To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

Ahh spidookly on's here, she is THE voice of reason, love her , love her, love her (in a non-lesbian way - no judgement).

[grin}

I asked dh who doesn;t do soft in the way I do and has his own business.

He says for a wedding? Unpaid leave and I get in temp. If you cannot cobble together 2 weeks with 9 months notice you are not suitably covered anyway for sickness or anything.

Quite, DH.

thre's a bit nuried in there where you weren;t happy at the week her retreat was on either (BTW Buddhist retreats very often multidenom) and wanted to talk her out of that; ask yourself how that's really wanting to giver her those 2 weeks at her choice?

Weddings, funerals, parents on death beds- all need special treatment.

And they happen.

try again

fwiw though, I think the nanny should be more flexible too, and at least consider cancelling the retreat.

YANBU She should have talked to you and then you could have come to some sort of arrangement that suited you both.

I think a lot of people on MN would have got married while they were employed full time, though.

Next up - the nanny has the temerity to get pregnant and wants to have the baby on OP's time. The Nerve of these Catholic Buddhist Eastern Europeans.

mathanxiety Tue 25-Jan-11 23:28:15
Next up - the nanny has the temerity to get pregnant and wants to have the baby on OP's time. The Nerve of these Catholic Buddhist Eastern Europeans.

i think a little wee just came out...

Oh dear OP, this is a lesson I've learnt the hard way; when you write your OP read it read it then read again. Then remeove the things that make you sound horrible!

I don't think it's unreasonable that you are annoyed that your nanny has assumed that she can take two weeks unpaid leave. You are not a large organisation, you're a family and that means you need to rearrange your plans to fit in with hers. I work for the NHS and when I got married I was only allowed 2 weeks off (of my A/L) so the service could continue without any problems. It entirely depends on individual teams / services organisations but not all would be as accomodating as some posters seem to think.

I think it's a little unreasonable that your nanny also thinks she can still take her other planned leave off too.

But it's only really the assuming that's annoying me about her. I do think that you've been given plenty of notice (though understand your annoyance that she didn't purposefully give you the notice) to sort something out - an alternative nanny, nursery or CM.

I'm not sure if you are as black and white as your OP suggests, I hope not. She's not done this the right way, certainly, but the OTOH she was going to need time off for the wedding anyway and you should understand that.

Good luck!

What did your DH say about an employee who didn't request leave for her wedding but booked it on the assumption that she would get unpaid leave, and then started whingeing like a little baby when he was surprised to learn that he was going to have to make these arrangements?

spid you sound nice

If your cleaner doesn't speak ny english, how come she told you the wedding was in september?

Yes, Math, they just seem to be applying a fairly Martian set of rules to this case. The woman is told when to take her non-retreat holiday (so none of her time off is negotiable) and she requested unpaid leave for a major life event. Christ knows what some posters would do if their nanny's parent died without asking permission ... or she got hit by a bus without clearing the date 18 months in advance.

Not having contingency plans in place is simply bad management. So many people have said you wouldn't find that in a large corporation: they're plain wrong!

So in order to motivate staff it's important to reward unprofessional, inconsiderate, childish behaviour.

She could have just ASKED.

She could have discussed this with her employer.

But she didn't.

She made arrangements, kept them to herself, and then used emotional blackmail to get her way.

People who say get in a temp as if this is office work are missing the point. Yes you can get a temporary nanny. They usually cost a lot more than regular nannies due to agency fees, plus, they can be unsettling for small children.

I employed a nanny for 8 years (so she clearly didn't find me too much of an evil old bat) and she would not have dreamed of assuming taking two weeks unpaid leave would be ok. She would have talked it through with me first. On the other hand, I gave her 10 days paid leave when a relative died in horrific circumstances. She didn't need to ask me.

Weddings are completely different. Foreseable and therefore can be planned for.

Just seen your very funny last, Math!

Yes she could get married on the Saturday and be back in work monday,very reasonable.Is that how your wedding was op?A little common sense and human compassion for the person you trust enough to care for your chidren is needed here.

Why can't the nanny take the days she requires as holiday?

OP

Your nanny was BU by not coming to you to discuss this once she had chosen the date of her wedding and decided she need unpaid leave..

YANBU to feel annoyed about this and nor are you BU to be concerned about how to get it sorted.

if you do not give her the time off due to the job she does yes YABU..

When I married I had to book the time off 5 months in advance and I was not allowed additional leave that year (I asked as we had intended to go on holiday in the mid summer) I got my 3 weeks in one go (this is 15 years ago)

Speak to your nanny to see if she knows of anyone that can come and do the 2 weeks (she might have a friend) if said frien d can come and meet your kids a few times before that would be great. IF not possible and none of your friends knows of anyone (ask around) then go to a nanny agency for a short term nanny. Dont let it spoil your relationship with your nanny. this is one you have to let go and put aside.

"Being upset because the woman you have worked closely with for a few years has chosen to put a spoke in your wedding plans instead of accommodating you isn't whinging like a little baby."

Yes it is.

older is right - why wasn't all of this discussed when the plans were being made?

Then there would have been no "spoke"

There'd still be no "spoke" if she wasn't determined to take her usual holidays as well as taking time off to get married.

This woman had 2 entirely spoke-free choices:

1. use her annual leave for her wedding and forgo her usual holiday - BINGO! no problem

1. approach her employer when she was making plans for the wedding (OR the retreat!) and request additional unpaid leave

But she decided that she was entitled to her normal holidays as well as taking time off for her wedding, that she was entitled to do this without making any kind of formal request, and that she would deal with any resistance to her notions with tears and emotional black mail.

I'm surprised MN where people think it is self-indulgent to even remember your wedding day or change out of your pyjamas to go to the registry office is the place where people think that getting married automatically entitles you to take time off work with asking.

As for "get in a temp" - still wondering WTF you all work at that you can be so easily replaced.