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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why dog owners get offended because mychild is scared of their dog?

229 replies

hoovercraft · 17/01/2011 07:26

My ds is really really scared of strange dogs. Its something thats quite upsetting and we dont know where it has come from. We are trying our best to work with it.

Went out yesterday to a local park/woods and there were many dogs. Ds was almost crippled with fear when he saw a dog approaching...we held his hands and reassured him.One barked and he cried. We hadnt realised he would be so scared tbh but the barking dog set us up for a looooong walk back to the car that day.

What I dont understand is why dog owners get so angry because my child is scared. We made no comment about them...heck, its a park, they are allowed to walk their dogs ffs. I even went overboard telling him not to worry when most dogs went past.....it was a lovely dog, a happy tail wagging dog, it wont hurt you etc and all we got were glares and rather nasty "it wont HURT you know!".
Whats that all about then?

OP posts:
TurkeyBurgerThing · 17/01/2011 07:29

What do they say to you?

mitochondria · 17/01/2011 07:30

Ah yes, the "it's OK, he's quite friendly" brigade.

Thing is, when dog is actually larger than toddler, with big teeth, I can quite understand why toddler is a bit worried when the thing comes bounding up to them, not on a lead.

My smaller boy is a bit wary of dogs, as he was knocked to the floor by a "perfectly friendly" one when he was a toddler.

As for "it won't HURT you" - the owner might think they are confident in that assumption. I'm not so sure - I have never met these dogs before.

onceamai · 17/01/2011 07:34

Agreed. There seems to be a lack of understanding amongst dog owners that some people are genuinely scared. It's perfectly irrational just like any other phobia but I bet they wouldn't be so dismissive if, for example, their child was afraid of water or they were afraid of heights.

izzybiz · 17/01/2011 07:36

Do they?
Im perfectly aware that not everyone likes dogs, child or otherwise.

Furball · 17/01/2011 07:37

we've endured the same as my ds doesn't like dogs either. It's almost like they are insulted cos you won't fuss over their slobbering rover

Original poster
hoovercraft · 17/01/2011 07:38

ds is 6 btw, not a toddler

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 17/01/2011 07:38

YANBU but I can see their point. My friend's child was terrified of all animals... cats, hamsters, you name it. She would stand shrieking in terror if she saw a cat sitting on a wall. In that case, my friend recognised that her child had a problem and did something about it rather than blaming the cat owner. Dogs may be larger, be bouncy and have sharp teeth etc., but if he's screaming for no real reason, he may need some help with the phobia.

Lizzylou · 17/01/2011 07:38

DS1 is really scared of dogs and DS2 is unsure of them.
I do know exactly what you mean, and it's not all the dog owners, but some do seem angry that my kids don't like their dog.

Rosebud05 · 17/01/2011 07:39

Yes, I've moved my (very young) kids away from a strange dog and owners have snapped 'he's good with kids' or the like. I think some dog owners do see anyone's natural cautiousness as an affront to their dog ownery or the dog itself.

The 'he's only being friendly' one makes me very Confused as that's exactly what the two owners of the two dogs who have bitten me said.

This thread will kick off quite soon, I would wager.

Original poster
hoovercraft · 17/01/2011 07:45

They were lovely dogs...cute little ones and a big one that looked like a big old cuddly bear. I made no negative comments at all. I wish he would be ok with them.

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 17/01/2011 07:49

If you want him to be OK with dogs then you should do something to actively make that happen. In my friend's DD's case they started with the smaller, more approachable animals... petting them and feeding them etc... and moved up to bigger animals as she got more confident. I don't think the child will ever be an actual animal-lover but at least she's stopped being hysterical at the sight of a cat. It's right to be wary of dogs - especially large ones - but a six year-old crying just because one barks is more of a handicap than a natural reaction.

shitmagnet · 17/01/2011 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saltire · 17/01/2011 07:51

Well as a dog owner, I'd like to say its not all dog owners who get offended. if I was in a park (where dogs were allowed)and there were childrena dnadults going around I'd have him on the lead. I'd never presume that everyone I meet loves dogs

DS1 had a friend who was terrified of dogs. He came to our house once, and, knowing he was scared of them, I put the dogs int eh garden. With the door shut. He saw them through the window and stood on the table screaming his head off wanting to go home in case they bit him. That was obviously more than just a fear, it was a phobia.

Bucharest · 17/01/2011 07:53

It can develop into a real problem though....
My SIL is terrified of cats and dogs. So are all her 3 children. The oldest boy is 12. So he looks a bit of an eejit when a cat comes near him and he freaks out.

Of course it's sensible to be cautious with unfamiliar dogs (I always tell dd that she can pet a dog if it's one we know, she is with me, and I've done it first and am monitoring)

Cartoony things on animals and their general fluffinss might help?

ceres · 17/01/2011 07:56

i am not offended by people being scared of my dog. i am perfectly aware that much as i love him others may not feel the same (although plenty of people do love him, he is rather gorgeous with a fabulous personality!).

if you have come accross people who get offended that your son is afraid of their dog i would suggest it is the same phenonomen (regularly apparant from wedding threads on mn) that causes parents to get highly offended and upset when their children are not included in an invite. or when anyone suggests that they would like to go out for a meal/to the cinema/wherever and not have children running around/making lots of noise/whatever.

and i am not comparing dogs to children (before any of above variety of parents get offended) simply pointing out that some people cannot understand why anyone would not simply adore their child/pet.

some people don't like dogs. some don't like children. it is fine for people to not like either, or both, so long as they don't harm either children or dogs.

Original poster
hoovercraft · 17/01/2011 07:58

We were surprised at how scared he was. It was just caution and holding our hands untilthe one who barked (not random barking...the dog ran up to him and barked "at" him...as an excited dog would do on seeing a child).

We eveb thought of buying a puppy but we dont want to make that sort of committment just for his fear.

I hope it goes away and yesterday was the worst Ive seen (probably as he got a fright) but I was surprised by the reaction of those dog owners). Hnestly, we like dogs, its not a judgment on your dog...my child is just scared.

OP posts:
Original poster
hoovercraft · 17/01/2011 07:59

ceres Yes!! I have a few friends who have that party thing with their kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
hoovercraft · 17/01/2011 08:01

i thinkI have toast crumbs in my keyboard Blush

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 17/01/2011 08:12

You don't have to go so far as to buy him a puppy but why not invite a friend round who has a small, well-behaved dog and let him experience one at close quarters? He doesn't have to adore dogs, but it's not a good thing if he's 'crippled with fear'. I'm not a dog-owner but it was my cat in the story earlier.... :)... and I did think the child was over-reacting.

Original poster
hoovercraft · 17/01/2011 08:19

We dont have any friends with dogs.

OP posts:
Morloth · 17/01/2011 08:35

Being afraid of dogs is not an irrational fear.

Dogs are basically wolves and humans are just jumped up monkeys.

Makes perfect sense for a small monkey to be afraid of a wolf that is often bigger than it is.

I like dogs but people in the UK appear obsessed with them and forget that not everyone is in love with their dog.

roundthehouses · 17/01/2011 08:37

I have friends like this, they don't get offended but they are quite patronising and scathing about ds being scared of their dogs. He is 3 and their dogs are nice enough but they are young and even the owner recognises they are not trained and are very excitable/ jump up a lot/ don't get walked enough (to burn off excess energy). I just avoid taking him to their house now as it isn't fun for anyone.

I have another friend with numerous dogs - maybe 7? all are walked very regularly and have extensive grounds to run around in. They are all well trained but more than this she automatically and without being asked puts them all in a seperate fenced off area when guests come over. Her 3 year old is fine with all her dogs running loose but she appreciates not everyone will feel the same.

LadyBiscuit · 17/01/2011 08:44

My DS was like this and it was making life really difficult (we live near the sea and in the winter, the beach is prime dog-walking territory). We looked after a friend's dog over Xmas and it has completely and utterly cured him.

I have been so tempted to start a thread on here about the people who let their greyhounds jump up at me and my DS to the point where I had to pick him up while they were standing on the other side of the beach, chatting. Eventually they shouted out 'sorry!' in a cheery way. I didn't think they would hurt us but it infuriated me that they had so little regard for the fact that we have as much right to be on the beach as they do. I have got a sonic dog repellent now.

Sorry, a bit off topic but I know what you mean. The owner of every single dog that has terrified my DS has said 'He won't hurt him' and some of that has been in quite an offended tone. So YANBU

(blimey that was a bit of a rant!)

LadyBiscuit · 17/01/2011 08:45

Ranty and virtually incomprehensible Blush Hope you get the gist

Shodan · 17/01/2011 08:47

Ds2 became scared of dogs after a boisterous boxer puppy jumped up at him and knocked him down (ds2 was 2 at the time, now 3).

We've been lucky; all the dog owners we've met have been very understanding and nice about it, even staying around longer than they had time for to let ds2 peek from behind my legs, move gradually closer etc.

The other day we came across a lovely little dog (I don't know what kind, some kind of terrier perhaps?) who was barely bigger than one of our cats. Ds2 actually managed to stroke it! The two owners were chuffed to bits that their dog was 'the one' to finally help ds2 overcome his fear, I was chuffed to bits that he'd finally done it and ds2 was immensely proud of himself.

I have always explained very quickly why ds2 is/was nervous of dogs though and all the dog owners have accepted this, maybe that's the crucial thing?