to be upset that at a party my 10 year old and friends were lefy unaccompanied in a cinema??

[bebopper]

First post so forgive any mistakes!
My 10year old was invited at the last minute to an 11year olds party on Sunday - cinema and pizza hut. On smiling terms with her mum and dd friends with child - so accepted happily.
What I hadn't realised is that the girls (four of them) were taken to the cinema and left unaccompanied for a two and a half hour film whilst the mum went shopping! I was a bit gobsmacked to be honest- ok this was a Sunday afternoon but even so, I think it was a bit much!
What do other mums think- am I right to be a bit cross and should I talk to her about it?

at this thread.

i just suggested to dd1 that for her 11th birthday would she like to see a film with friends on their own, without me hovering about.

I wouldn't have minded, but the other parent should've checked before to see if you did mind.

I understand why you were gobsmacked, my dd hasn't done this yet (she is 12 and in Yr7) and she would be horrified if she was left there by someone elses mum.
I would have got a phone call from her from a toilet cubicle I expect!

It's not always just parent choice, my dd is a bit nervy, bit anxious and having been involved in a serious fire and 2 x rta's doesn't like adultless events.

I think it's a personal choice, I don't know why people have to get snotty with you!

I always have a rule, no one wee's alone (except me)

Good grief, they were 10 yrs and 11yrs, in the afternoon, taken and picked up and there were 4 of them!

YANBU

I think the issue here is that the other mum assumed you [and other mums?] would be ok with it.

IMO you dont make assumptions when it comes to other peoples children.

I know i would pay extra extra care if i am [meant to be] supervising children that are not mine.

I like you would have assumed that if they were going somewhere other than the childs home that they would be with an adult.

Its not really about when we should cut the apron strings-this happens at dif times for dif people based on individual choices, the issue is the choice was made for the OP without her knowledge/consent.

As for the child concerneds mum....pfff if you are hosting your daughters birthday celebrations surely the shopping can wait?

What on earth are you going to do when she is in yr 7 and wants to go around the shops with a friend on their own?

Oh lord... More Cotton Wool anyone?

Lamorna - she can then choose if she wants her dd to do it

When I was 12yrs I went to the cinema alone with a friend at about 7pm. A dodgy looking man sat down next to my friend, she whispered to me 'let's move' and we took ourselves 3 rows back, with a woman on one side and the aisle on the other, and we watched the film. We weren't very street wise, just sensible. What ever do you expect to happen with 4 of them, in the afternoon in a film with families attending?!

The only mistake the other woman made was not making the arrangement clear, I always assume the other parent is the cotton wool variety to play safe. If it was me I would have told her the arrangement and then her DD would just have to have missed out if she didn't like it.

I sincerely hope that you would let them go shopping on a Saturday afternoon with a friend once they are year 7?!

I think bebopper should have clarifed the arrangements her/ himself tbh.

After all her DC is her responsibilty and if she is so concerend about where and who looks after her child she should make make sure she knows what is happening.

Not read all posts, but yanbu because arrangements should have been explained.

And I worry about loos and tell Dc to go in twos.

I probably wouldn't say anything to the Mum though, unless you can drop it in to conversation. "dd had great time thanks, I hadn't realised they were going on their own..."

The omportant thing is to make sure they were all wearing their tin foil anti alien abduction helmets. If they were then they would be fine.

I'd like to have been told by the parent but then it wouldn't bother me.

"I thing YANBU!
It probablhy is the right sort of age for this kind of thing to start happening, beginning of independence etc. But I would be pissed off if another mum made this decision for me, without even discussing if I was ok with it.
Have a good chat with your dc and discuss what she would do IF approached by anyone dodgy.
Advise going to loo WITH a friend.
I know it is horrible to think of and you don't want to scare them, but the reality it that there ARE people who would take opportunities to prey on young people in public places. I've experienced it, and a child of a friend of mine has too."

I agree with the poster who said that ^. I had a rather nasty experience at a cinema when I was a young adult - and while I do NOT belong to the school of thought that 'something bad will happen the minute a child leaves the house etc' - things DO happen, and I'd want to talk over things with my ds first.

And incidently I was in a packed cinema, with friends - certainly not somewhere you would immidiately think of as a risky place iykwim.

The other mother didn't make the decision for the OP though.
She askedd last minute if the OP's DC wanted to come along to the cinema for a party.

The OP blindly let her child go without checking facts. Op's at fault not other mum.

upahill Ok, I see your point. I had presumed OP had checked.

Oh ffs, now I don't know WHAT I think is right now!

It seems a lack of communication and I wouldn't say anything. OP was equally at fault because she never asked what it entailed.
The party DC's mother obviously assumed that anyone would do that with top juniors and OP assumed that someone would never let them sit on their own for 2 hours.
The moral of the story is always check the arrangements. (I do however think that you might find it more difficult if you insist on being with them as they get older).

The thing that has struck me now is that dd2 contacts me at regular intervals whilst out and about - so if the parent didn't tell me dd2 would have still kept me imformed she was ok text - going into watch film now, then after film text coming out of film now. Thats th way she is its the social networking society where she tells everyone what she is doing, getting on the bus mum x going to shopping center as I need the loo mum will be later home.

We have so many ways of staying in contact, dd1 was never like this but each dc is different and each dc needs to be treated as they are and not follow a rule that says at 10 .2 years old you will be able to do this that and the other

I dont think you say its the OPs fault for not checking really, i think at that age [10/11] most people would assume quite reasonably that there would be an adult present?

Not for a trip to the cinema I wouldn't,amberleaf. I would expect that the mum dropped off while they watched the film then she picked up for the meal afterwards.

YABU/slightly mad