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Original poster

Sick of engaged couples taking pity on me..

142 replies

Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:21

Hi Sorry in advance about the rant.

But I have been with my partner now for 5 & half years. we have a daughter from a previous relationchip of mine but he has brought her up since she was 17 months shes now nearly 7. We also have another daughter together who is 4 in a couple of weeks. anyways I am feeling a bit miffed as he still hasnt popped the question, i have asked him but he says "no a woman shouldnt ask they should wait to the guy to ask" he knows i wanna get married & he says he does to but he still hasnt asked (which is getting to me he knows this.) My couson who has been with her partner 2 years (no kids together) is planning her wedding and tbh i feel like shes always rubbing it in my face shes getting married & im not. she is constantly going on to me about th wedding which is another 2 and a half years. i know it may come accross like im jelous (supose i am) but does she really have to talk about it to me constant knowing how i feel? also feel like she takes pity on me and its patronising aw thats a shame hes not asked yet ect Angry i also have friends who are newly engaged who come accross all patnising asking if im engaged and i say no havnt been asked.and they go awww Angry sorry about the rant just sick of people feeling sorry for me/being patronising and my couson faulting it in my face. I expect peopleto think im jelous and bitter?Sadjust had to vent sorry. x

OP posts:
charliesmommy · 16/01/2011 00:23

I think the anger should be directed at your partner, who is willing to have a child with you, but is effectively saying "I dont want to be tied down to you"...

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:26

Do you think he means that?
He said he does want to get married :s

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 16/01/2011 00:28

Can you not propose to him?

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:29

I have but he said no ive to wait for him to ask.

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 16/01/2011 00:31

Maybe your friends/family feel sorry for you because your partner is not treating you very well. He says he wants to get married but he won't ask you to marry him, and tells you off for asking him? What a total knob. I'm afraid he is dangling 'marriage' at you like a doggy treat: he's happy enough to accept your domestic servicing for the moment but he doesn't want an equal relationship with you, and he doesn't want to marry you because threatening not to is a good bargaining chip when he wants you to scurry around trying to please him.

BitOfFun · 16/01/2011 00:33

I'm glad you appeared, SGB. I wanted to say that, but knew you would do it better.

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:33

But he said he does want to :s

OP posts:
Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:34

what does sgb mean? lol

OP posts:
charliesmommy · 16/01/2011 00:34

Sorry Teeny, but yup, you need to think about if you are going to be happy never getting married to this bloke.

Some couples are BOTH happy with not being married, but when one partner wants to, and the other is reluctant, yet is happy to have a child with that person, then that would make me wonder why they are so reluctant to make a legal commitment to you.

If he hasnt asked now.. I very much doubt he is going to.

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:36

I know couples than have been together 10 years before getting engadged.

He didnt say he didnt want to

OP posts:
mamadiva · 16/01/2011 00:38

Can I ask how old you are?

My partner and I have been together for almost 10 years now and we have never contemplated getting engaged or something but when we spoke about it neither of us was really bothered about it. At the end of the day we know we are committed to each other and don't feel the the need to shell out for a piece of paper to proe it to other people!

We have a 4.5YO DS BTW.

BUT the main reason for both our thinking wa sthat yes we hae been together a long time but we are only 24/25YO so we hae plenty of time to change our minds. Could this be the case with your DP?

We are constantly being asked or hinted at about engagement and hae had a few Hmm looks and comments but as I say we know we are happy so what's the issue?

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:40

Im 24 he is 33

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 16/01/2011 00:41

Teenytiny: he says he wants to get married but he won't 'ask' you to marry him. And when you asked him he said you should 'wait for him to ask you'. That's him basically telling you that either he doesn't want to marry you or that he knows you want to get married so he has the perfect stick/carrot to control your behaviour with.

GreenEyesandHam · 16/01/2011 00:42

If you don't want people to go 'awwww', don't say 'no, he hasn't asked'

Just say 'no.'

Or even better, say 'What? To HIM???' then start howling hysterically, and slap your thighs in mirth.

Seriously, he might not have said he doesn't want to get married. But it sounds like he doesn't want to get married

WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 00:42

Tell him to piss off with his "Wait till I ask" Get some balls about you! He's got children with you and you want commitment!

It's not on for him to make up the rules and not let you know why he is reluctant.

Talk to him...he should give an explanation as to WHY he has not asked if it is "Up to the man"

Which is bollocks.

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:42

:-(

OP posts:
WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 00:44

Mamadiva..The fact that it's "Just a pieceof paper" isn't relevant here...the OP wants marrage.

I'm not bothered by marriage..but plenty are.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 00:45

Don't be sad! Is he good in other ways? Kind? Funny? Good company?

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:48

Just sad to hear that he dont really want me :-( how nieve i must be x

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 16/01/2011 00:51

Teenytiny: Some people don't want to marry or have issues with the whole institution of marriage. Decent people who feel like this will say to a partner who wants marriage that this is how they feel. He lives with you, you have DC together and he knows that you would like to be married to him. If he has neither agreed to set a date and get married nor given you a reasonable explanation for why he doesn't want to marry you, though he 'loves' you, lives with you and has children with you, then he's being a knob.

GreenEyesandHam · 16/01/2011 00:51

Doesn't mean he doesn't want you!

Doesn't mean that he would want to marry someone else.

He might just not believe in, or see the importance of marriage full stop.

You have to work out how important marriage is to you

WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 00:51

Teeny...don't take everything you hear on here right to heart...you want to get married right? So is your other half nice in other ways? Is it only this bothering you?

BitOfFun · 16/01/2011 00:54

You need to sit down with him and properly discuss this. I know it takes the romance out of it, but he needs to hear that his lack of action is making you feel shitty.

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:57

I have told him how i feel he just acts like hes giving me sympathy wtf?
he gives it all you know i want to marry you i just wanna be able to afford a nice ring Hmm

He is good in some ways but like any guy there is things he does that annoys me stupid things

OP posts:
charliesmommy · 16/01/2011 00:57

If a bloke of 33 isnt willing to make a proper commitment to the mother of his child, then I would really wonder why.

His answer of "wait till I ask" is the most telling bit....

That is the warning that he is evading it.. and why? why is it that he sees you as fine for bearing his child, and keeping his house clean for him, and he knows you would like to be married, but he wont ask?