perfectly well but is presumably not prepared to swap the wedding time for her other 2 weeks in June.

Who is at fault through inflexibility ?

Oh, that's right, the employer who should get locum nanny cover or jeopardise her own employment/family finances by taking unpaid leave.

Sorry, nanny is being inflexible/self absorbed. She needs to not go away for 2 weeks in June so that she can go away in September. Employer can then take 2 weeks off in September to cover for the nanny's annual leave instead of in June.

I am a teacher. I arranged my wedding for the Easter holidays because that is when I am allowed to take leave.

If I had come on here, having arranged my wedding for mid-September, how many of you would say that my school was being unreasonable for not allowing me to take leave then?

That's the thing Orm. This discussion is academic as the OP has no choice but to suck it up and agree with a smile and lovely wedding present. I would make it clear to the nanny that in future better communication is expected.

1. She works for you 3 days a week.
2. Therefore we are talking about 6 days cover
3. The leave she is requesting is unpaid

SO

1. Use the money you won't be paying her to hire an agency nanny for 4 days. If they are 1.5 times more expensive that will work out roughly the same.

1. You take 1 days leave.
2. Your husband takes 1 days leave.

1. The Nanny gets married, and no-one dies.

yeah but bonsoir - that France and the French would strike if the employer didn 't give a wedding gift every time the employee got married

LOL sleepinglion! DH is a teacher too. I can imagine the MN thread if he decided to up sticks for 2 weeks in the middle of the term

You are a ghastly sounding person - you've got nearly eight months to sort something out!! When our nanny got married it was a really big deal - a FAMILY wedding! This poor wretch clearly is not one of the family merely a skivvy!

FFS it's her wedding!!!!!
Y not have parents over to stay for a cpl weeks? They can look after kids on ur working days and spend quality time with whole family on ur days of??
I really think you should remove whatever it is that's stuck up ur arse (silver spoon perhaps?)
Surely OP is a joke

Casserole - good luck in The Middle East - you sound very sensible - I look forward to the joyful headlines saying the conflicts are all over!

To all those saying just use the nanny's 2 weeks pay to hire in a replacement.

Cost of a locum could well be higher for a start but to instruct a replacement re school runs(remember 2 children are school age or starting school in September, the very month nanny wants to take 2 weeks off) etc etc etc is very time consuming and all for just 2 weeks !

Huge amount of admin etc put onto employer by employee.

What could be seen as unreasonable would be to ask nanny to forgo sufficient pay to cover the actual cost of replacement and a contribution towards the time and hassle in arranging the whole replacement cover.

Wow your really mean and a terrible employer! I feel very sorry for the nanny. Hopefully she will find a new employer soon.

EdwardorEricCantdecide, It is sad but not everyone has family arround they can ask to be "step in nanny" for 2 weeks. If OP has no family arround she will have to hire an agency nanny (cost of which will make the saving from unpayed leave a big fat £o and she would probably have to pay more as agency nanny. If she decides not to go for agency and take unpayed leave herself, she will still be losing out. The more I think about it the more I am convinced nanny is in the wrong there.

sleeping lion you are getting married at easter as you can take leave? Could you not get married at Christmas or after valentine or the first week of June or July or August?

Porto How did I not know that Belgians get that?? Hmm, does DH know I wonder...

ivy - I got married twelve years ago! - The point I was making in my post is that I could have got married when I chose as long as it was during the school holidays.

I can't imagine the MN uproar if their GCSE/A Level aged child had a substitute teacher for two weeks during term time because I had decided to take two weeks off then to get married.

The point I am trying to make (bangs head against brick wall) is that the nanny has leave time allocated to her including two weeks of her choosing. Why is she not using those two weeks to cover her wedding in September and forgoing the retreat just for one year?

I really don't think the OP is being unreasonable!

LPO - don't know if ALL companies do. Mine does. I think you can have a day for children's baptisms/first communion too. And 1 day for a funeral if one of your immediate family dies.