To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

Hecate - it would depend on the bank's policies and the degree to which the manager has the right to make decisions.
For example, many large employers would allow leave to be banked; extra leave to be bought etc. etc.
IME managers would bend over backwards to accommodate their staff's leave requests - because failure to do so has a huge knock on effect on morale (for the individual affected and the rest of the team).

The Nanny should have discussed this with her employer as soon as reasonably possible. However, perhaps the plans are not as cast-iron as the cleaner reported, and the nanny was waiting for final dates before asking the OP.

NO thebrownstuff.
You're wrong.
No one is frowning on employing help in the home.
Just at seemingly uncaring employers who would surely want the person who looks after their DCs to be happy,and to be happy for them.
And to come to an agreement on how to cover an event that is months away.

brownstuff

I agree that had this not been a wedding then the Nanny would be being unreasonable.

But I do think on balance given the circumstances if you value her services then you should bite your tongue. Just like any other decent employer faced with an employee asking for unpaid leave.

Just tell her you won't agree to unpaid leave the next time she gets married!

No, Fabby, you are wrong.

See here

As of April 1, 2009, UK Employees are entitled to 5.6 weeks (28 days for a full time employee). This can include Bank Holidays. The European Working Time Directive does indeed stipulate 4 weeks, but the UK have decided to make the UK statutory more generous than that.

It sounds like the OP needs to have a long chat with her Nanny about her actual, solid, plans; there seems to be some "he said she said" going on.

I can see where you are comin from - she should have discussed with you beforehand and it was wrong of her not to.

I think you are getting a lot of bitchy stick but there has been good advice to deal with it now it is done so just look at that advice and ignore the bitchy viper comments!

reeling I was on a several thousand post couple of threads a wwhile ago where the notion of help in the home was argued at great length.

Let's just say I was very surprised at the attitudes expressed. I recall Dittany asserting that employing cleaner for exampple is exploitative . The inverse snobbery on MN is always there, lurking. Ready to jump out at every opportunity.

at tethersend's comment

"Especially as the Nanny only gets to choose when she can take her holiday for two weeks, the rest of the time she must fit round her employer."

Which, as has previously been stated on this thread several times, is standard practice for nannies. It is not unusual for employers to place restrictions on holidays, I work for a large retailer and have to submit my holiday request for the entire year in January. We are not allowed to take holiday Oct-Jan and are allowed no more than two weeks June-Sept. If the dates we want are unavailable, we get allocated available weeks instead. Employers are legally allowed to allocate all holidays to dates of their choosing if they so wish. The OP's nanny agreed to the terms and conditions of the job when she signed the contract.

Ah Fabby it took me so long to type that someone else got to you first

OK, if it's standard in the nannying business that a nanny gets to choose only 2 weeks of her/his leave, then fair enough - I take back my comment that it seems a bit tight.

Think my comment of earlier stands about being the bigger person here. There have been faults on both sides, I'd say, but who do you want to be, the person who cuts her nanny some slack because it's her wedding, or the person who insist on their rights as an employer to the letter and possibly loses a nanny as a result?

You do sound quite stretched given that the GPs and your DH are all apparently unable and/or unwilling to help. Still no word on what DH's commitments are that make it impossible for him to take any more leave?

I do think threads like this are prone to displays of inverse snobbery, and we've certainly seen it - however, parts of the OP such as "Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off" really haven't helped. Ah well.

[bbear]

"Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until.."

This is when you should have asked her when she planned to get married.

Yes, I've known lots of nannies who don't get to choose their holidays (working in Europe but not the UK) I guess it's a bit like teaching.

When I worked as a nanny I obtained time of for my wedding be resigning. Mumboss was very upset. But she would have probably gone on to Mumsnet and complained about not having a nanny during half term holiday if I hadn't. Sometimes you can't win.

OP has posted unwisely in AIBU with an unsympathetic slant to her wording. But IMO she is not being partularly unreasonable. Her nanny should really have told her about this in an honest way, not left it for her to find out via the cleaner. If the cleaner had not said anything the OP might not have heard about it for ages. People are slating her for not asking when the wedding was but as I am reading it, she had actually been told no date was set yet.

I don't have a nanny, never have, but I'd be really pissed off if I had someone working for me in any capacity who did this. I'd be thinking, why on earth didn't you mention that you had set a date? When were you going to say something?

I also don't get the whole "but it's her wedding so you should be bending over backwards" thing. Not everyone believes weddings are of such paramount importance that people have to let you do absolutely anything you want simply because you are getting married. If I was getting married I would book leave for it, and if that meant I could not use my leave for an additional separate holiday I wouldn't feel hard done by.

bibbitybobbityhat makes the most sense !!

But the fact is things were not actually set so why would you approach you employer formally esspecially as she seems very formal in her attitude...and tbh I would think that if you had a decent working relationship you would try to accommodate a special occassion...why is this so alien to some people?

Well, DH is always told he has to take 2 weeks holiday between this date and that date and can't carry it over, my work also have a first come first serve basis due to everyone wanting school holidays as leave.

I feel for the op, as far as I can see her nanny still hasn't told her that she is getting married then, I would also be pissed off hearing this news second hand. In addition to this so far said nanny has been engaged for a very long time without having named a date if it was so important to her (the nanny) it would have been the first thing that came to my lips if nothing else.

It has all be worded badly at times, but if I lived in a city with 2 dc it would be cheaper to employ a nanny as a friend pointed out to me only the other day it is the same price per day for a nanny as it is for nursery except that she doesn't get any flexible choice on nursery days having been offered only 1 day per week!

My employers give paid Wedding Leave. Only three days though, not two weeks :o

I'm on my seventh marriage ha ha

Op I think you're over a barrel on this one, suck it up mate

OP, YABU.

Problems like this are part of having children, you need to calm down and see that the person you leave your children with is a very important part of their lives. That means she's not just any employee, and she deserves a bit of slack.

Let her have the time, but don't pay her for the extra two weeks that you usually pay her for. Then she gets her four weeks paid, and the rest unpaid. Compromise, and hopefully you won't come to too big a financial loss.

BTW, I have a term time job and got married in term time. My boss and my colleagues let me have two weeks off, and sent me away with a lovely present. My colleagues were able to cover for me knowing that I would do and have done the same for them. I know there are no colleagues in this situation, but still, there are parents.

When I got married, I used a lot of my annual leave for all the organisation that was needed, and so had to sacrifice the couple of weeks I normally take in spring. In the same respect, If the OP's nanny wants time off for the wedding, she may have to give a little flexibilty and forego some of her traditional yearly breaks.
There are plenty of occupations who are against 'unpaid leave' as the employees role is not easily 'replaced'. Police, Specialist surgeons, It's not like hiring a temp typist, data input clerk, or telephonist for example.
But that's not the reason I felt compelled to add to this thread.
Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and posting on AIBU, you will face conflicting views some of which you don't necessarily agree or feel comfortable with, but I am astounded at the number of snipey spiteful remarks that have been thrown in the OP's direction. Every single word she has written has been picked to pieces, and then some.
From criticising what she called her (she was unlikely to refer to the Nanny by name) to the 'apparent' lack of interest in her employees religious beliefs, as she called her break 'some retreat'.
As for the sarcastic remarks about valets, stable boys, etc. Did you really feel that unsure about your point of view that you had to validate it by further criticising the fact she employs people?
Reading the thread has been akin to watching a group of 6 year olds in the playground.
You know the scenario - group jeering, and then the attacking few have to have the last word - 'your trainers are crap as well' 'you smell' 'you're ugly'.
Everyone has the right to post a view, but can't you just leave it at that? Do you have to walk away from the discussion throwing catty remarks over your shoulder?

YABBVU: I have employed nannies for most of the last 19 years (current one with me for 7 years) and i know that the single most important thing to my child is continuity of care and that gives me peace of mind. Let her take unpaid leave and hire a TEMP Fffs! Get a grip, you will lose far more if you alienate your nanny with such a mean and selfish attitude.

emmanana, I am so with you. Some really spiteful comments on here!

Some people are just cross that others have a nanny it seems.

you silly woman
get a temporary nanny for a fortnight

honestly

ahem I have nothing to add but my pedantry . . . reelingintheyears Bleak House is an ironic name in the book, it's a lovely cosy house.