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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that at a party my 10 year old and friends were lefy unaccompanied in a cinema??

189 replies

bebopper · 20/01/2011 13:01

First post so forgive any mistakes!
My 10year old was invited at the last minute to an 11year olds party on Sunday - cinema and pizza hut. On smiling terms with her mum and dd friends with child - so accepted happily.
What I hadn't realised is that the girls (four of them) were taken to the cinema and left unaccompanied for a two and a half hour film whilst the mum went shopping! I was a bit gobsmacked to be honest- ok this was a Sunday afternoon but even so, I think it was a bit much!
What do other mums think- am I right to be a bit cross and should I talk to her about it?

OP posts:
researchinmotion · 20/01/2011 13:12

Are the toilets miles away from the cinema?

What do you think is going to happen?

YABU.

peanutbutterkid · 20/01/2011 13:12

Were they left with a phone? If no phone either, I'd feel a bit more uncomfortable about it. Yes I was going around town on my own at 10yo, but by 10yo I had had a lot more experience at doing things myself. My own 11yo is not half as streetwise as I was at 9yo. So a lot depends on the sensibleness of the kids involved.

Low risk of sexual assault in movie theatre loos, too busy a facility. I'd be more worried about them getting up to mischief, nuisance or vandalism, myself.

SecretNutellaFix · 20/01/2011 13:12

depends on the film as well. If it was a PG, fine to a certain point, although I loathe seeing kids unaccompanied in cinemas. 12A- the cinema would have been within their licensing rights to ask all of the party to leave.

MorticiaAddams · 20/01/2011 13:13

Sorry but if my daughter goes to a party, I would expect some parental responsibility to be put in place!

You're entitled to think that but why bother asking for opinions then?

ladysybil · 20/01/2011 13:13

op, yabincredibly unreasonable

LadyBiscuit · 20/01/2011 13:13

What exactly are your concerns bebopper? I don't really understand

spikeycow · 20/01/2011 13:13

The cinema we go to is in a shopping centre. It's no biggie. In fact the only thing I'd be worried about is if they got silly and disturbed others

Punkatheart · 20/01/2011 13:14

When I am looking after other people's children - I am more nervous than when looking after my own. I wouldn't leave them alone in a cinema and if I did, the parents would say something to me. I ran brownies for a while and this would not have been acceptable.

No of course bad things that happen to children are rare - we are all influenced by hysteria in the media, such as a twelve year old raped in the loo of a supermarket. Rare indeed but should you expect the cinema staff to parent the children? Are they technically in loco parentis? I don't think so? Silly things - but what if a child choked, got poorly etc etc.

Similarly, if I leave my child with someone - I expect them to be looking after them. No one needs to go shopping.

Awkward though - do you say something? I would let it go and maybe gently discuss it with another parent you trust. See what their opinion is.

Tangled · 20/01/2011 13:14

YABU its quite normal for people to do that at that age. Usually people do tell you though.

deepheat · 20/01/2011 13:15

You are being a little unreasonable OP. The only thing I can really think of in your defence is that maybe the Mum should have mentioned to you that they'd be unaccompanied. Even then, I probably wouldn't care. Think its pretty normal for 10 yr olds to go to the cinema on their own. The toilet comment is just very odd. Do you accompany her to all public conveniences?

Anyway, obviously people disagree, but it doesn't mean you're wrong/nuts/whatever (only say this because I think some people might try and tell you that you are). We've all got different perceptions of risk based on our nature and our experience. She's your kid, you're her mum and so you make the calls you think are right.

Oh, and scurryfunge: there actually are! Look behind the Toilet Duck.

SkyBluePearl · 20/01/2011 13:15

as long as they were escorted to and from the cinima doors and went to the loos in pairs - can't see the problem. As long as they were sensible 10 year olds

EricNorthmansMistress · 20/01/2011 13:15

YABU

Sirzy · 20/01/2011 13:15

I would have probably made sure I had full details of what was happening before she went tbh but I wouldn't expect mum to sit through a film for 10 year olds tbh!

As long as they are all sensible enough to be on there own I dont see an issue.

TrillianAstra · 20/01/2011 13:15

YABU

OnlyMeUK · 20/01/2011 13:15

YABabitU, nothing wrong with 10/11 year old experiencing a little "freedom" at the cinema on their own. So long as they are deposited & collected on time and given clear instructions as regards their behaviour.

Although, I would have let the parents know that this was happening along with the invitation.

Tangled · 20/01/2011 13:16

While all that is true Punk by the time children are 11 it is very common for them to be getting a bus into town to meet friends and go to the cinema. They have to start somewhere.

SecretNutellaFix · 20/01/2011 13:18

What film was it that they saw?

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 20/01/2011 13:19

Wouldn't have a problem with this tbh (and DS2 is yr6 so have one the same age)

The only quibble I'd have is that when I've done this in the past I have checked that the other parents are OK with it. MN has taught me never to assume anything with regard to other parents ideas of 'risk'.

frgr · 20/01/2011 13:19

yabu

i was going to the cinema myself when i was 11, it was about a 5 minute walk from our house though. so i don't think it's unfair to think it should be fine with yours if they're being dropped off and picked up.

i do understand that there are mature 11 year olds (almost twelve, has lots of common sense, listens to instructions not to speak to strangers, wouldn't leave the building) vs. immature ones (11th birthday last week, never ever been left alone in a shopping centre or loos or whatever).

but i think, on average, 11 years old is enough to handle that situation maturely enough

yanbu to think that the lady could have warned you first. i'd always do tht to make sure other parents were happy with the plan. just take this as a lesson to ask for details of the outing the next time one of your daughter's friends has a get-together.

fedupofnamechanging · 20/01/2011 13:19

YANBU. The other parent was supposed to be looking after your child. I think that if you invite someone else's children somewhere, then you should actually be with them. If she planned to go shopping then I think she ought to have told you first. She doesn't know your child well enough to judge whether she is okay to be left unsupervised. I would not be happy about this either OP.

Sirzy · 20/01/2011 13:20

I think comparing what you do as a youth leader to what you do as a parent isn't the greatest of comparisons. I couldn't take a group of 15 year olds to the cinema and leave them there as a youth leader but a parent could easily!

BlueFergie · 20/01/2011 13:21

I don't get it whats the problem? Can a 10 year old not got to the toilet and back themselves? were they even likely to go to the toilet in the middle of the film? Or were you worried about them wandering off? Please don't tell me its because you think that a paedo would be hiding in the ladies toilets of a large multi plex in a shopping centre on a Sunday afternoon (which I assume is quite busy)?

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 20/01/2011 13:21

Yabu sorry

LetThereBeRock · 20/01/2011 13:22

I think it's fine. My only concern would be that they'd act up and annoy people.

rubyrubyruby · 20/01/2011 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.