Sick of engaged couples taking pity on me..

[Teenytiny]

Hi Sorry in advance about the rant.

But I have been with my partner now for 5 & half years. we have a daughter from a previous relationchip of mine but he has brought her up since she was 17 months shes now nearly 7. We also have another daughter together who is 4 in a couple of weeks. anyways I am feeling a bit miffed as he still hasnt popped the question, i have asked him but he says "no a woman shouldnt ask they should wait to the guy to ask" he knows i wanna get married & he says he does to but he still hasnt asked (which is getting to me he knows this.) My couson who has been with her partner 2 years (no kids together) is planning her wedding and tbh i feel like shes always rubbing it in my face shes getting married & im not. she is constantly going on to me about th wedding which is another 2 and a half years. i know it may come accross like im jelous (supose i am) but does she really have to talk about it to me constant knowing how i feel? also feel like she takes pity on me and its patronising aw thats a shame hes not asked yet ect i also have friends who are newly engaged who come accross all patnising asking if im engaged and i say no havnt been asked.and they go awww sorry about the rant just sick of people feeling sorry for me/being patronising and my couson faulting it in my face. I expect peopleto think im jelous and bitter?just had to vent sorry. x

Teeny - I think the reason that we've been banging on about death / wills etc is that lots of people say marriage is "just a piece of paper" however in areas of legality it is so much more than that, and reason enough to get married.

Its when the shit hits the fan - death / serious accident etc relationship breakdown that the difference between married and not really does count.

You may like to get your DP to read this

If he truly puts you and your DCs above all else, he will marry you for your protection even if its just a quick registry office (which is what I did as did not like all the historical patriarch marriage stuff(

I mentioned immaturity because you're taking pity on yourself because you're not engaged despite you living with this man, being together for ten years, him raising your DC1 as his own while also taking responsibility for his own biological child with you. You're 24, you don't have to get married just because your peers are, you don't have to resign yourself to a life with this man who seemingly won't propose to you after you've tried everything you can think of and him seeing this thread and you can't think about the inevitable future because you think it makes you out to be morbid and a golddigger. These, unfortunately, are facts of life and facts of adulthood.

Ok firstly theres nothing wrong with feeling rubbish becuase my partner has not proposed and it certainly does not mean im immature!
and i certainly dont want to get married just cos other people are that would be immature IF i wanted to do so for that reason which i dont. we have been together 5 years NOT 10.

It seems like posts like this is patronising (maybe you dont mean to be)

But i do thank people for suggesting the will but there was no need to make me out to be immature and all the other things. you can say something without being patronising and offensive. but thanks for the will suggestion!

I wouldnt just wanna marry for "the security" but for the reason i love him and wanna be his wife or do peoplenot marry for that reason anymore?

It does come across like you just want to be a Mrs because your partner has described his interest in marriage but then has fobbed you off with every excuse he can manage for not proposing to you despite you having two children and being together a decade. Instead of respecting this and realising he has made a huge commitment to you, you spout off how you you don't want to be classed as single forever and how you may as well give up hope. You've tried talking to him, saying you don't want an expensive ring and a big do but you're still not getting anywhere but when harsh truths come through that he might think you're not good enough to marry etc you claim victim.

YANBU to be annoyed that your engaged friends pity you nor are you BU to be jealous of them but YABU to pity yourself because you're not married like somehow it would better your life and you could be a Mrs and therefore like your peers and YABU for condemning everyone here for expressing their opinions, nasty or not, when they're fully entitled to.

You'll get honest yet slightly more sugar coated responses on other forums and we can be a lovely yet honest bunch. If you can't deal with anonymous honesty, some sarcastic comments and some nastiness from time to time, you should leave.

I think Netmums is open

I admit, my last post was a bit off the mark. I blame the medication.

The fact still remains that you've been together for five years and this man isn't any further into proposing to you. What if he never does? Would you leave because marriage is more important than a good relationship or stay and be happy with your lot?

Nobody is saying you shouldn't have the right to be upset about not marrying the one you love but five years is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. He could still propose. The big issue is that you both need to want to get married and be in that stage of your lives and while you are, he doesn't seem to be.

You may not be immature. It's anonymous here, I don't know you personally but if you re-read your replies you do come across as chucking your toys out of your pram a little, even if that wasn't your original intention.

Teenytiny, it's great that you love your DP very much and want to be married to him. Maybe you should sit down with him and discuss what he thinks about marriage, as it doesn't seem like he's made his views on the subject very clear? Love that you've proposed to him, very cool. Shame he thinks it's the man's job to do so but at least he knows where you stand.

Sorry that you feel people in RL are being insensitive over the fact that you aren't married to him. It's probably because they know you would like to be married to your DP that they're talking to you about it, and I bet they don't pity you at all - after all, you've been in a happy relationship with him for five years now, and have two DC together (ok, one isn't biological but he is her dad). That's the really important thing.

FWIW, I was with my now DH for nearly 10 years before he finally proposed, I think it just takes some men a little bit longer to get there.

Thanks for posting everyone (even though some were pretty harshly worded) I suppose its my own fault for not listening to people saying dont go on mumsnet they are very judgemental, harsh and make people feel like crap.

But thanks for posting anyways and thanks for the advice about the will.

Well you've just joined the ranks because that is definitely one of the harshest posts on the thread.

Im just saying thats what i was told about the forum!

Teeny, I had this problem with my DP too after being with him for 10 YEARS so I feel ya....

However, after lurking here for a while, I finally posted the issue here on AIBU..and who ever said it earlier is right, I got advice, support, and, dare I say, a kick in the bum to gt me talking to my DP about the issue.

Your being bitchy when there is no need to be. You asked advice..what were you genuinely expecting people to say?

What an ungrateful child you sound like.

For one thing, if you don't want strong, intelligent advice then don't post a question on AIBU.

For another, lashing out just won't make people warm to you. I was pretty darn nice to you, and the very next post was one by you being really rude.

In short, I'm off. Hope you get everything sorted.

Can i just say some people have children together and never get married, some get engaged, have children but dont get married. Some get married but never have children.

My friend was with her partner 10 years, had 2 children with him and he said he would NEVER get engaged, as she had children with him, ,what more did she want. They get married in 30 weeks. (i see her countdown on FB weekly)

Just be patient, you cant make someone marry you if they dont want to commit yet. Getting married is a big thing to some people, its not like just going into a relationship and leaving if it doesnt work out, you have to sort out finances, divorce, child care, custody etc etc.

Just wait.

Shes flounced......hopefully with some of the good advice ringing in her ears!

Actually teeny, i came on MN when i read a story in the Daily Mail baout it and thought it would be a good forum to speak to people and get advice and generally have a good laugh as some poeple on here are very funny and are accurate with advice. Dont listen to what others have said, if you go thorugh life with your eyes shut listening to everyone elses opinions then you wont get very far.

MN is actually the best forum i have been on (apart from the one i am a mod on )

MN is brilliant. Yes, you get a kick up the arse from time to time, especially on such an opinionated forum such as AIBU but usually it's warranted from the information given in the OP. You just have to check Classics for some of the hilarious gems on here (by gems I am referring to threads, replies and people) and when you need a kick up the bum and constructive, objective advice from opinionated people, many of whom have a lot of experience on the issue at hand, you get it.

It's unfortunate that your first post was this thread in this forum and that you came across the way you did but we shan't hold a grudge. If you're so worried, namechange and start again on another of MN's forums.

It's a scary old place at first but it feels like home after a while, OP.

Definitely not for the sane/faint hearted