To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

Also meant to say - I bet your nanny is pissed with your gobby cleaner. I also wonder if she was planning on handing in her notice much closer to the wedding.

Chipping

Also if you can't arrange 6 days alternative childcare in 9 months - then you have bigger problems than you nanny wanting 6 days unpaid leave for her wedding.

I would not be able to do this. I do not have any family in this country and my MIL is 82 she cant look after the kids (adores them i a doting loving grandmother but she cant look after them for a day let alone 3 days in a row )

Doesnt mean that I have big problems it means I like many others havent got a huge supportive family network available and that we moved a few years ago so I have not managed to get that close a friendship up with anyone yet that I could ask thiss of them.

Dh and I wanted to go away for the weekend over 4th/5th/6th Feb to celebrate our weddinganniversary (15th) we have had to not do so as we have not got any whom can have the kids.

(we wont loose our celebration it just means it has to be modified to be within what means we are able to do)

Fortunate if I were the OP I would be seriously considering my options as regards dismissing this woman. If I thought a refusal to co-operate would get me out of employing her further, I might go ahead.

That's how much this woman's sneaky, childish, dishonest, failure to communicate with me would have pissed me off.

Seriously, if I found out from a third party that someone who worked for me was making plans that would seriously discommode me and hadn't even had the decency to approach me about them I would think significantly less of them.

And I wouldn't actually have any issue at all with finding alternative childcare to accommodate someone getting married and giving them extra leave unpaid.

For me this is all about how it was handled.

I don't know how you can have any kind of productive working relationship with someone who pulls stunts like that.

dit you just said that the nanny assumed the Employer was human doesnt that go the other way around? Should the nanny not also consider her employers human needs?

Yes I am absolutely serious. OP has in the thread explained that when her nanny got engaged they had not set a date yet as the date is set later on nanny should have spoken to her employer about it.

Yes I agree that nanny is likely pissed of with cleaner but really she shouldnt have spoken to the clearner before she spoke to her employer.

Bibbity Depends on what she had done. IF she had known the date and said to her employer this is when we wish to get married and I would like 2 weeks unapid leave then. OP would have had some warning of what was going to happen.. but again I am here stating that communication is needed.

Spid

I 100% agree it is all about how it was handled and it was handled badly by the nanny.

Jeez,they have 8 months to sort out two weeks childcare.
What is the big deal?.

Dittany, you are putting words in the OP's mouth here, which is really quite unfair. The OP has not actually said the nanny cannot have time off for her wedding, what she has said is that she can use her leave entitlement for the retreat OR for the wedding, but not both. I think many many employers would say the same to be totally fair. Once again, 2 weeks leave for the nanny to choose is NORMAL for nanny employment situations, the OP is not being UR in this stipulation.

Crikey!

The poor girl was probably a wee bit worried about the response she would get and was trying to figure out how to broach it, confided in the cleaner and look where that got her!

no, it's not ideal for you OP but I'm sure if you spoke with your employer you could sort something out - work extra hours around the time to cover it or something, if it is only for 3 days a week. Most bosses would be fairly flexible with that I'm sure - I've had some horrors but I think even they would understand this. I get that it is not your fault but its an option...

Ultimately try to be flexible with her, your relationship is very important as the kids will no doubt pick up on any animosity.

its hers wedding, its not gonna be a weekly, monthly thing

let her have it

Excellent post Sprogger.

Sometimes it's not as simple as letting her have it though.

I'll admit, were my nanny to do this I'd find it pretty difficult to work around. I don't have a lot of money or any savings, I get paid little more than the NMW, I couldn't afford to take unpaid leave. As I said earlier, my annual leave in my own job is restricted, so I would be unable to take annual leave to cover the period. I couldn't afford to pay 1.5 times my nanny's normal salary for a temp. My family live well over 200 miles away and all work full time. My FIL works fulltime. My XP already has the children for 3 days a week while I work, it's hit and miss whether he'd be able to look after them. Most of my childcare costs are met by tax credits, which I am only eligible for when I am paying a specific, registered nanny, so I wouldn't be eligible for the childcare allowance for that fortnight. Plus my eldest has ASD and my younger two are quite young, a temp would be disruptive and a stranger to them. All in all, I'd be the shit quite frankly.

I'd be considering her future employmentas she has behaved in a highly unreasonable manner. She has not told you that she wants unpaid leave to get married which aren't obliged to give. She's been highly unprofessional

Spidookly, you do keep referring to the wedding event as 'extra holidays'. It's not an annual leave pattern, it's a life event. Compassion is in order. I'm quite shocked by your attitude! (And by the number of other nanny-employers who haven't got any backup plans.)

Yes Dittany, the title is unfortunate, but if you read the OP's posts she is not saying the nanny cannot have the time off. What she is saying is the nanny cannot have 4 weeks off of her own choosing.

Dittany, do you feel the employer is owed no care or respect in an employer/employee relationship?

Perhaps, as I have no back up plan in place, I just loiter on benefits instead then Grace? Just in case anything should happen and I be left without childcare?

FWIW, my nanny was unable to get to me several times because of snow this winter. I knew she was genuinely unable to come to work, and I paid her for all the time she should have been there. It didn't cross my mind not to. Thankfully my XP was free (also due to the snow!) and was able to cover childcare for that time. Had he not been, I would have probably borrowed money from my parents to get by, because it was an unexpected and unpredictable situation. This is not the same, this is not an unexpected event, the nanny has deliberatly placed the OP in this position.