To wonder why dog owners get offended because mychild is scared of their dog?

[hoovercraft]

My ds is really really scared of strange dogs. Its something thats quite upsetting and we dont know where it has come from. We are trying our best to work with it.

Went out yesterday to a local park/woods and there were many dogs. Ds was almost crippled with fear when he saw a dog approaching...we held his hands and reassured him.One barked and he cried. We hadnt realised he would be so scared tbh but the barking dog set us up for a looooong walk back to the car that day.

What I dont understand is why dog owners get so angry because my child is scared. We made no comment about them...heck, its a park, they are allowed to walk their dogs ffs. I even went overboard telling him not to worry when most dogs went past.....it was a lovely dog, a happy tail wagging dog, it wont hurt you etc and all we got were glares and rather nasty "it wont HURT you know!".
Whats that all about then?

DooinMeCleanin that is clearly ridiculous but you misunderstand what I'm trying to say - it's not that I think every dog is going to attack my DS, I just think they are a bit grubby at certain times of the year when it us muddy and I really can't be bothered with the washing of my DS's clothes, coat etc, after one visit to the park. Also, I am really not that interested so I don't want to engage in conversation about your dog which some owners assume when you walk past with a small child.

Where abouts are you hoovercraft? A MNetter might have a lovely small dog your ds could meet.

My aforementioned Whippet puppy is still just the size of cat and is very good with children, although she does wag her tail that hard her whole body shakes, she doesn't jump up, she generally sits at their feet, but her tail often makes her vibrate accross the floor She also wears a coat, this makes most children find her quite funny.

I am NE if that is of any use to you? I was thinking about applying for her to be a PAT dog once she is old enough.

I would say what might be offensive is the parent grouping all dog owners and dogs in together. I can't imagine how you offended someone but in general when someone shelters their child from a dog that is fairly obviously harmless and under owner control you feel they are tarring all owners with the same brush based on some scare stories. It is no different than crossing the road to avoid all teenagers in hoodies or all men in trenchcoats because they "might" flash you. You wouldn't dream of going along with a child who was scared of someone because of a birthmark, for example, as if it was a perfectly reasonable fear - you would approach it with more respect to the "scary" person. I think dog owners, who are responsible with lovely dogs, should be afforded this same respect.

I do think that approaching all dogs as a group might not help him get over it but start with gentle dogs and allow the child to make a risk estimate about how wary they should be, not necessarily based on the breed but the whole interplay between dog, owner, behaviour. Not unlike how he would approach humans and life in general. I have sometimes been asked by the parent if the scared child can pet the dog to see it isn't scary (couldn't be less scary, looks a bit like a teddy) and that is not offensive in the least. Therefore not the fear that is offensive but the parental reaction.

I know what you mean, OP, but I am regularly surprised (and have been all my life) at the amount of children who have absolutely no idea how to behave around animals. I can understand that a dog, especially a big/noisy one, can be very scary to a child, but screaming, running away etc is not safe behaviour around animals and can be very scary/provocative for the dog.

Some basic lessons in school wouldn't go amiss, then kids who come from families that don't like dogs would still know how best to stay safe when out in the park etc, and avoid unwanted dog love :)

I usually avoid people a smuch as possible when walking (which includes training) my dogs. People are a nuisance. Parents always seem to want little Sally or whoever to 'say Hello to the cute doggy' and they just bowl over whilst we are waiting quietly or walking along minding our own business and start pawing my dog. I'd rather they didn't distract my dog from what I am doing with it. Oh. No? Not all parents are the same? Funny that, not all dog owners are the same either... There are idiot dog owners just like there are idiot parents.

OP, if your child is scared of dogs and you want to do something about it then do contact Pets As Therapy. They will find a dog suitable to help your daughters fears.

I think it goes both ways. We don't have a dog at home, but we do have animals so our kids are used to largish animals around. It is still a little intimidating though when the animal they meet is a stranger to them and larger than they are. So yes I do tell my children to stay away from dogs they meet and only let the near dogs if I am with them and have already asked the owner. If the owner is offended, then they need to have a little understanding of the implications all round.

Most people say their dog is good with children, and most of them are, but I don't think it is fair on either the child or the dog to assume anything. I have worked in a vets around dogs and this was repeated to me every time I met a dog, big or small. Basically I don't want the dog to jump up at my kids and scare them nor do I want anything to happen which might upset the dog - this might sound like an extreme view, but if the dog it upset and bites by accident or otherwise, then its not particularly good for anyone.

YADNBU! Because they are nutcases ..

I have gone off dogs lately. IMO, fear is justified.

There is no such thing as a perfectly controlled dog with instant recall.

One alleged such dog (a former police dog) recently attacked an elderly neighbor and, when I intervened, bit me. So much for training - there are times when instinct takes over in the best trained dog.

Dd also required plastic surgery earlier this year, when a very loving "wouldn't hurt anyone" dog bit her face when she bent down to give it a biscuit.

We keep our distance now from almost all dogs, but by God, it is hard. They are everywhere - at the school gates, outside the local shop - everywhere.

Msjovertherainbow, I don't understand, what are all these things that you can offend that don't even take offence - it is impossible to do so? If the owner is offended they are attributing their dog, an animal, with this human emotion which is more their problem than my 3 year olds! Besides how do you give a rational explanation as to why this is a 'rude' thing to say? Do you say this will hurt the dog's feelings and make him sad or this will make the dog owner sad as a rat although an animal is not equal to a dog and in our culture has negative connotations!

Re: mud I don't mind but I don't live in the country, I live in the city and in a flat where there is limited room to dry things so yes I do not want to keep washing clothes. Frankly, my DS plays in the park but never gets that grubby, I wouldn't dream of controlling his fun if he enjoyed rolling around in mud but he just doesn't. You don't see children rolling around in the mud at the parks we go to.

I have a very large yet friendly dog

I also have a son who is terrified of dogs.

I would never be annoyed let alone angry at someone, especially a child, being scared of my dog.

I have never ever in my life met someone who was angry at ds2 being scared of their dog. Never. And ds2 walks the dog with me at least twice a week every week for the last 5 years.

I have encountered a few people who seem indifferent to his fear and I sometimes have to quietly suggests that they get their dog to back the fuck off before I twat them.
But never anger.
Most odd

How can you train a small child to behave in a calm and rational way when they are frightened - until they get to a certain age thats never going to happen and nor should it - its an evolutionary response - not something for dog owners to get cross about.

I think 'screaming and running away' is the dog owners problem if the dc is under a certain age or has SN and not the childs fault.

It's not an evolutionary response. Fear is either taught or stems from a bad experience. 90% of the time it is taught.

My nieces and nephews are all scared of dogs and I couldn't understand why as I have dogs they see often, as do my parents. It was only when I saw my sister screech "Nooooo X. Stay away from the dog. It might eat you" that I realised why they were scared.

And if you encounter a stray dog who is behaving nervously or aggressivly then running away screaming is the worst thing you could do. Which is why I pointed out earlier in thread that behaving hysterically around dogs is not safe for the dog or the child.

glovesoflove - I've said this before but I'll say it again:

I will keep my child away from your dog if you keep your dog away from my child. If you can't control your dog to the extent that it comes back to you when you call it if it's intimidating a child, then it should be on a lead.

Lessons in school teaching children to not run away screaming if they're scared of a dog? FFS

I have a small cute dog. Many small children go hysterical when they see him (or any dog) even from a distance. My DCs used to be wary of dogs, I don't remember them being that bad, but in any case, its down to me to keep my dog away from anyone that doesn't want to be involved.

So when I see a child, I automatically put the dog on a lead or if he is on the lead already, I pull him away. Why should other people put up with MY dog's muddy paws on THEIR children? - it was my decision to have him, as far as I am concerned that's the end of the argument, its my problem not theirs.

midori1999 why does it make a parent an idiot if they are not interested in your dog. I don't go to the park with my DS to engage I'm conversations with osome owners over their dog, I think it is perfectly acceptable to just say yes that's a nice dog and move on. I don't stop with my child near a dog owner and talk about it's pesonality as a) it is a bit self obssessed to think someone is interested and b) my child is a human being with the same human rights that you have. Saying that there are some idiot parents and idiot dog owners is drawing a comparison that shouldn't be made as chidren are human beings and dogs are animals with their own set of rights in this country but their not equal rights.

No YANBU, my sister is terrified of animals and it annoys me when people act as if she has offended them and their pet, it is a phobia that she is working hard to overcome and sarcastic comments don't help. I wouldn't stick a spider in someone's face if they were scared of them, even a very friendly spider, it's no different

It's when they come leaping out of nowhere. Yes the dog may be being friendly and used to be around children and stroked etc but not everyone wants too. We were at a country park place yesterday and it clearly states that dogs are to be kept on leads in the play areas but about 90% of people choose to ignore the signs. There was a dalmation jumping around all over the place yesterday, eventually the owner did put a lead on it but she couldn't really control it properly it was so excitable and she was a wee slip of a woman, it was pulling her, here, there and everywhere.

It is the people who do as they please that annoy me. Rules are there for a purpose and in a childrens playarea, dogs should be on a lead.

mjovertherainbow, it is not about prerogative, it's about fact. You cannot be rude to a dog! A car, house is reflection of a human being's taste so a negative comment about human possessions could be construed as rude and you can rationally explain this to a 3 year old. A dog may have certain physical attributes that are obviously no reflection on the dog owners taste as it is not an inanimate object. I.e if it looks like a rat it just does, the owner has not made it so, they have no control over its appearance as they would a car they chose or a piece of clothing. Besides, what is rude about dog looking like a rodent?

Fimbo I wonder of we were at the same park lol

Why go to woods or places where there will be loads of dogs, until you have addressed his fear?