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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turf out DH's family?

373 replies

squarebobspongepants · 18/01/2011 05:23

I had DD three weeks ago and DH's family are staying with us (we live abroad so they've come to see our baby and turned it into a two week holiday, grr.) This morning BIL said to me "Can you find a way to keep that baby quiet at night? It woke me up and I found it impossible to drift off again." Arsehole.

Then MIL said "Haha, you better throw those jeans out now 'cause you're never going to get your pre-baby body back." Even bigger arsehole.

And I've had MIL and SIL hanging over my shoulder 24/7 telling me I'm doing everything wrong.

After having a good cry in the bathroom I told DH that they would have to go and stay in a nearby hotel as I just can't cope with them. We have not had any time to be alone with DD because MIL is always grabbing her off me "to give her a cuddle" and then won't give her back when I ask/beg/plead. Anyway, DH says we can't possibly chuck 'em out and that I'll just have to "get over it and fast."
I just feel so sad/lonely and I really don't want to feel like that considering I have a beautiful, healthy baby.

Sorry, haha, rant over.

OP posts:
Pixieonthemoor · 20/01/2011 14:12

Hope you are ok Squarebob. And I hope that your prat of a dh has come back crawling on his belly so you can sit down and have a good heart to heart about how giving birth can leave you feeling exhausted and terribly vulnerable. Perhaps this has never occurred to him - that you really need his help and protection right now even (especially?) from the 'nearest and dearest'. Good luck. But yippeeee that the others have all gone!!

OTheHugeManatee · 20/01/2011 14:14

Squarebob? How are you doing?

Deciduousblonde · 20/01/2011 14:59

I'm thinking of you Squarebob..

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 20/01/2011 15:14

They probably think they are being amusing with 'tounge in cheek' comments esp BIL (I'd bloody well hope so anyway). But I agree they need more of a 'foot in butt-cheek' to help them on their way.

YOUR baby & YOU deserve to spend these gorgeous first weeks as you please, without any such crap from ANYONE. Enough is enough. Good luck in helping them on their way, or go to that hotel and return once your DP has got rid of them.

BTW I know it probably feels hard at the moment, but do try and summon up your own sense of humour too, in order to get your way. I think you need & deserve some space, but you're clearly being really pushed here & it would be a shame to burn bridges with them. So summon up all the good will you can to manipulate (or preferably get your DP to manipulate) a graceful exit for your inlaws, with doors open.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 20/01/2011 15:17

blimey just read whole post. Hope you're OK spongebob & enjoying some time alone with your baby.

Oh & congratulations by the way Grin

CaveMum · 20/01/2011 15:17

Bump

Hope you are ok OP

Plumm · 20/01/2011 15:30

Hope you're okay spongebob and are busy making up with DH.

CoronaAndLime · 20/01/2011 17:37

Hope you, your Dh and little one are well today.

TyraG · 20/01/2011 18:29

Thinking about you squarebob hoping you and your DD are doing well and that your DH is begging for forgiveness.

Tolalola · 20/01/2011 18:56

Please come back and tell us you're ok when you can, squarebob.

Hope you're having a lovely time with your baby and that you've spoken to your DH.

Ihavebeencreditcrunched · 20/01/2011 20:45

Congratulations on your new baby Smile
I hope things have resolved for you with DH.
Just hope you come back to let us know how you are doing

Original poster
squarebobspongepants · 20/01/2011 21:53

Thank you all so much for being so lovely. Things aren't going very well on the DH front; he phoned today to ask if I would throw some more clothes/work stuff into a bag for him to pick up, I asked if he wanted to see DD and he said "No, I just want my stuff" so I'm considering just chucking all his things in and telling him not to come back.

I do have some good friends around and have phoned my mum in a bit of a panic so she's trying to get a flight over (she's in UK, I'm in Brazil.)

Just can't believe it's come to this... x

OP posts:
PatPending · 20/01/2011 21:59

Oh Lord!
So sorry about all this - don't know what to say!

Take care!! XX

TandB · 20/01/2011 22:02

I'm so sorry you are going through this. He is completely and totally in the wrong and no doubt expecting you to be weeping and apologetic when he comes to get his stuff.

I think this is going to be a real watershed in your relationship and how you act now will be crucial.

Stay strong. He is totally in the wrong.

gonerogue · 20/01/2011 22:02

Oh Spongebob that's such a shame. I really hope your mum can get to you. I am completely at a loss for words at your DH and his actions and you would have every right to kick his ass out. Angry

Does he not realise you have a three week old babe? My DH is even shocked at this story.

Really hope you have some support and a shoulder or two to cry on.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 20/01/2011 22:09

I am ShockShockShock at this thread.

I would leave his stuff on the doorstep for him and change the locks. What a grade A fuckwit he is!!

KangarooCaught · 20/01/2011 22:09

Am just thunderstruck by how appalling his behaviour is. Has he always been like this?I do hope your mother can come out and be with you, you need some tlc.

NoWayNoHow · 20/01/2011 22:09

I've just summarised this story for my husband, and all he's said is "What a C**T" (his words, not mine, I would possibly had been slightly more delicate!)

Maybe instead of your Mum trying to fly out from the UK, perhaps you should think about flying back TO the UK where your family and friends are based?

I am so very, very Sad for you, I know what a mess I was when my DS was 3 weeks old, and I have no idea how I would cope if all this was going on too...

Please stay strong, keep visiting us on here if you need ANYTHING. I hope things get better for you really, really quickly.

jenga079 · 20/01/2011 22:10

I've never even met you & I want to jump on a plane and hug you! Really hope you and DD are okay. BIG HUG xx

Ihavebeencreditcrunched · 20/01/2011 22:11

Seriously! he honestly has no interest in seeing HIS DD.

Holy fuck! I am more angry now than I was before.

I think I would be very tempted to chuck the lot in a pile and burn it in bags and leave it sitting on the step when he is due, never speaking to the selfish, ignorant, prick of a manboy again.

BUT

Do you feel up to...or would there be a chance of... a meeting to have an adult discussion about the situation?

his behaviour is so strange and over the top. Why/how could he walk away from you and his child so easily?

echt · 20/01/2011 22:11

Hope your mum gets to you soon, sponge

OhCobblers · 20/01/2011 22:13

completely shocked and stunned by such awful behaviour.
agree with what kungfupanda has just said.

spongebob has there ever been an indication in past behaviour that your DH thinks like this? it might not have meant much at the time but perhaps makes sense to you now? just wondering. its utterly astonishing how your husband can just turn like that??

you are so right and he is so wrong.
this must be very very hard for you Sad - my heart goes out to you, it really does.

MoonUnitAlpha · 20/01/2011 22:14

Unbelievable! I too would be looking for a flight back to the UK asap.

Deciduousblonde · 20/01/2011 22:18

Me too.

I wouldn't pack his stuff either. The bastard can either pack his own stuff or buy some new stuff.

Sorry but there would be no going back for me, because this is totally outrageous. Hope you are ok Squarebob. You need your mum..xx

skirt · 20/01/2011 22:20

You poor woman, have a massive hug. Your dh will blame those awful slags from the internet you know, poisoning your mind Wink
Fucking idiot.

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