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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random old ladies touching my baby's hands!

319 replies

MsKLo · 21/01/2011 20:17

AGHHHHHH

So this happened again...

In Tesco's the other day and my baby is in the trolley and I am shopping away when an old lady (I only put old as it has always been old ladies who have done this!) comes up to us and takes my baby's hand in hers...

I really really hate this! Why do people I do not know insist on touching my baby's hands? She puts them in her mouth still, I don't want random strangers who I don't know touching her hands.

Get orrrrfffff! I don't want people touching my baby's hands! One time, this other old lady who was coughing and sniffing came up and went to touch my baby's hand and was offended when I moved my baby away!

Do any of you ladies get annoyed by this or does it not bother you?!

OP posts:
AngelsOnHigh · 21/01/2011 23:45

Our playgroup visit a nursing home about once every 3 months.

The elderly residents are thrilled to see all the children.

The residents all get dressed up in their best clothes as though they are going on an outing. (handbags over their arms).

Even the wheelchair bound and dementia
patients are included. They love to listen to the children singing and the children give the old people lots of hugs when it is time to go.

Asteria · 21/01/2011 23:51

Angels - that is so lovely - I want to go and take small children to visit EPH's now!

AngelsOnHigh · 21/01/2011 23:55

It is lovely Aseria.

It is amazing to see normally boisterous under 4's becoming quiet and gentle with the elderly. It's as though they have a sixth sense that these elderly people have to be treated with respect and dignity.

Mrswhiskerson · 22/01/2011 01:56

it has never bothered me i think it is lovely , i also love the custom of putting a pound in the babies hand my ds ended up with sixty pounds from this most of it from strangers , its not the money its the kindness of people you do not know wishing your baby a happy lucky life.

BaggedandTagged · 22/01/2011 02:09

I dont mind at all, which is lucky as I live in SE Asia where babies are effectively public property- everyone from the security guard to the Starbucks barista wants to get them out of the push chair and have a cuddle. If you've already got them out, they want you to hand them over. I think it's nice.

ChunkyPickle · 22/01/2011 03:02

TBH I'd be embarrassed since mine spends most of his time dribbling an unbelievable amount all over them.....

If they want to hold the hand of the stickiest, gooest, dampest baby I've ever met I think it's very brave and nice of them.

Original poster
MsKLo · 22/01/2011 06:42

That does sound lovely Angels!

It is nice to hear so many different stories and opinions on this, I still don't like people touching my baby's hands but understand people are only being friendly so will continue to smile and say nothing... Unless they have a hacking cough!

OP posts:
Original poster
MsKLo · 22/01/2011 06:47

No angels, I don't think not my problem, i don't like the hand thing but I am polite and always chat! I mentioned 'old' as the older people are the ones who do it in my experience!

Usualsuspect - I'll take that as a compliment [grin[

OP posts:
Needaname · 22/01/2011 07:22

Hmm it is annoying during the winter when they are picking up everything but you are understandably being a bit pfb.

My newborn was very ill at a week and I was told to keep her away from people as her immune system was so low. I knew she'd be grabbed from experience so wrapped her up tightly in a sling where no one could get to her! I got lots of lovely comments about her fluffy head sticking out :).

When she wasn't in the sling I had to be like a guard dog!

StealthPolarStuckSpaceBar · 22/01/2011 07:44

I also wondered about the pregnant tummies thing - it is generally accepted on here that it's OK to hate that and to discourage it.

MovingGal · 22/01/2011 08:00

An old man once was about to stick his fingers in my sons' mouth to see if he had any teeth!!!!

I quickly grabbed his hand and said he would bite!~ He had no teeth at all and was a very friendly little boy but I thought this was really crossing the line!

Megatron · 22/01/2011 08:03

I think it's horrible when random people are nice to your baby and smile at them. Who do they think they are? Bastards. Hmm

YABU.

Lamorna · 22/01/2011 08:14

I looked back over the OP and counted the times my cropped up. What came over to me was that 6 times in a very short post it says my baby, as if it is a possession.

Given the choice I would much rather have a child who had social interaction with people in the community than a strict no touch rule, especially when it is an elderly person who may get very little social contact and no babies in the family to touch.
If you are so bothered why not take some wet wipes? (I expect that trolley had far more germs than the old lady). I also bet that MIL has to have permission before she picks up my baby!

AlisonItaly · 22/01/2011 08:17

When my son was born we lived in Paris and every day the elderly Parisian ladies would ask if they could look in the pram, then give him a good poking and then ask for a kiss (always saying at the same time how lovely he was). He is now 5 and we live in Italy which is even worse! Women always want a kiss and with men it is usually ruffling his hair. I have never minded, and always thought it was nice to have everyone saying what a lovely baby you have (even if they were lying!) In fact, I think it has helped make my son the very loving and friendly little boy he is now.

Lamorna · 22/01/2011 08:21

And then people say 'how lovely the Italians are with DCs' Alison! Maybe the British would be 'lovely' with DCs if mothers didn't have an obsession with germs!

Chandon · 22/01/2011 08:25

YABU

old ladies on the whole are NICE and often LONELY, they were mothers once, and just love babies. How is that nasty?!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/01/2011 08:28

You might change your mind when your cute baby turns into a tantrumming toddler and people start giving cats' bum face looks of disapproval instead of cooing..

Chandon · 22/01/2011 08:28

angels, that post makes me a bit tearful somehow. What a lovely thing to do.

fedupofnamechanging · 22/01/2011 08:46

I wouldn't like it if someone coughing and sneezing and wiping their nose, then tried to touch my baby. It is unhygienic, and I sympathise with the OP. If you have a cold then it is selfish to do what you want regardless of how it may affect the child and I would rather my baby didn't get a cold because some random stranger wanted to touch her!

I don't mind if people in good health and with clean hands want to touch my baby's hand.

pigletmania · 22/01/2011 09:02

YABU,she only touched her hand, you could have wiped withm with a wipe afterwards. You were a bit rude tbh, could have been handled a better than offending someone who just showed your child some kindness. I would be a bit Hmm about strangers kissing my baby as they can pass on herpes simplex virus if they have cold sores and could be fatal. This happened to a mum I read about and her baby died.

Tokyotwist · 22/01/2011 09:11

I still remember my sister and I freezing in horror as a homeless lady kissed my baby niece right on her lips.
My sister who is overly polite waited till she was gone before the wipes came out and we scrubbed my nieces mouth.
Didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

I know old ladies mean well but sometimes you do wonder where their common sense has gone. One lovely lady announced to me out of the blue, "Oh don't worry about her flat head, my Grand daughters is exactly the same".

WHAT FLAT HEAD? I had not noticed anything until that point but then suddenly started comparing DDs poor head to every other baby I saw. Grin

babypickles · 22/01/2011 09:22

I would be more worried about the old lady if she touched my babies hand. He has normall had them up the crack of his arse :o

AnyoneforTurps · 22/01/2011 09:26

OP, I hope you look back on this thread in a couple of years' time. You'll be trying to get round the supermarket while your DD has a tantrum. You may notice people tutting and staring at you. You'll wish you lived in a country where people were more welcoming to small children. You'll probably start a thread along the lines of "AIBU to think people should not judge me when my DD has a meltdown?".

Do you think there might possibly be a link between your attitude now and the child-unfriendly British public?

porcamiseria · 22/01/2011 09:55

she's back again, sigh....

major PFB I think, I know what you mean, the other day on the tube a lady picked up DS2 dummy and put in mouth! it fell on buggy but still

BE KIND

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/01/2011 09:57

Tokyotwist, oh no, not a 'homeless lady', the sheer horror of it Hmm