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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to a child free wedding.

333 replies

sea74 · 14/01/2011 13:46

I have been invited to a wedding, but children are not welcome.
Now, isnt a wedding the start of a family? Aren't they telling me "come to celebrate our special day but we dont give a t*ss about your family"?....because that is the message i am getting.
If you dont have money, do not invite all these people. But if you are inviting us, you should invite the whole family....

Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Eglu · 14/01/2011 13:48

YABU. Every couple can choose what they want for their own wedding. Whilst I agree children at weddings are lovely, it is their choice. If you don't like it don't go.

Weta · 14/01/2011 13:48

It's up to them who they invite, up to you whether you want to go or not on their terms. I do think it's a shame not to have any kids at a wedding (and exceptions should definitely be made for babies and children too young to be left) but you can't expect people to fork out what it costs to invite everybody's kids.

rubyslippers · 14/01/2011 13:48

So don't go

We were invited to a wedding last year with no kids

Maybe they can't afford it/don't want kids etc

I think it is a bit of leap to say they don't give a toss about your family

bubbleOseven · 14/01/2011 13:49

YABU it's their choice.

Just arange childcare.

MoonGirl1981 · 14/01/2011 13:50

It's their wedding and it's up to them.

I'd personally be a tad put out if I was told not to bring my child but wouldn't hold it against them.

Weddings aren't always the start of a family, and some people just don't like children.

Maybe they have dear dear friends whose children are a hoard of screaming terrors and they think their wedding will be ruined.

PatriciaHolm · 14/01/2011 13:50

Oh dear.

[sits down, makes cuppa, waits....]

(FWIW, I think it's a great idea ;-))

bibbitybobbityhat · 14/01/2011 13:50

Surely not again ???

daisyj · 14/01/2011 13:51

Agreed, YABVU. Maybe they want to celebrate with their friends, but can't afford to invite the children. Maybe they are not keen on children. What's the law that says getting married means you are starting a family (i.e. one with children)? If you can't/don't want to go without your DCs then don't.

Gah! That's a huge pet hate of mine, people dictating how other people's weddings should be. And why should they 'give a toss' about your family anyway? I don't love all my friends' children (some are lovely, some are not) and I don't expect them all to love mine.

giveitago · 14/01/2011 13:51

YABU -I was invited to one last year - a dear friend and I was so chuffed for her but it was child free and along way away so we coudn't go. It was child free due to costs (in her 40's all friends have kids which would double the cost of a reception). I coudln't go as it was so far away and no childcare and she understood my reasons just as I understood hers.

thighsmadeofcheddar · 14/01/2011 13:52

Just don't go. Simple.
Send nice RSVP and say sorry.

giveitago · 14/01/2011 13:52

a long and not 'along' and all other typos and lack of grammar. I'm in a huge rush today.

TrillianAstra · 14/01/2011 13:53

YABU

Maybe they want to celebrate with their friends, and can invite more friends if they do not invite children. Because let's face it, your adults friends are your friends, they are not your children's friends.

Maybe someone (and that someone could be you) has very badly behaved children, or is too inconsiderate to take a screaming baby out of a church, so they think it is best to invite no children at all.

Or maybe they hate you, and they know that you are apparently inseparable from your children and this is a good way to not acitively snub you but to make sure that you don't actually come.

BlueFergie · 14/01/2011 13:54

Oh god not this again. Some people do take this very personally, but not me. I have two childrem who I adore but in the main I am not that fond of other people's children. Before I had kids I was even worse. I am sure there are loads of peolpe like me. Why should they hve to invite a lot of kids they barely know to their weddings? Even if my kids are invited I try to not take them. Much more relaxing day alround.
If you can't bear to be apart from your kids don't go to the wedding, there is no reason why they should compromise on the wedding they want to accommadate your family.
So IMO YABU.

Eglu · 14/01/2011 13:54

giveitago - you express perfectly why people choose to have chold free weddings. THey can't afford everyone. And nice that you were an understanding guest.

Chil1234 · 14/01/2011 13:55

YABU... It's really expensive to host a wedding these days and the organisers often have to limit numbers. If you're one of a large family, deciding who to leave out is incredibly sensitive. If they didn't invite you at all, I think you'd be more hurt.

TurkeyBurgerThing · 14/01/2011 13:55

I much prefer child free weddings. I only take mine if people really insist as I really enjoy child free time with DH.

YABU because it's as simple as their wedding their choice.

OTheHugeManatee · 14/01/2011 13:55

YABU. They're friends with you, and aren't under any obligation to like your children. Really. And aren't you making a bit of an assumption that marriage is necessarily the start of a family?

Personally I am planning a child-friendly wedding, but that is my choice. It's VVVU to think you have a right to decide how someone else arranges their big day.

Original poster
sea74 · 14/01/2011 13:55

THe bride is a primary school teacher.
If she is not keen on children, i hope she will not be the teacher of any of our kids!

OP posts:
JamInMyWellies · 14/01/2011 13:57

YABU I totally understand why they wouldnt want children. I love it when my friends say no children. I have taken my DC to a couple of weddings and they were at my own wedding and its just bloody hard work. Trying to keep them quiet and happy at the appropriate times is a struggle. Then you cant enjoy yourself as you are running round after them all the time.

I would much rather they spent the day with their grandparents or a sitter and had fun and that way I and my DH can go to the wedding and have fun too.

Annabel7 · 14/01/2011 13:58

We had a no kids wedding. We couldn't afford to invite everybody's kids and it was quite an adult, late afternoon ceremony and evening affair. That's what we wanted and most of our friends said they really enjoyed a night away on their own. I suggest you don't go if you're not happy to go sans kids. It's their day, not yours...

Rasputia · 14/01/2011 13:58

I think YABU as it's all to do with costs.

I also had same situation as giveitago, my friend who lives away got married but only invited me and DH. I had no-one to do childcare for me so had to decline. She wasn't so understanding & after that she didn't speak to me again and avoided my phone calls.

sarahmade · 14/01/2011 13:59

When we got married we didn't invite children, although we would have liked to have been able to. Space in the venue was limited. We invited about 70 people in total and had we invited their children too there would have been 23 of them all under 5. It was absolutely not that we didn't give a toss but there just wasn't space and we already couldn't invite people we wanted to. Would have made exceptions for very young babies and people who absolutely couldn't find childcare.

Everyone understood (to my face).

Mssoul · 14/01/2011 14:00

Fence sitting here. I love big family do's and I love no-kids weddings too!

I don't want to have one of my own though much to my dp's consternation Grin

lol at the bride is a primary teacher Grin

BlueFergie · 14/01/2011 14:00

Even more reason to not want kids at her wedding if she is surronded by them all week as part of her work. And what about her husband to be? Maybe he doesn't like kids does he not get a say?

thumbdabwitch · 14/01/2011 14:01

YABU. It is their wedding it is their choice. A wedding is not for the whole bleedin' world, it is for the two people getting married and inviting people they would like to be there to witness it.
If they can't afford or don't want the disruption of children, that is down to them.

If you don't want to go, decline the invitation.

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