To wonder why dog owners get offended because mychild is scared of their dog?

[hoovercraft]

My ds is really really scared of strange dogs. Its something thats quite upsetting and we dont know where it has come from. We are trying our best to work with it.

Went out yesterday to a local park/woods and there were many dogs. Ds was almost crippled with fear when he saw a dog approaching...we held his hands and reassured him.One barked and he cried. We hadnt realised he would be so scared tbh but the barking dog set us up for a looooong walk back to the car that day.

What I dont understand is why dog owners get so angry because my child is scared. We made no comment about them...heck, its a park, they are allowed to walk their dogs ffs. I even went overboard telling him not to worry when most dogs went past.....it was a lovely dog, a happy tail wagging dog, it wont hurt you etc and all we got were glares and rather nasty "it wont HURT you know!".
Whats that all about then?

ceres - dogs are different to children and can't be compared! dogs are only pets and children are human beings with a massive sets of rights. Don't think i've ever seen any one really be frightened of a small child

I understood what Ceres was saying. The relationship between some owners and their dogs certainly can be compared to that of a parent and their child. Especially is the owner doesn't have children, their dogs are their substitute kids and they love them just as if they are their children.

Therefore, just as a parent may be offended if someone reacts badly to their child, owners may be offended if someone reacts badly to their "fur baby".

Mad but true.

I don't think anyone should have to explain that they're scared of dogs. Dog owners should be considerate and keep their dogs away from people until invited to do otherwise. You shouldn't need to have the "yes, I appreciate that you say your dog is just being friendly, but so did the owners of the three dogs that I have bitten me" discussion.

I don't think many people do get offended, but if they do it's probably because they love their dog almst as much as you love your child. Sad but true. To them, it would be the same as someone showing obvious distain for your baby, if someone did that, you would feel slightly offended, right?

I'm not saying they are right, but unless someone is having a go at you or letting their dog's behaviour get out of control then there's not much you can do. People do get very precious about their dogs!

I will admit to being a teeny bit disappointed when children don't like my dog. The park that we walk him in is used by lots of children and dog walkers, and I enjoy it when I hear a small child talk excitedly about my dog, or hear a parent point him out to their lo. I offer to let the children stroke him in those circumstances, because imo, he is great for small children. I can make him sit still and hold onto his collar while suggesting that a child touches him at the back if they feel a bit nervous. Then we have a little chat about what he feels like or whatever, parents are usually really pleased because it's a nice little experience for a small child, and I get to meet a cute child and feel proud of my dog. As well as doing my bit to help children without much access to dogs to not feel afraid. I think the majority of owners with suitable dogs would be happy to do the same for anyone who needs to help their child be less afraid.

I don't get offended when people don't like my dogs. Most people don 't like my terrier. I don't like my terrier some days .

I do get slightly bemused when older children run screaming from my Whippet puppy who is about 8 inches high and couldn't cause you any damage even if she tried.

I do sometimes think "Offs, help your child get a grip please" if the child is being particularly hysterical, but I'm not offended.

I don't think it is safe for children to be that scared of dogs that they are hysterical, for the dogs or the child. Plus it cannot be pleasent for the child, as generaly you will see dogs on a daily basis whether you like it or not.

Your poor child - I never mind if children are genuinely scared of dogs. Mine is pippin like and most kids will come and see her, even when they are scared of other dogs, she is genuinely good with them and has helped a lot of scared kids, we keep her away from those who are uncomfortable. I always tell them never to go to a strange dog unless the dogs mummy or daddy says they can.

What I really loathe though are parents who are scared of dogs who pass this on to their kids, we had a neighbour like that once who encouraged her child to scream whenever he walked past our garden, poor dog was really upset and no idea what she had done wrong. When I asked her she said she was allergic so wanted to make DS scared so he would never ask for a dog

Not that you are like that at all op, it sounds as though you are really trying to help your child through a horrible phobia, I hope it sorts out soon.

Morloth said:

I like dogs but people in the UK appear obsessed with them and forget that not everyone is in love with their dog.

I know, it's one of the few things I do not like about England.

Like others say, for a tot it is a massive animal with big teeth, it is NORMAL to be scared!

I come across this a lot to. In our case my DS, 3, gets scared around big dogs, I think this is due to one knocking him over getting on top of him and pinning him down, licking him! He is not bothered by small dogs and thinks they are funny. He doesn't cry but he will say, 'scared, scared' and hide behind myself or DP. He will sometimes say to these dogs that they are horrible and should go away. All dogs he will describe what he sees, eg big shaggy black dog he called a 'gorilla dog' small handbag dogs he calls 'rat dogs'. All said in an affectionate way but some owners find that offensive which I think is odd as the dogs aren't going to care that their pedigree title has not being used!

gosh, this annoys me too. we got tutted at when a dog was allowed to jump out of the back of its owner's car, run towards ds and yap at him. He squealed and climbed my leg and the owners tutted. grr

People who get offended when someone is scared of their dog are being ridiculous and totally insensitive. It is well known that many people have a fear of dogs and dog owners should ensure that their dog does not run up at or jump on strangers or people they know don't like dogs. Unfortunately, there are so many dog owners out there who just smile gormlessly and chant 'oh he's very gentle. He won't hurt you'.

As a person afraid of dogs, this really upsets me. Just keep your dog away from me. I don't let my kids run up to strangers and jump all over them with grubby hands. Why do dog owners (some dog owners I hasten to add) find this behaviour acceptable when it comes to their pet.

YANBU.

I was terrified of dogs as a child, until I was about 13/14 actually, and I can remember being so angry when some daft owner would say 'oh he's just making friends' as their giant alsatian or whatever jumped up and put it's paws on my shoulders.

OP - perhaps you should take a water pistol out with you and then your DS can fire water at either the dog or the owner if he choses. After all, it won't hurt them will it?

Clearly I am joking, I am actually very fond of dogs these days and DH and I are considering getting one in the future if space allows.
The attitude of some dog owners is appalling though.

YANBU - I think the world seems to have a very strange outlook on pets sometimes; it's as if they are at least as important, or sometimes more, than the well-being of our children.

Personally we purposely take our children to dog-free parks. Not only do you then not have dogs running up to you, but you also don't keep having to look out for dog poo.

thanks for the therapy dog idea...will look at that

If I see a parent with a scared (or clearly curious but nervous) child, I ask them if they'd like to meet my dog. She's big (a GSD) but extremely child-friendly. Almost all say yes please, and so I ask the dog to sit or lie down, and I sit with her and talk to the child and parent, sometimes I get her to give paw or 'wave' as it's funny for the kid to see. Very often the child feels reassured enough (once the dog is not moving!) to try a little stroke. But even if they don't, they have had a chance to see the dog still and relaxed which is a positive experience for them.

I once had a bloke shield his kids against a wall as I walked by with the dog perfectly to heel right by my knee (on a short lead too). We were several feet away from him and my dog wasn't even looking in their direction (until he behaved so oddly), and I thought this was insane. What a way to reinforce your kids terror of dogs

I believe that both parents and dog owners have a responsibility to keep kids and dogs safe around each other (and with some dogs with will mean keeping them well clear of kids) and to create gentle, positive experiences wherever possible.

I'm not offended when people are scared of my dog. He won't hurt them, but he is big and black and therefore might look a bit frightening, especially to a young child.

I would never say anything to a frightened child or their parents. I simply call my dog away and apologise if I think an apology is needed. Or, if the parents want the child to approach my dog, I make him sit still ready to be patted.

So, YANBU to be annoyed with the dog owners you met at the park, but YABU to assume all dog owners would make such comments.

DooinMeCleanin, yes but as a parent I sometimes think 'oh know here comes a dog bounding over towards DS, can you, the owner, get a grip and manage to call it back successfully, I don't want his muddy paws and slobber all over me or my child as much as he is all lovely to look at!' However, they think your as interested as them and your often just not, plus I'm allergic to them.

'I once had a bloke shield his kids against a wall as I walked by with the dog perfectly to heel right by my knee (on a short lead too). We were several feet away from him and my dog wasn't even looking in their direction (until he behaved so oddly), and I thought this was insane. What a way to reinforce your kids terror of dogs ' haha. Yes this has happened to us too. Not so long ago a mother dragged her child away from my Whippet pup saying loudly "Don't worry, I won't let that big nasty doggy get you, Nasty doggy. Go on you shout at it too. NASTY DOGGY."

My poor pup was not even walking at the time. She was leashed, and dd1 was holding and training her to stand at her side on our doorstep, with my supervision of course. The puppy was far more interested in the chicken she knew dd1 had to pay any attention to the child.

That is the sort of hysterical that makes me go , not just a nervous child.

GoldenBear, I don't allow my dogs to do that. One has instant recall and the other is always tightly leashed or on a training line, as I know I cannot recall him successfully 100% of the time. Until I can he will stay on the longline. They don't approach anyone unless hey are invited to do so.

mjovertherainbow, why is it rude? The dog is not going to be offended is it? It is just a 3 year olds description of what a certain dog looks like to them, like another animal - a rat. You can't be rude to a dog!

op - are you sure they were actually offended? Or were they trying to reassure your ds?

It seems from your op that we're not talking about the kinds of dogs that run up to children here, so is it possible that the owners are either trying to reassure your ds, or they have encountered the "all dogs are evil monsters just waiting to tear your children limb from limb" brigade that appear to inhabit several threads on mn.

I have a guide dog. And because he is a guide dog, we probably encounter somewhat more regularly, those children who are afraid of dogs by mere virtue of the fact my guide dog is allowed everywhere - children's playground, school playground, shops etc. My dog is not going to hurt them. He is under full control, in harnass and on a lead and is not going to jump at them/do anything else to them. And because I can't just go elsewhere and take the dog away from the screaming child in front of me in the queue, I always, always reassure them that he won't hurt them. It makes me quite actually that anyone who makes such a statement is considered to be a selfish dog owner who puts their dog above the perceived welfare of someone else's child.

Many dog owners are inconsiderate, but equally so are many parents. Not all dogs are agressive, and not all dogs are left out of control to jump all over other people's children (that is a different argument entirely). But equally not all dog owners should be expected to have to pander to the often irational fears of children that are regularly encouraged by their parents.

I am not referring to the op with that last statement, as it seems clear she does want to deal with the issue.

I think most people can tell the difference between reassurance and anger. The lady with the HUGE dog (yes it was like a black gorilla, it was sooo cuddly) was lovely and gentle and was reassuring. Others werent so much. One woman contunied to glare at me for quite sometime. It was most uncomfortable.

DooinMeCleanin that is clearly ridiculous but you misunderstand what I'm trying to say - it's not that I think every dog is going to attack my DS, I just think they are a bit grubby at certain times of the year when it us muddy and I really can't be bothered with the washing of my DS's clothes, coat etc, after one visit to the park. Also, I am really not that interested so I don't want to engage in conversation about your dog which some owners assume when you walk past with a small child.