To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

YABU - it's her wedding, for pity's sake, an she's clearly given you years of good service.

As an ex-nanny, I know that many nanny's belong to the same agency or are extremely friendly with other nannies, so surely it wouldn't be hard to try to get someone to cover for her for the time she needs off??

That's just one solution, I'm sure you'd find some others (grandparents? extra curricular activies? play dates?)of you put your mind to it.

If this had been me, and you were my employer, I'd be looking for another job...

There are loads of jobs where you can't choose your holidays. One where you have sole care of children is kind of an obvious one for this.

I would go out of my way to accomodate our nanny in these circumstances -esp if you value the fact that she is responsible for your children -quite important - if you do not value her let her go and find somebody else.
Would you be happy if your desired situation was imposed on your wedding arrangements? Give her a break -she looks after the most important things in your life.

Fellatio, it is split 50/50. The OP's nanny gets 5.6 weeks holiday, pro rata. 1.6 weeks is used for bank holidays. 2 weeks is chosen by the employee. 2 weeks is chosen by the employer. It just so happens that sometimes the OP and/or her husband have holidays from their own job which are above that ^ amount. When this happens the OP's nanny gets additional paid leave.

Saggy, why shouldn't the OP also be entitled to choose a holiday period and go away? The nanny could use this period for a holiday herself if she so wished (the OP says she has given plenty of notice for the time she intends to be away).

I have scanned the thread and note that someone else asked about your DH taking some leave or is childcare not his problem?

How often has this employee asked for unpaid leave in the past?

There is a ridiculous amount of cattiness on this thread!

If, as a teacher, I decided I wanted to get married on the 3rd Saturday in September and admitted it to my HT in the January after she'd heard a rumour, would that be ok? Maybe I didn't want to get married during my normally arranged holidays because I had other plans. Would this be acceptable? Under no circumstances would I be given 2wks leave mid term.

And do you know what? If I did put in such a request, and it got round the playground, the parents would all be on here complaining about how unreasonable I was being.

I have teacher friends who have nannies. All have contracts which say the nanny cannot take holiday during term time. I don't think they'd be too happy to discover their nanny had booked her wedding in Sept and was just expecting friend to accomodate it.

Your OP was badly worded and probably AIBU isn't the right place for it but YANBU.

Also, I agree with NannyNick that a temporary nanny may not be an ideal solution. One of the reasons I employ a nanny is because I want my children to build up a strong relationship with their carer, having to employ a stranger to care for them on a temporary basis, at an additional cost (the OP states it will cost 1.5 times her nanny's normal salary to employ a temp nanny) does not really fulfil that. I appreciate that in these circumstances not doing so may mean the nanny leaves altogether, which is also not good for the children's continuity of care, but I really do feel that the OP's nanny has not really thought about this will affect her employers or the children she cares for.

Well I don't go in to work asking for unpaid leave and expecting to get it so yanbu there. I think you should sit down with her and try to work out the holidays between you. Noone in any other job expects 2 weeks extra off (albeit unpaid) because they're getting married.

She's an employee. So you don't need to show compassion, just be reasonable and try to accommodate if you can.

However, yabu to be trying to justify your nanny. Lots of people have one. It doesn't mean you're some sort of bourgoise snob.

That's an unfair thing to say dittany - you don't know her husband or what he thinks

Actually you're not being that unreasonable. I agree with you that the retreat seems more important to her than the wedding.

"Wedding" just pulls at the heart strings don't it. Everyone says aaaaawwwww.

You could say, yes, time off for the wedding but you have to swap it for the retreat thing.

Or, you could work round her. Not sure that would happen in any other place of work, but hey, you committed the crime of employing a nanny, what do you expect.

you (or your DH) taking a few days leave (paid or otherwise) may prove less expensive than getting a new nanny....

Gosh WHY are people so insistent on believing that people are against the OP because she employs a nanny?

Nothing to do with her mean spirited attitude towards the nanny? Or should the nanny just switch off her life and be grateful she has a job at all?

In many eastern European countries, and I believe others such as Portugal also, people are given additional annual leave when they get married. Maybe your nanny was in that mindset.

That aside, I agree with those who think you are being incredibly mean-spirited. The girl's getting married, for goodness sake! She has taken good care of your children over a long period of time; dont't you feel you owe her something over and above the contractual? Where's your humanity?

. . . and I thought my boss was hard!

I would agree that your nanny should have discussed this with you however, now that it is booked you have to deal with it.

You and your husband need to arrange childcare - either doing it yourselves or using the next 8 months to interview a temporary replacement.

I also agree with those who say that if you don't, she will leave. Its not as if its an employers' market when it comes to decent reliable childcare.

Nanny's DP: Darling, I've been saving up for years - and here it is, a beautiful diamond & sapphire ring. Will you make me the happiest man alive? Marry me!

Nanny: Oh, darling, it's beautiful! Yes!

NDP: I've waited so long for this moment. Our families will be so happy! Do you want to set the date?

N: Let's do it September, when the fields are full of poppies ...

NDP: September it is, then! What about the 12th, when the moon is full?

N: Oh, you're so clever!

NDP: Whose parents shall we phone first?

N: Oh, hang on a second. I don't know whether I can get leave in September.

NDP: For your own wedding? I know Foreverondiet's a bit uptight, but she's not a monster is she? There's plenty of time to make arrangements.

N: No, she's just a very busy lady ... I'd better ask her first.

NDP: Ask her? You mean, ask Foreverondiet whether you can get married??

N: No, just - er, when I can get married.

NDP: A moment ago you were all for poppies in the September moonlight. Now you're going to let your boss dictate when we marry?

N: She frets.

NDP: Fine! Marry your damn boss, then! Look, our first row and we've only just got engaged!

I love the polarising effect this sort of thread has on Mumsnet. Helps enormously with the ol spreadsheet.

OP, early on you mentioned that it was inconvenient that she went on her retreat in April(?) because you couldn't do anything in the time - would it be easier for you to find cover in april so that you would then have leave to take in september?

alternatively, (and I know I'm about to get flamed for even thinking this) could you talk to your nanny about why she has chosen september? If she has chosen it because it is the anniversary of when they got together or some other meaningful event then it might be tricky. or if it was the only time that the dh-to-be could get leave then there is no choice

But if they just chose it because they thought it would be nice or the venue was free or a fairly non-emotional reason - then would there be some time that would be better for you if she could do it - such as october half term or just before christmas when you taking time off anyway (if you were planning on giving her time off this year as per last year) or even pin your parents down and ask them outright if they could do any particular time when they were free and see if the nanny would be will to compromise and shift the date a bit to make it easier for you.

Would you have felt better about it if she had asked you straight out if she could have had time off in september rather than hearing it from the cleaner? and if so, what would your response have been...?

"She tells me she is gettined married ... I think nothing of it"

sums up op's pov on this one, for me, I'm afraid.

Her sole employee is getting married, she doesn't stop to even consider that for a minute?

zipzap, I think the answer to your last question is illustrated by the fact OP didn't give a monkey's arse when Nanny told her she was getting married.

Honestly, most people would automatically say "How exciting! When?"

Hi
I run the nursery you send your child to full time. I'm getting married in September, and my teachers will be coming to the wedding. So we have decided to close the nursery for a couple of weeks. Very sorry if you have taken annual leave to coincide with your older childrens school holidays, but my wedding is far more important. We will also be closing for annual redecoration as normal, but as that happens each year, you will have already made arrangements. As regards the two weeks in September, I'm sure you will be able to find a childminder who will mind your DC for a couple of weeks. Don't worry if you don't know anything about them, your children shouldn't find it too unsettling. Oh, and we won't charge you for when we close, so hopefully that negates the need to apologise from deviating from what was agreed when you enrolled your child.
Are you all ok with that?

Ahh bibbity - been meaning to ask you, do you have a second sheet for suspected namechangers so that you can cross check the information?

Grace you have a good future as a mills and boon writer ahead.

Keeeerrrist.