To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

I don't see how her cancelling the retreat is going to solve your problem?
If she uses her holiday for the wedding you will have to pay her and still arrange alternative care or take leave yourself during term time.

So nobody on here who is moaning about how outrageous the OP is would bother if their child's teacher booked their wedding in term time? Should all teachers be allowed to do this, all the time? After all, it's their wedding which is a special occasion, isn't it?

Maybe during their agreed holiday they were off travelling and didn't want to change those plans. So what you are all saying is that all these young teachers who want to get married should be able to do so on any Saturday in the year and take the subsequent 2wks off as long as they give 9mths notice? Wedding are special, right?

we had almost exactly this scenario a few years ago. I didn't employ the nanny directly but via an agency so i wasn't the employer. She was getting married in September and wanted to take her two weeks holiday. fine with us, my contract was with the agency and they would provide a temp. the only problem for the nanny was that she actually wanted 4 weeks and when she asked for that was told no (by the agency). she took 4 weeks anyway, and when she failed to return after 2 weeks the agency terminated her contract.

i sympathise with the OP and agree with those who can't see why the fact that it's a wedding changes contractual holiday arrangements which seem to be pretty standard for a nanny. however, if the OP doesn't find a way to accommodate this, however inconvenient, then i think you'll be looking for a new nanny anyway because the relationship will break down.

No I'm not saying that. But teachers have something like 14 weeks of the year to get married in. The OPs nanny appears to have only 2 weeks when she chooses, and another 4 at the gift of her employer. I think it's outrageous that an employee can only have 2 weeks holiday when they choose in a whole year.

I think it depends on how much you want to keep her as a nanny. If I was the nanny I would simply give notice, have the wedding and get another job.

Can Butterbur please win the prize for most astute comment of the week?

"are we always expected to be unreasonably generous to domestic employees, to absolve ourselves of the guilt of employing any?"

People's comments about fairness to the nanny seem to be unduly coloured by the nature of her profession.

Why are people comparing nannies to teachers (who gets 13 weeks holiday), doctors, lawyers and policemen?

She's a nanny, not the emergency services :o

well seeker, conversely I could say that I think it's outrageous that OP only has 2 weeks of holiday when she chooses in a whole year. The other 2 are dictated by nanny's holiday plans.

Haven't read all the way through, but you sound pretty horrid. YABU.

Surely if she's taking unpaid leave you can afford to pay someone else to look after the kids whilst she's away?

YABU. Same as AKMD.

Saggy, legally any employer can choose when an employee takes all their holidays. They can place whatever restrictions on it that they choose. It is standard in nanny contracts that the choice be split between the employer and the employee which I think is perfectly fair and reasonable. I don't think anyone has said that the nanny isn't (or shouldn't be) paid for her holidays? My nanny gets paid for her statutory holidays, and also for any time that I am on holiday and don't require her to work. I cannot imagine saying I didn't need her one week and then not paying her for it in fact, I'm pretty sure I legally cannot do that.

"are we always expected to be unreasonably generous to domestic employees, to absolve ourselves of the guilt of employing any?"
Since when has allowing someone to say when they want your holiday been unreasonably generous?

Ad since when has giving 9 months notice of wanting 2 weeks unpaid leave been unreasonable?

"conversely I could say that I think it's outrageous that OP only has 2 weeks of holiday when she chooses in a whole year. The other 2 are dictated by nanny's holiday plans."

Well said thebrownstuff.

YANBU for being pissed off. If I planned to take unpaid leave for my wedding my (excellent) boss would not be happy and I wouldn't blame him. He'd be even less impressed if I presented him with a fait accompli.

But you do have 9 months to arrange temp cover so if your nanny's worth keeping YWBU not to suck it up and accommodate her somehow.

Don't be bloody mean. If she were MY nanny I'd give her the unpaid time AND give her a generous wedding present.

WTF aren't you happy for her and celebrating in her news and plans. I have people work for me to help ds. I am sensible to realise that a good relationship with them means that ds gets a better service and we have loyalty. September is hardly sprung on you. There is plenty of time to get cover, or preferably an new nanny, since you obviously don't respect this one much.

Yes, teachers have 13wks holidays but none of their choosing and only a handful of Saturdays with 2wks following.

As a teacher, if you don't want to get married in August then you're stuffed. In lkots of LAs the Easter hols are Thur to Thur now so no 2wks following a Saturdat then either.

So you're pretty much left with the 1st, 2nd or 3rd Satuyrday in August. How flexible is that? Certainly not much better than the nanny.

Apologies for the shocking typos!

People with real class are generous to their staff!

OP you should have posted this on the nannies board on iabu you're asking for a flaming from people who see red whenever they see the word nanny.

Yanbu to be annoyed at this, but all nannies occasionally make irritating requests and usually you have to put up with them. Good luck with your arrangements.

Please remember that the nanny didn't even bother to ask in advance! She just made the arrangements and the OP only found out via a 3rd party.

Not asked yet portofino. It's still over 8 months away. She was probably wondering how to broach it - OP doesn't sound that approachable.

she's asking for UNPAID leave to get married in SEPTEMBER! That gives you 8 months to find a temporary nanny to cover the time she is having off - if she would ever come back to work for you that is. Frankly you sound like a horrible employer.

at all those who cry Inverse Snobbery.

Is that not straightforward snobbery not to accept there are other reasons for distaste rather than some sort of class based chip on shoulder?