to turf out DH's family?

[squarebobspongepants]

I had DD three weeks ago and DH's family are staying with us (we live abroad so they've come to see our baby and turned it into a two week holiday, grr.) This morning BIL said to me "Can you find a way to keep that baby quiet at night? It woke me up and I found it impossible to drift off again." Arsehole.

Then MIL said "Haha, you better throw those jeans out now 'cause you're never going to get your pre-baby body back." Even bigger arsehole.

And I've had MIL and SIL hanging over my shoulder 24/7 telling me I'm doing everything wrong.

After having a good cry in the bathroom I told DH that they would have to go and stay in a nearby hotel as I just can't cope with them. We have not had any time to be alone with DD because MIL is always grabbing her off me "to give her a cuddle" and then won't give her back when I ask/beg/plead. Anyway, DH says we can't possibly chuck 'em out and that I'll just have to "get over it and fast."
I just feel so sad/lonely and I really don't want to feel like that considering I have a beautiful, healthy baby.

Sorry, haha, rant over.

I get the feeling you've just saved yourself years of heartbreak, one way or another. I hope your Mum gets to you soon.

Oh my God.

I am so sorry - were there issues before this? He sounds like a baby! Could you not get to the UK? I really hope you find some answers as your big baby of a husband has major problems as do his pathetic family. It does sound like you would be better off if it were just you and your baby.

Please let us know how you are and I hope your mum gets to you very soon or you to her

I've got a feeling you are very very right weefriend

Better knowing now than years down the line - and still chance to get away from these losers

She can't leave Brazil with her DD without a passport for her - and that could be a bit tricky to obtain in Brazil.

SBSP - I can't believe that your H is being such a grade A knobend, although indications weren't good when he fecked off with his family in the first place. However, have you phoned the British Consulate/Embassy to discuss options? WHy are you in Brazil anyway - is it a life-move or are you/your H on a work contract?

I really hope your Mum turns up for you soon and am so :( that you are having to go through this arrant nonsense. I could really slap your H for being such a wanker!

Think everyone needs to calm down a bit.

Hope you are OK, Spongebob. Is this your first baby?

I think the MN reaction sometimes of just telling everyone to f off, might be quick and easy to type, but it isn't easy to live with.

Yes, the OP's DH didn't seem to be behaving well, but we don't know the whole story from a few lines of texts on a screen. The OP is adjusting to being a new mother, but he is adjusting to being a new father too. He might be naive enough to have learnt his ideas of fatherhood from films etc where, after the drama of the labour, and the elation of the birth, he might not realise that things don't go smoothly straight after.

So, he might think (ignorantly) that everything is fine, but the reality is very different.

So, all of this might have hit him out of the blue; he might have thought his DW was OK (maybe she hasn't communicated that she isn't), so all he might know is that his wife had a baby, his family are hear (he probably won't have picked up on the comments - ) and know she has told his family to fuck off.

OP - I don't blame you for being upset, I would be, but calm down try to think straight before you make ay hasty decisions.

And I'm saying this as someone who jumped in the car on Day 3 after having DC3, looking for a place to jump, not because Dh was inconsiderate, but because I was so hormonal and sleep deprived that I couldn't think straight.

Good luck with your beautiful baby. Life just gets better and better.

non no you speak a lot of sense.
OP, don't rush into any thing, you really are not in the right place mentally, so soon after the birth, to be making any big decisions. A new baby is a huge change in a couple's life and everyone reacts very differently. The most important thing is for you both to talk, really honestly and calmly.
I hope things get better for all of you and you get to enjoy your beautiful dd together. ( with a bit of babysitting from in laws on your terms in the future )

NonnoMum, did you read the OP? "Anyway, DH says we can't possibly chuck 'em out and that I'll just have to "get over it and fast."" He knows she was upset and he obviously doesn't care. Why are you apologising for him? There is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour.

Well I wouldn't help him pack a few things for him.
I would pack a lot of my things and go home to my mum for some well deserved looking after.

squarebob, has he ever done anything like this before?

I hope your Mum gets to you soon.

Sorry - typos...

His family are here

And now she has told his family to F off.

Yes, I did read the OP.

He may be ignorant, not heartless.

He obviously hasn't had a good emotional intelligence upbringing from his family (BiL made my blood boil), and nobody has given him the handbook on how to behave in the weeks/months after you DW has given birth, but I think everyone needs to take a few deep breaths here.

Nonnomum...your advice is really, really bad

I can't believe you have read all the thread

You don't think this bloke has acted in a heartless manner ?

I have to wonder about the sort of relationship you are living in ...

Come along and judge me anytime.

You'd be welcome into my home.

Was just trying to calm everyone down a bit.

But, as you were.

I am absolutely stunned that a man could be so utterly callous.

OP I hope your Mum can get to you soon, you poor thing :(

Posting tripe like that isn't going to calm anyone down, NM

Are you saying the OP has no right to feel angry here, and should chalk his behaviour down to a bit of a shitty upbringing ?

I had a mega-shitty upbringing.

I would never treat anyone like this.

Nor would I accept anyone treating me like this.

I didn't say she has no right to feel angry, but, as far as I've ever heard, not many conflicts were solved by different parties just screeching fuck the fuck off to each other.

Perhaps OP doesn't want to solve this conflict - that's her choice.

She's asked for opinions - I've given mine. She can take it or leave it.

Do you want to come round Saturday or Sunday? I'll bake a cake.

mmmm cake ... is it chocolate fudge cake???

Her dh has been a knob, He acted like a shitty nippy and twisted little arse and deserves a great big MN and real life doing over.

BUT

It may be something they can work past if they are both willing.

Obviously for some people the way he behaved is a deal breaker...for others it might not be!

He is STILL punishing SBSP for her entirely-understandable outburst against his encroaching selfish bastard family.
He is ignoring his 3wo DD and his hormonal, sleep-deprived and recently-given-birth DW in favour of said selfish bastard family.

What's not to love there?

I am only coming to visit if it's ass-cake

Sponge, get your dd's UK passport sorted out ASAP. I'd be heading home with your DM and DD if this was how my DH was behaving.

If his family are anything like my dhs who live a long way away (by air) it will get worse in the future. Often mil will come to stay for 2 MONTHS, I am demented by the end of the visit & then someone else will come!! We would honestly see less of them if we lived near them.

What an idiot. I can't believe he doesn't want to see his dd...
Biggest hugs to you sponge xxxx

Oh, I feel so dreaful for you Spongebob, you must be beside yourself with no family nearby and your DH behaving in this way and then saying he doesn't want to see his DD.

No doubt he will try and come crawling back once his family leave and I suspect hsi behaviour is in part about throwing a strop and trying to 'teach you a lesson' as he no doubt knows/thinks you haven't got many options about where to go with a new baby and not in your home country and thinks you'll just be stuck there waiting for him whenever he decides to come back./ Both he and his family have behaved absolutely shockingly. I am so angry on your behalf.

Not sure if you should be leaving him if this is a one off, but you certainly need to set a precedent that his behaviour is not acceptable now and never will be.

I hope your Mum can get over to offer you some support.

She is fully entitled to tell him to shite and slide in it. I would agree totally of she did.

But she may not want to.

If its a "only behaved this way/with this attitude once, totally abnormal behaviour"... "blip" yes, beyond comprehension and (insert whatever words come to mind) she/they might want to discuss* the possibility of staying together ... with appropriate groveling and changes to behaviour

Wow you sure know how to get your pitch forks out around here! Sounds like you would lynch the guy in a minute.

Agreed he sounds like he is behaving appallingly at a critical time, but how can any of you suggest the OP leave him for good and start fresh with a brand new baby!

You are playing with real lives here and you have no proper insight on these people. How can you sleep at night after suggesting to a random stranger on the internet that they leave their husband, based on one thing they wrote. It is from following the advice on here that caused him to go in the first place. Maybe they always argue and makeup. maybe they never argue, maybe OP has always had a bad relationship with the inlaws and this issue has been going on for a long time. Maybe he did not want to have kids and the OP got pregnant anyway. I am just saying we have NO IDEA of the big picture here.

The only decent suggestion is that she talks to her DH, explains her point of view and finds out why he left before making any radical decisions.

erm, no one is twisting anyone's arm here - "suggestion" (or advice) is the operative word, it's entirely up to the OP what she does so really, there is no need for any breast-beating and sleepless nights.