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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that at a party my 10 year old and friends were lefy unaccompanied in a cinema??

189 replies

bebopper · 20/01/2011 13:01

First post so forgive any mistakes!
My 10year old was invited at the last minute to an 11year olds party on Sunday - cinema and pizza hut. On smiling terms with her mum and dd friends with child - so accepted happily.
What I hadn't realised is that the girls (four of them) were taken to the cinema and left unaccompanied for a two and a half hour film whilst the mum went shopping! I was a bit gobsmacked to be honest- ok this was a Sunday afternoon but even so, I think it was a bit much!
What do other mums think- am I right to be a bit cross and should I talk to her about it?

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 20/01/2011 13:28

By 10 I had just about let my DDs go to cinema without an adult. My main worry especially with DD2 was that they would annoy others by being loud and silly.

I do think though that this mum should have told parents she wouldn't be going in with them.

This is the age were some parents give their DC more freedom than I gave mine, i.e. letting them go on a long bus journey to spend all day at the beach by themselves or spending all day wandering around the city centre. It caused lots of "discussions" with my DDs, but I didn't give in!

MooMooFarm · 20/01/2011 13:35

I think the issue here is the lack of communication between you and the mother.

Personally I would have asked her if she was watching the film with them - ie "will you be watching the film too then? It's just that my DD hasn't ever been to the cinema on her own before...".

Then it would be your choice whether to let her go or not.

I also think the mother should have made it clear what was happening and that she wasn't staying with them.

I've always found things like this a bit of a stress TBH. I'm very protective (maybe too much) of my DC's and have probably not allowed them to do things many mums would think ok. But because of that I always make sure I ask loads of questions. I probably come across as a nutter!

TroubledPrincess · 20/01/2011 13:42

YABU 10 is plenty old enough to leave unattended in the cinema

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/01/2011 13:44

it would have been nice if the mum had said to you they were watching the film alone and then she was pcking up

if she had said this,would you have agreed?

tbh many 10/11yrs make their own way to secondary school via bus/train alone

rockinhippy · 20/01/2011 13:50

You are being way too precious & IMHO doing your DD no favours as a result, its our job to equip them to grow up, not wrap them in cotton wool & expect other more sensible & realist parents to do the same when in their care...how do you expect your Dd to be able to cope with going to the loo on her own as an adult, if she's never trusted to be sensible enough at 10.....ridicukous.......10 is AMPLE old enough for the situation you mention above,

YADBVU

Guacamole · 20/01/2011 13:50

Here's my take on it... I think I would have wanted to know first so that I could discuss this with my DC, talk to him about responsibility and trust and safety. But then I would have let him go. I think YANBU, you should have been made aware.

taintedpaint · 20/01/2011 13:51

I wouldn't have a problem with this. They were in a group and were dropped off. The only slight annoyance I would have would be if I wasn't aware the mum was leaving, but I don't think it's out of order for the mum to assume other parents would expect this. I would only be mildly annoyed she hadn't made this clear, not that she had actually done it, IYGWIM.

Don't confront the mum, use this experience to remind you to double check on these things in the future. And perhaps have a think about what is acceptable for you now that your DD is growing up, just so you're clear how you feel for anything coming up in the next year or so.

MirandaWest · 20/01/2011 14:02

I don't think I would have a problem with it. But would have appreciated being told what the arrangements were.

In our local independent cinema there is a Kids Club on Saturday mornings where children aged 8 and up can be left on their own.

goingmadinthecountry · 20/01/2011 14:03

It's possible the mum wouldn't have dreamt anyone would mind. Wouldn't bother me in the least as I think 10 is certainly old enough. 8 months and they'll be in the big wide world of secondary school - they will certainly fare better there if they are used to being independent.

melikalikimaka · 20/01/2011 14:07

[Hands up in the air], I did this last summer, with my DS and three friends[all age 10 and 11]. They all had mobiles and I trusted them.

Nothing bad happened, no one died!Hmm

BendyBob · 20/01/2011 14:14

I can sympathise with bebopper here.

I almost certainly wouldn't have a problem with it, but I'd like to have been told what was going on so that I could be the one to ultimately decide tbh. Some 10 yr olds are more mature than others.

At this age you're in the territory of some being allowed to do x,y z whilst other parents are still mulling it over.

I like to decide myself rather than being pushed along with the general consensus.

It's like the walking to school alone chestnut. My 9 yr old doesn't go alone yet. Yes, she'd prob be fine, we're nearly there with it and soon she will. Some of her classmates do already do. It's something we'll decide as a family not cos of peer pressure.

upahill · 20/01/2011 14:15

It is a 'party' in the sense of a gathering of a couple of friends not an unsupervised party at a house where everyone was invited and no one keeping an eye on things.

Sorry but unless you DC in vulnerable in any way eg they have a learing disability and need support YABU.

Me and DS friends mums have been doing this for a while.

I go to the gym next door, they know where I am and I check what time the film finishes.

DS had a bit of a giggle with his mates, I get my work out done. Everyone happy.

(Glad your not one of DS's friends mum tbh)

FabbyChic · 20/01/2011 14:16

Sorry but I don't see a problem with this she took them, she bought their tickets they watched a film and she was there when it finished, what is the harm.

Your daughter is ten years old, not a baby.

joydivisionovengloves · 20/01/2011 14:18

YABU - they are not babies

MumNWLondon · 20/01/2011 14:19

I think ok if its 4 girls, not ideal if it was a group of 20 (more scope for mischief). But the mum definately should have made it clear, so YANBU to be a bit cross.

(Even if the mum had stayed would you have expected her to accompany them to the toilet?)

BendyBob · 20/01/2011 14:19

Also the mum arranging this is assuming everyone else is at the point her own dd is wrt being left alone.

That's a big assumption to make - esp when you are temporarily responsible for the others. She should have said what the plan was.

NancyDrewHasaClue · 20/01/2011 14:21

YABU

I can see that you might have liked to have been informed of the situation beforehand but would you really have not let her stay if you knew she was going to be unaccompanied?

And I don't understand the toilet reference? My 6 year old wont allow me to accompany her to the toilet of it somewhere she has been before.

tyzer2001 · 20/01/2011 14:24

YABU.

They were together, they were fine.

Decorhate · 20/01/2011 14:41

Actually I think everyone saying yabu is unreasonable! It very much depends on what is the norm where you live and what your dc is used to. Where I live children generally don't take themselves to school until they are at secondary. Similarily children if that age would not be left unsupervised at the cinema, esp a birthday outing... So it does depend on what is usually done where you live. Re the toilets - actually I doubt my dcs would know where they were at the cinema (we don't go often enough & frequent 3 different ones). So yes there would be scope for getting lost or upset if they needed the loo..

RunawayFishWife · 20/01/2011 14:47

You were concerned about them going to the loo?
Is your daughter not toilet trained then?

If a 10 year old can not sit through a film with 3 others then meet the adult at the designated place then maybe you should take a look at your parenting, as when high school comes your are going to have problems

MungBeans · 20/01/2011 14:54

YANBU.

She should have run it past you first. I would be happy for my 10 year old DD to do this but I would have wanted the opportunity to make sure she was comfortable with the idea, and to make sure she knew where the toilets were, not to go off alone etc.

choccyp1g · 20/01/2011 14:56

With DS a bunch of boys that age I'd be more worried about them mucking about and spoiling the film for other people.
But the other mum should have checked, people have very different approached to this sort of occasion.

For example, since last summer I have let DS (10) play football in the park with visiting friends, but always checked with the parents that they are OK with it. So far all the parents have agreed.

ThatllDoPig · 20/01/2011 14:56

I thing YANBU!
It probablhy is the right sort of age for this kind of thing to start happening, beginning of independence etc. But I would be pissed off if another mum made this decision for me, without even discussing if I was ok with it.
Have a good chat with your dc and discuss what she would do IF approached by anyone dodgy.
Advise going to loo WITH a friend.
I know it is horrible to think of and you don't want to scare them, but the reality it that there ARE people who would take opportunities to prey on young people in public places. I've experienced it, and a child of a friend of mine has too.

Ormirian · 20/01/2011 14:56

Yes.

next!

QuickLookBusy · 20/01/2011 15:01

I don't think the OP's DD will have problems when she goes to high school.

I was the "strict" parent within my DD's group. Both of my DDs settled into high school with no problems at all, and have both done very well at school.

The "toilet" comments also leave me Hmm. I have drilled into my 2 DDs [as my mum did to me] that, in an unfamiliar place, you always go to the loo with someone else. Yes it might be alarmist to bring up the sex attacks that have happened in public toilets, but it does happen. Its common sense isn't it?

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