to get angry when school threatens to exclude DS for smoking

[Sistah]

14 year old DS smokes. We have taken him to smoking cessation classes to no avail. He has been caught smoking several times on school premises and today they are threatening to exclude him, after catching him again.
Now, seriously? My feeling is that they need some perspective. They want to exclude him for smoking, they want to take him out of a normal learning environment for smoking? I think they are being totally unreasonable but they just don't see it. I get the broken record routine: "He broke a school rule". Pfft.

SEE? NO-ONE CAN BLOODY READ.

I didn't say they shouldn't exclude him.

I said I didn't think it would help.

Tyzer - why is he smoking?

He should not be smoking, the school are in the right YABU

he was given warnings, several chances, he knows what consequences are

fair game

In my opinion sistah you are more likley than not a smoker yourself and this has made it the 'norm' for your son, maybe you should try leading by example and quitting yourself.

He's not my kid, onceamai - why not ask the OP?

This isn't about 'helping' him Tyzer - that's a job for himself and his parents. The school is not there to act as a smoking cessation service, so if the rules are that smoking = exclusion, then they'll have to accept that. On his day/s at home, I would hope that the OP would organise close supervision so that he wouldn't have a single free minute in which to slope off for a fag.

No, a school is not there to provide him with smoking cessation classes or support - that is outwith the remit of the LA, and rightly so. It's the NHS which provides that service, so the correct pathway is the GP who will refer him to the appropriate services. Of course, he will also need to want to give up....

Equally it is not up to the school to tailor its punishment to the child. Thems the rules - if you don't like them, tough. There are plenty of other schools which may be more lenient.

"Maisie, sorry but your incorrect in saying its a job for parents, a school in there to educate and support children of all needs, and that include addiction, depression, weight etc..."

I do not think it actually is it is but suppose for sake of argument school is there for that. School also has to protect other pupils from having their health affected by someone elses smoke.

School nurses are funded by the NHS Altin - they work in partnership with the schools, but in this case the child has been offered support from a range of services. He chose not to stop, and therefore has to accept the consquences. The school is not there to continually direct resources to children who don't want to be helped at the expense of other pupils, nor is it there to enable an environment which breaks the law and exposes other pupils to second hand smoke.

Absolutely - support the child, but not at the expense of other pupils' health or the law. He refused to stop, got caught smoking on school property several times and now faces exclusion. Yes, sounds about right - welcome to the real world of personal responsibility and consequences. There's no point in bemoaning the fact if you choose not to take the support that you've had.

He broke the school rules repeatedly so is being excluded. His own fault, if he injected herion in the school toilets he would not set the smoke alarm off and would still be in school. Upgrade him to heroin or tell him to not smoke in school.

Altinkum, in that case it would be interesting to see if OP's son's cessation classes were through school maybe? What I mean is the school might have done all theses supportive things you mention (I cannot find it in OP's posts) but has now to think about all the school VS one child difficulty to quit smoking, if that makes sense?

Sistah What do you think should happen? What do you think the school should do?

Get him some nicotine patches.

I am not only thinking about passive smocking, I am thinking about the example/precedent it sets. If one child is not reprimended for smocking on school premises there is no deterrent for others not to smoke. I am very sorry for OPs son and OP herself but other things having failed, the school had to act.

You are right about the fact that people do not stop doiong terrible things just because of laws but with that reasoning do you think we would really be better off if there were no laws to be brocken at all?

I did tell my DC that if I ever caught them smoking I would sew their lips together. Doubt they believed I literally would... and maybe I wouldn't have. Who knows. Fortunately they didn't test it.