To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

Actually I think we're cross at the OP's attitude, not the fact she has a nanny.

And I wasn't being sarcastic, I really do have a valet.

This is even better than the thread about blowjobs.

No Chandon.
I'm cross at OP's horribly dismissive and proprietal peevish tone. Most of us ARE employees rather than HAVE them and hate to think our bosses think so little of us and the work we do.

As a happy user of a nursery and therefore not in the slightest bit bothered or cross about my lack of nanny (that's for you Chandon), I think YABU. Show a bit of compassion for a long term, valued nanny, organise yourself better and 'allow' her time off for her wedding. Ye Gods above.

yes, the OP is BU.

but so are some of the bullies on here

The op's original question was - AIBU?

Op, YABU.

For those that don't seem to think a once in a lifetime event, a wedding, is special, have a

It sounds as though this poor employee may not have even set the date as yet so wouldn't want to tell her employer until she had done so.

What if the groom is told he can only have his 2 weeks in September?

I agree with everyone else who has said that this person looks after the op's dc's and yet the op seems to be very uninterested in trying to maintain any goodwill with her.

You have 9 months notice! She is willing to take it unpaid. Ring Norland fgs!!

It's more about the attitude of the employee isn't it? They just assumed that it would be ok with their boss that they took time off. They booked everything for their wedding without discussing it at all with their main employer. They took no account of how them not being at work for that time period would affect their employer.

As a nanny you are a key person to the family for whom you work. They in turn are often key to you having a healthy bank balance.

Employers DO NOT have to authorise every request for time off. However if it is denied, then someone may just call in sick.

YANBU

YOu know teachers can choose 0% of their holidays, and because I'm married to one neither can I.

The Nanny should have requested the holiday. As in many many jobs you check whether your holiday request is ok before you make big plans.

I'm surprised at you lot, you hear the word nanny and you think it's upstairs downstairs.

Oh, come on Chandon - if you post such utter nonsense on AIBU, then you should be prepared for some fairly robust replies.

No, employers do not have to authorise every request for time off, but good employers do their best to ensure that leave is granted, esp. when the employee gives several months notice, offers to take unpaid leave AND is getting married.

AnyfuleKno, I read the tone of the OP and I thought Dickens, never mind Upstairs Downstairs. 'Nanny' was irrelevant, would have had the same ring if she was talking about an orphaned dependant that had been thrust upon her due to scarletina among the lower orders or similar.

Balia....LOVE IT.

As a Nanny (b.c) I am usually right up there on the Nanny's side. BUT on this occasion I think OP is YANBU.

I would have certainly discussed planning extra time off or changing the staus quo with my boss. She does already have 6 weeks paid holiday . She should have asked you whether you could take some of your choice of holiday in September and explained the reasons for this. BEFORE booking her wedding. I expect if she had requested this, then you would have been able to shuffle things around and so wouldn't be in the prediciment you are in now.

HOWEVER as she been your Nanny for years ( i presume an otherwise good one) then I would say that you should smile and be outwardly thrilled at the news and vent over mumsnet. Other than inconvienience ( and lets face it the money thing isn't really an issue for you Nanny bosses) it's not worth risking losing her -sounds like she is already emotional about the fact you aren't jumping for joy over the wedding, so pretend you are THRILLED and make sure at your next contract review- you add a clause about unpaid leave.

And no, teachers can't choose their holidays, but they get slightly more leave (and therefore have slightly more flexibility) than the nanny in question.

Who thinks Upstairs Downstairs? What a massive overgeneralisation.

You do have other options. Get a temp nanny as someone else suggested or change your plans for your holiday.

Doesn't sound like you value your nanny much or think that her life is as important as yours.

how many of you would book your wedding before you put in a holiday request at work...hands up...

I did. I picked a date that I thought was suitable and informed work of my plans.

I did

And guess what - my employer was able to work with the several months notice I gave them, and nobody died

don't keep giving her biscuits - look at her name!

YABU. The nanny has been there for several years so presumably this is a relationship that works both ways. Might the nanny have been reluctant to ask do you think because she knows OP well and didn't fancy a "fight" over it. The nanny is getting married, I have known at least three teachers at the DC's primary who got married and got leave outside the holidays to do so. To be honest, the nanny has a solid run on her CV and she may well have been considering resigning anyway and that may well be why she didn't discuss it with the OP. Not sure I could blame her.

Have never had a nanny but have had five au-pairs (only one disaster) and no, we wouldn't have treated them like that. It's one holiday requested as an extra and to get married - I think I would give the girl my blessing and be jolly pleased at what a good run I had had with childcare.

I don't know what the usual policy is with nannies and holidays but to only have two weeks of her own choosing sounds a bit unfair - surely you should split it 50:50, or be abit flexible? And yes, you sound a bit horrible about this.

I did.

A job is just a job. My wedding is a major life event. My boss is an unreasonable arrogant prick but even he accepted that. shrug It was fine, of course.

I wouldn't have booked my wedding before I booked my holiday with work, they could easily have refused it, and I'd have had to cancel the lot. And I work for a good employer, I think. But it's just not on, not if you value your job.

I haven't read all the thread I admit, but I don't you think YABU at all. Under her contract she gets to choose 2 weeks. Well then she use those 2 weeks for her wedding.

I can't take holiday willy nilly and I work for a HUGE company. I have to divvy it up with my colleagues so there is always suitable backup. They might give me precedence for something important, but then I wouldn't get to choose MY weeks for a 2nd time. I fail to see how this is in anyway different.

I usually plan most of my holiday at the beginning of the year as I know when I will want/need it and AGREE it with my employer. The odd day here and there isn't a problem but if I wanted 2 weeks off a bad time, it might be.

A temp nanny isn't always going to be an option... the children don't know the temp nanny. They have relationship the the nanny who has cared for them for past two years.

However by not planning their time off with their employer, I do wonder how much they really care about the children who they look after.

OP, you have 8 months to find a solution to this. One solution may be to make the nanny redundant and use another form of childcare. Maybe the nanny hasn't thought of that!

Or maybe she has nannynick and has just had enough!

As I see it, 1/ she gets two weeks holiday of her choice a year. The other two weeks, you go away and leave her with no work, and use her holiday entitlement as a way of paying her for this.
2/ she is asking for 2 weeks off, unpaid, in 9 months time. so you have 9 months to source a replacement, and the money you would have paid her, which she is not asking for, to pay said replacement.
3/ you will have to take unpaid leave. So you are allowed unpaid leave, but she isn't.
4/ this person has worked for you for years, and is presumably a valued employee, and you are quibbling over HER WEDDING.
I think you need to get over yourself! This person works for you, you don't own her!
I have had more than a few jobs in my time, in many fields, including as a nanny. None of my employers have ever quibbled over unpaid leave nine months away!
Poor cow! I'd run a mile if I was her!