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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random old ladies touching my baby's hands!

319 replies

MsKLo · 21/01/2011 20:17

AGHHHHHH

So this happened again...

In Tesco's the other day and my baby is in the trolley and I am shopping away when an old lady (I only put old as it has always been old ladies who have done this!) comes up to us and takes my baby's hand in hers...

I really really hate this! Why do people I do not know insist on touching my baby's hands? She puts them in her mouth still, I don't want random strangers who I don't know touching her hands.

Get orrrrfffff! I don't want people touching my baby's hands! One time, this other old lady who was coughing and sniffing came up and went to touch my baby's hand and was offended when I moved my baby away!

Do any of you ladies get annoyed by this or does it not bother you?!

OP posts:
southmum · 22/01/2011 10:04

OP you are a meanie.

I love it when randoms stroke my DSs face or hold his hand.

For some old folk its possibly the only chance they have to connect with another human on that day. Then they go home and be lonely. If letting them coo over my DS makes them feel that little bit better for 5 minutes so bloody what? They can stroke his hands as much as he allows.

Remember you'll be old one day.

risingstar · 22/01/2011 10:04

one of the purposes of babies is to entertain the elderly.

with dd3, i used to love this when she was tiny. now she is 3, i love it when i take her out on my day off and older people pat her on the head and chat to her. She always says hello very politely. It makes their day i suspect and teaches small ones from an early age that it costs nothing to be polite and talk to people- especially older people.

i myself have every intention of spending much of my retirement chatting to random people about the weather, smiling at babies and patting toddlers on the head!

maltesers · 22/01/2011 10:09

5foot 5 that was a bit harsh.
MsKlo i can see your point completely, and i suggest if your worried you wash babys hands straight after.

On the other hand its nice that old people come and appreciate what a lovely little babe you have. Its just the sort of thing my mother would do (going senile) , but i do think its a bit cheeky, and invading your space, but I guess old folk are just like that.

pigletmania · 22/01/2011 10:11

Cant have said it better southmum. I loved it when dd was a baby and was cooed over, would feel so proud. I only would disagree with kissing as what I have highlighted previously.

maltesers · 22/01/2011 10:11

Southmum its not about "meanie", the post is just worried about germs. I reckon old people do not wash hands as much as mums with babies, so hell knows what germs baby will pick up.

pigletmania · 22/01/2011 10:14

you cannot put a baby in a bubble, anyone can have germs not just the elderly. And i am sure that the op carrieds wipes so just a quick wipe after when the lady is gone. What if a child had touched the baby or another mother!

cleanairplease · 22/01/2011 10:18

OP - YANBU. It's your baby, if you don't feel comfortable with people touching your baby that's up to you. I hate people touching my children and I hate strangers touching me!

Horrible nasty 'PFB' comments - don't you people remember what it's like being a new mummy. Mumsnet is so nasty and judgemental sometimes. Is increasingly seeming like a pious and smug bunch of grumpy bandwagon-jumping women with to much time on their hands!

JimmyChooChoo · 22/01/2011 10:18

Is this OP for real??Never read such a precious and pathetic post.
The old women are trying to be NICE!!

southmum · 22/01/2011 10:26

Maltesers - babies are exposed to germs all the time, which is a good thing IMO. Put babies in a bubble and they will be ill as soon as a bit of dust seeps through the hazmat suit.

Im sorry but OP is being a meanie. Sure she will chill out tho when she cops her DC eating their own poo.

maltesers · 22/01/2011 10:31

well yes i see your point southmum.
Was only trying to support the post in her plight !

alphaO · 22/01/2011 10:56

Very well said- Cleanairplease. Msklo your Baby is your responsibility, if someone does someting that you do not like you have the right to express how you feel. Also well done for standing up to nasty posters and bullies. Xx

southmum · 22/01/2011 11:03
Biscuit
altinkum · 22/01/2011 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/01/2011 11:09

You stand up to the nasty nest of vipers! Hmm

ILikeMilk · 22/01/2011 11:39

OP, I know where are you coming from. I am a germophobe, I cant even open a door at a public toilet or touch a rail in the tube. So when anybody touches my child I am horrified. I usually carry a bottle of sanitising gel (tesco's is only 50p a bottle), just rub it into your child's hands after somebody touches him/her and it will make you feel better.

Nancy66 · 22/01/2011 12:36

Your baby is already in a filthy shopping trolley - these old ladies are being, kind and friendly.

You sound like a miseryguts.

BaggedandTagged · 22/01/2011 13:15

I think old ladies should consider a class action lawsuit. They are always getting dissed (see other thread from poster who thought old lady giving her son a mouthful of cake at a party was an invasion of his human rights- I assure you Amnesty are looking into it as we speak).

We all nod sagely at the old adage "it takes a village to raise a child" but we want it all on our terms- i.e. the village has read the PFB manual and signed an agreement of terms and conditions. If we want society to engage with our children we have to accept that it's not a one way street.

It's like we all moan that there are no communities anymore, and then come on here saying "Am I being unreasonable to nuke my next door neighbour for commenting on my child's haircut"

sungirltan · 22/01/2011 13:15

i remembered this post in the co op earlier. a gentleman and his grown up daughter who has additional needs came up to me a very shyly asked if they could 'say hello' to dd. i said yes of course and the daughter cooed at dd and stroked her cheek before tucking her buggie snuggle back under her chin. they both said thank you. i nearly cried. sometimes its good to be reminded how very lucky we are to have our dc.

i think you have to pay it forward. now dd is older i get less cheek stroking and more ocmpliments about her behaviour, especially in restaurants (eats everything, nicely, by herself whilst beaming at other diners). my best one yet was 'your daughter is the youngest child her here and putting the other kids to shame!' and recently on the plane to and from our holiday. after the flight home they were all about bustling up to dh and i to gush about how well behaved dd was. iyswim i've earned that - i've never yanked dd away from anybody who wanted to pass the time of day with her.

tholeon · 22/01/2011 13:40

most germs are spread by hand to hand contact. I hated randoms touching DS last year after he had come out of hospital, having been in intensive care due to a common bug. Probably wouldn't have thought twice about it had it not been for that experience though. I still follow him about with antibac gel everywhere - people who notice probably think i am being exceptionally precious, but most of them haven't been through what we have.

I love it when people talk to him though, esp old folk on a walkabout. Nice for all of us, I think. Just not so keen on the touching.

babypickles · 22/01/2011 13:44

Is it just old ladies that are the problem OP? I know they smell of cabbage but usually they are quite clean - they have a bath once a week.

Shame about the shit down their nails mind.... bahahhaha :o

misdee · 22/01/2011 13:47

i had a random old lady try to kiss ds in his first week. trouble is, he was in a sling snuggled up in my chest, and i automatically stepped back and it looked like she air-kissed my boobs Blush

Lotster · 22/01/2011 13:53

Saw an elderly couple doing this at a pedestrian crossing yesterday - the young mum looked like she was itching to get away from them but in this case I could see what they were doing -trying to warm the little girls hands up. Even I could see from my car they were purply/blue from the cold poor thing!

Old ladies I wouldn't mind tbh, they are just being nice.

The drunken tramp outside the supermarket grabbing my daughters handS recently I did mind, however. Took three wet wipes to get the smell of dirt and Special Brew off her. Hmm

Original poster
MsKLo · 22/01/2011 13:57

I really really really wish people would read my posts properly

The only reason I moved my baby away that one time was because the lady had a streaming cold, she had been wiping her nose and then went to touch my baby's hand! If some of you ladies would be happy for a person full of cold to touch their hand then that is fine, but I am not!

I have never moved baby away when others have done this even if I don't like it, so I don't agree that I am a meanie!

I am happy for people to talk and coo over my dc's - my son especially gets a lot of attention and that is fine, I just personally don't like them touching them and I am quite happy thinking this way, especially now my eldest is gettin to an age where I worry about strangers etc.

And with regards to the lady who I moved away from - she had a bad cold and if anything, it was thoughtless and rude of her to try and touch my child when she was so obviously cold-ridden!

OP posts:
Original poster
MsKLo · 22/01/2011 13:59

Totally agree tholean! Glad to hear your boy is better x

OP posts:
southmum · 22/01/2011 14:06

You asked if you were BU for not liking it.

People said yes

IMO you are a meanie for being so miserable about it

And yes I do still think YABU for moving DC away when someone with a cold touched their hands. Wipe your kids hands if it bothers you.

If it was the old woman from Drag Me to Hell fair enough but an eldery person with a cold? Just relax, your kid is going to be in contact with much worse at playgroup etc. and it will be fine.