To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

DH works in a company that closes between Christmas and new year. We do not celebrate Christmas and ideally he would prefwer to work yhat week and have extra hols in the summer but he HAS to take that week off (unpayed as well as he is a contractor). OP is not the only person to "impose" some set holidays. Thinking about it, teachers, school cooks... have their holidays "imposed" to them. (I can already hear people shouting "but they have more weeeks than anyone else!!!!!")

i understand the concept of the 50/50 split, doesnt mean I agree with it though! yes, the nanny should have spoken to the OP. by not doing so she has made the situation worse, but I would not tolerate being told when I can take my holidays by my employer, and the OP's attitude stinks of "she will damn well do what she is told" this isnt the nanny or childcare board, if you dont want to be told YABU, choose a differnt board.

gorion, but those are set holidays, the same every year. the op can choose to tell her nanny to take her holiday in feb or oct, or any other month if she so pleases [hnn]

Yes, sprogger I have.

I always do. Strangely.

Get you.

Sorry, I think I might have misunderstood you then lissielou. I do not understand how it is different to say to her nanny "you can only take your holiday in feb or oct" and "it is not convenient for me to let you take a holiday in September". What makes one OK and the other not (genuine question)

sorry I didnt answer immediately (impatient much?) I was getting ds ready for school. Im not saying it is, but surely ONE year for ONE occasion the OP can show some leeway. going now, have to take ds.

My employer when I got married gave me an extra week's holiday. Getting married is a special, once in a lifetime event, and most emoplpyers would recognise that. Surely you could put your mean streak to one side for the moment and have a bit of flexibility.

What would happen if she was Ill, you'd have to find a nanny agency or the like then.

Yes, she didn't go about asking in the right way and it's not what is in her contract, but I suspect if you don't agree to this you will have to find a new nanny.

To add to may last post WRT set holiday, surely if nanny has worked in that family for several years she must be aware of the "holiday pattern" of her employers?

YABV V V U

thank god i never worked for you!!!!

oh and just to add i had 5 weeks hol in my contract, a week at xmas, 2 weeks my choice 2 weeks theirs....

i ALWAYS chose more than my 2 weeks and was always given at least 5 weeks their choice.

If you refuse i hope your nanny is never flexible in any way for you and bills you every time you are so much as a minute late

I'm only posting here because I appear to be in the minority. I don't think the OP is unreasonable at all.

I have never ever heard of any commercial employee taking two weeks of unpaid leave to get married. You use your holiday entitlement. That's it.

Can you imagine a hospital doctor, or a lawyer, or someone who works for Tesco's getting an extra two weeks leave, even if it is unpaid? Very few employers would countenance this.

I fail to see why employing a nanny should be different. Or are we always expected to be unreasonably generous to domestic employees, to absolve ourselves of the guilt of employing any?

She knows the rules. She (presumably) signed the contract.

Foreveronadiet. YANBU.

The nanny is your employee. Just like I am an employee for my company. I had a month off for my wedding, but had to make sure in advance that the rest of the team could cover my workload and it came out of my total holiday allowance, which meant that I could only take one more week off throughout that year. I didn't have the option of unpaid leave.

As an employee, your Nanny has a contract of two weeks holiday of her own choice, plus another contracted two weeks that you choose (although you admit that it is often four weeks - not many people get 6 weeks holiday these days so I also think that it is very reasonable). She signed up to this. She has also been aware of your booked holiday for two years so having two years warning of a holiday that you were having, she could have booked it at the same time as that, if she didn't want it to impact on the retreat that she goes on.

Reading through some of the posts on here, it's almost like people think that a nanny should be treated differently to any other employee. But it's a job that she chose to do. I think Nannies do one of the most important jobs in the world, just like CMs and Nurseries and they are a Godsend, but it is still a job at the end of the day with contractual commitments just like any other. I certainly couldn't go to my boss with this scenario if there was no-one that could cover me, when I have holiday that could have been used for the wedding.

Butterbur, xposts and totally agree! My thoughts exactly...

It's not ok for the nanny to be unreasonable, sprogger. She should've asked herself before putting any plans in place, with plenty of notice, and ideally decided not to do her retreat.

But given that it's too late now and won't/can't not do the retreat, the OP has a a choice. Stick to her guns which may look right on paper, or do the more human thing and give a bit of extra time off to someone who has been with her for several years and looks after her children! It is a one-off, after all. And maybe next time the OP needs the nanny to be flexible it'll work the other way.

Maybe the nanny was planning to go back home for her wedding and stay there! I know that's what I would do!
I've been a nanny, and have been left hanging when my employers went on holiday. Last year I was told I wouldn't be needed for the whole of the summer holidays, thank you, no pay, be back September the third, goodbye. I left. If you employ someone permanently, you pay someone permanently. Why should the nanny have to take the employers holiday as her own. Four weeks paid holidays is surely four weeks of your choice at your employers discretion? Not when your employer tells you to, as she doesnt need you and doesn't want it to cost her money? You have to cover six days holiday and pay for three, in nine months time. Jesus, how will you cope? You may have a contract with this poor girl, but sure as hell not one I'd sign! Maybe you should pay the replacement but take the cost out of her wedding present!