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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that at a party my 10 year old and friends were lefy unaccompanied in a cinema??

189 replies

bebopper · 20/01/2011 13:01

First post so forgive any mistakes!
My 10year old was invited at the last minute to an 11year olds party on Sunday - cinema and pizza hut. On smiling terms with her mum and dd friends with child - so accepted happily.
What I hadn't realised is that the girls (four of them) were taken to the cinema and left unaccompanied for a two and a half hour film whilst the mum went shopping! I was a bit gobsmacked to be honest- ok this was a Sunday afternoon but even so, I think it was a bit much!
What do other mums think- am I right to be a bit cross and should I talk to her about it?

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 20/01/2011 15:45

No Hully not every party, though as my 2 are now teenagers I don't follow them around supervise them anymore.Grin

I could tell of several more horror birthday parties which include peanuts, road saftey and another swimming pool incident, but I won't bore you.

I didn't mean the "cloud cuckoo" comment to be aimed at everyone. Just felt a bit sorry for OP for the comments she was getting. I really don't think she is BU for wanting to know that someone is supervising her 10 year old.

It just shows parents have different expectations and talking to the other mum, before the party is the best bet.

Punkatheart · 20/01/2011 15:47

It has raised some interesting points, this post - I suppose I fall a little more into the paranoid parent camp - but I try and control it. I was attacked at 13 - a man tried to kiss me and grab me, when I took a (forbidden) shortcut down an alleyway. I was a dopey trusting child - entirely the type of child such people (who are still rare) tend to target. It has affected how I see the world - but as I say - I try to control it. Man was caught - a known paedophile - and did get charged.

It's so difficult and we should try to be understanding on the WHY people are over-protecting their child - rather than sneering at them. Most children in both camps - the ones who are encouraged/pushed to be independent and the mollycoddled ones - go on to be normal and happy adults.

None of us are bad parents. We are different parents - feeling our way.

I think the poster has given us lots of thought - but it's rather sad that people see fit to 'attack' her for simply sharing her concern and seeing which way the wind lies. She is asking for your wisdom, not your condemnation.

westerngirl · 20/01/2011 15:49

I would have been unhappy if it had been my child. If it's okay to leave 10/11 year olds without a 'responsible adult" they can fall back on in case of any issue arising, why do you need supervision at school etc. after 10/11 years old.

Think they should have asked was it ok with you. Although nothing would happen in all probability, I'd prefer to be safe rather than sorry.

JBellingham · 20/01/2011 15:52

what was the film?

QuickLookBusy · 20/01/2011 15:53

What Punkatheart said.

[Wish I was as articulate so wouldn't have embarressed myself by trotting out party horror stories]

Hullygully · 20/01/2011 15:53

I don't think she's been attakced.

QLB, please tell us the other horror stories. Pretty please.

Hullygully · 20/01/2011 15:54

The film was I Spit On Your Grave

QuickLookBusy · 20/01/2011 15:56

No I shan't Hully.

Just use your imagination!

Blu · 20/01/2011 15:56

DS and friends were in a cinema unaccompanied at a 9th party - I thought it was fine.

They go to the park unaccompanied, walk to school....in a cinema if anything happened, thre are staff on hand. I bet the 10 yo had a mobile and her Mum's number?

If i was taking other people's kids though, I would tell them in advance that they would be in the film alone.

The problem with being left at home is that they could attempt cooking and there could be a fire, for instance. In a cinma ther would be a fire evacuation managed by trained adults. What harm can they do themselves watching a film in a licensed, managed establishment, eating popcorn?

My main worry would be for other patrons!

Ormirian · 20/01/2011 16:09

Do agree that party parent should have consulted first though. Only sensible. Though by the age of 10 all the parents I know would have been fine with it,

Ephiny · 20/01/2011 16:14

YABU, at that age I was happily getting the bus into town and going to the cinema with friends! And in this case the kids were being dropped off and picked up by the other mum - I really can't see the problem. Don't mean to 'attack' you but it seems a bit weird to be upset over this.

Dancergirl · 20/01/2011 16:17

I went to the cinema with friends on my 11th birthday - we saw ET nostalgic

Inertia · 20/01/2011 16:18

I think YANBU. The mother of the birthday girl should not have made the assumption that you'd be happy to leave your 10yo without adult supervision. If you are taking other people's children out, you either directly supervise them yourself or check with the parents of the other children that they are ok to be left.

GelflinGirl · 20/01/2011 16:19

My DS goes to the cinema with friends also, a parent drops them there and another parent pics them up, YABU

Hullygully · 20/01/2011 16:26

But I do agree to asking first. I always ask first as I am more relaxed than a lot of the dc's friends' parents.

BendyBob · 20/01/2011 16:31

Agree Inertia. This was a fait accompli and Bebopper had no input into the decision. That's what would bother me, regardless of whether I thought my dd was up to it or not.

LadyBiscuit · 20/01/2011 17:37

Oh go on QLB - I like a good dramatic anecdote. I'll tell you about the time my friends without small children left the gate of the pool open last year and my just 3YO DS and his friend were found playing next to it on their own. Nothing happened though so it isn't very dramatic

upahill · 20/01/2011 17:39

Well it could be that all the arrangements had already been made so yes it was a fait accompli because as bebopper says it was a last minute invite.
Therefore Bebopper should have said 'yeah no problem , what's the arrangements?

(and then expressed her concern at her child going to the loo alone!!)

But what I'm not getting is I don't often go the pictures with my lad and his mates because they are now 11 BUT when they were 9 and 10 I still didn't go. I would have been no use at taking them to the toilet because of the oppostie sex issue.

I can just imagine their embarrassement if I offered to take them though!!!

AlaskaHQ · 20/01/2011 17:41

YANBU.

I am obviously out on a limb here, but I don't think you are being unreasonable. Invited to a party by another parent, I would assume there would be a parent there with them ... or the invite would have been worded differently - ie "XXX is taking some friends to a film, would YYY like to join them".

You clearly weren't expecting them to be unattended. And they probably were always going to be absolutely fine, but it should have been made clear to the parents of the guests.

upahill · 20/01/2011 17:42

Another ancedote.
I had a party at my house when the children were small and I was supervising and somehow some children managed to spill dark blue gloss paint all over my landing!!

Shit supervising that!!!

I was actually getting the party food on the table when it happened so admitedly I took my eye off the ball for a minute but if I hadn't they would have been hungary!!!

AlaskaHQ · 20/01/2011 17:44

And the loo thing...

Fine to let 10 & 11 year olds go to the bathroom on their own, but if you are sitting in the cinema you will know there is a problem in 5 minutes when they don't return, rather than 2 hours later if you are only picking them up at the end of the film.

I think YANBU

upahill · 20/01/2011 17:45

Bebopper ....... Have you decided if you are going to have 'words' or not.

I don't know what you want her to do about it but one thing is for sure your DC won't get invited again!

BluddyMoFo · 20/01/2011 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

activate · 20/01/2011 17:50

you are absolutely mad

she is 10 not 2

PlanetEarth · 20/01/2011 17:56

There was a 12-year-old raped in a shopping centre toilet in Birmingham a year or two ago. Sad. I do let my kids go to public loos on their own, but this does come back to me at times as I'm waiting for them. And yes, if they were a long time gone I'd go and get them, but how long does it take to rape someone?

Having said that, I think as a parent you have to let go sometimes and trust in the statistics that this kind of thing is vanishingly unlikely.

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