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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of engaged couples taking pity on me..

142 replies

Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 00:21

Hi Sorry in advance about the rant.

But I have been with my partner now for 5 & half years. we have a daughter from a previous relationchip of mine but he has brought her up since she was 17 months shes now nearly 7. We also have another daughter together who is 4 in a couple of weeks. anyways I am feeling a bit miffed as he still hasnt popped the question, i have asked him but he says "no a woman shouldnt ask they should wait to the guy to ask" he knows i wanna get married & he says he does to but he still hasnt asked (which is getting to me he knows this.) My couson who has been with her partner 2 years (no kids together) is planning her wedding and tbh i feel like shes always rubbing it in my face shes getting married & im not. she is constantly going on to me about th wedding which is another 2 and a half years. i know it may come accross like im jelous (supose i am) but does she really have to talk about it to me constant knowing how i feel? also feel like she takes pity on me and its patronising aw thats a shame hes not asked yet ect Angry i also have friends who are newly engaged who come accross all patnising asking if im engaged and i say no havnt been asked.and they go awww Angry sorry about the rant just sick of people feeling sorry for me/being patronising and my couson faulting it in my face. I expect peopleto think im jelous and bitter?Sadjust had to vent sorry. x

OP posts:
Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 01:01

he says cos he wants to be able to afford a nice ring duno

OP posts:
Tryharder · 16/01/2011 01:05

I think some posters are overreacting a bit. You haven't told us about the actual state of your relationship. Are you happy, do you argue etc etc.

But it sounds from your post that you only want to get married because your friends and family are getting married (or at least, that is how you are coming across). Do you tell your DP about how so-and-so is getting married and therefore you want to get married? If so, I can understand why he's dragging his feet a bit as presumably he wants to get married in his own time not because your cousin or whoever is getting married and you are feeling like a wallflower.

Relax. You are very young and there is plenty of time.

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 01:09

No i dont want to just get married because other people are doing it i want to do it cos i love him and wanna marry him!

OP posts:
awubble · 16/01/2011 01:11

I'd say stop worring about the whole marriage thing. He's committed enough to bring up a kid that's not his, the whole relationship you have sounds quite good really. If marriage was consigned to the history books and no-one did it anymore would you be happy ?

I guess what im asking is if your only peeved because others are doing it and so you want to or if you really believe in the whole of marriage. I suggest it's the former otherwise you would be in a different situation altogether.

Stop worrying, lose these preconditioned expectations of life and enjoy what you have.

ilovesooty · 16/01/2011 01:12

"No i dont want to just get married because other people are doing it"

Then why are you so bothered by other people getting married? You also make a point of saying that another couple have been together for less time than you.

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 01:13

Well as far as we are concerned DD1 is his.
and i dont wanna just do it cos other people are. I would like to get married not be his gf forever

OP posts:
WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 01:13

Tell him you want a ring you've seen in Argos...pick one out...point to it and say "Thats the only ring I would ever want...and look it's only a tenner!"

Then start throwing hints that you EXPECT a proposal on your Birthay/valentines day

Put the pressure on...I practically made heavily encouraged my fella to propose to me.

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 01:14

Because it what i want it bothers me cos i want to get married and its not happening.

OP posts:
WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 01:15

Remove his excuses when they arise...

ilovesooty · 16/01/2011 01:15

Do you want him to marry you knowing you've nagged him into it?

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 01:15

Well i have told him that he dont have to spend a fortune on a ring but he said i dont wanna buy you a cheap one.

He says he would never propose on valentines day/bday/xmas anything like that cos id only be expecting it

OP posts:
WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 01:16

I expect flaming for admitting that I made my other half propose..but I did and I am NOT ashamed. Grin He loves the bones of me but is very lazy and would have pootled on forever.

StuffingGoldBrass · 16/01/2011 01:16

I'm struggling to think of a worse answer to a proposal of marriage thant 'Wait till I ask you.' That's him saying that he's in charge of your relationship, basically, and putting you in a weak, passive position - you've told him what you want and he's pretty much said that he might oblige you if you're a good little girl.

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 01:16

Hes not the type of guy that does something cos someone else wants it/nags.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/01/2011 01:17

"Then start throwing hints that you EXPECT a proposal on your Birthay/valentines day"

I know someone who proposed to his wife on Valentine's Day. Stupid sod set himself up for a lifetime of failure in the romance department: the only way was down from then on.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 01:17

What is wrong with expecting it? Nothing. Tellhim...yes..I AM execting it...just like you expect me to wait till you are "ready".

Tell him...but I want this ring...its my fave have ever seen.

ilovesooty · 16/01/2011 01:19

"Hes not the type of guy that does something cos someone else wants it/nags."

In that case there doesn't seem to be much point in asking him.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 01:19

The valentines suggestion does not have to be adhered to...but it's just a date.

A friend of mine told her DH he had to propose on Halloween...and he did.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 01:20

What sooty says.

Either nag/tell him or leav it andput up with it.

Really...this is a case of you deciding to allow him to be the boss of EVERYTHING forever...or making a stand now.

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 01:20

Maybe i should just give up hope

OP posts:
WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 01:21

He won't ask if he thinks he can get away with not bothering...

WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 01:22

Up to you teeny....but if it means so much to you then it is just awful of him not to do it.

Original poster
Teenytiny · 16/01/2011 01:24

oh well im not gona force him to do something if he dont want to (even though he says he does) sending me too many confusing signals.
he says nice things to me acts all in love with me i just dont know whats going on in his head.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/01/2011 01:24

As I see it Teenytiny he knows what you think about it now. Perhaps he genuinely does want to be the one to make the proposal. If he doesn't perhaps you need to decide whether you want to preserve the relationship in its current form.

BitOfFun · 16/01/2011 01:27

Just tell him that you are disappointed he hasn't asked yet, and hope he will do it soon, or you be reconsidering what your level of commitment actually is.