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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to a child free wedding.

333 replies

sea74 · 14/01/2011 13:46

I have been invited to a wedding, but children are not welcome.
Now, isnt a wedding the start of a family? Aren't they telling me "come to celebrate our special day but we dont give a t*ss about your family"?....because that is the message i am getting.
If you dont have money, do not invite all these people. But if you are inviting us, you should invite the whole family....

Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
thumbdabwitch · 14/01/2011 14:45

Op - what is your meaning of "family" then? You seem to be suggesting that you come as a single unit and cannot be divided for anything - is that the case? And that whoever knows you should invite this single unit to everything or invite none of you, is that the case?

Because it isn't my idea of family and I don't believe yours is more "correct" than mine.

Original poster
sea74 · 14/01/2011 14:46

For the ones that say that weddings are not the start of the family....so what are they?? Just a big piss-up? Maybe for you, not for others.

OP posts:
DublinMammy · 14/01/2011 14:47

By the way, NarkyPuffin - ha ha ha ha!!

StuartDTB · 14/01/2011 14:47

Their day and their say. You should go and support them and make a day of it, when you can let your hair down. As it's been said wedding are expensive and if we had invited everyone we wanted to (including children) we wouldn't have been able to afford it. If this is reallt bothering you then perhaps your going for the wrong reasons.

swanandduck · 14/01/2011 14:47

Am i the only one left in uk that really cares about the meaning of "family"?

What a ridiculous statement. Why does caring about the meaning of 'family' mean you have to invite someone's entire clan to every event?

You sound like you're just looking for reasons to insist your children be invited. NEWSFLASH: The wedding is about the couple getting married not about your desire to cart your family around behind you at all and every occasion.

tabulahrasa · 14/01/2011 14:48

I don't take my children to weddings even if they are invited, if it's someone close to them or a relative then fair enough they should be part of it

but if it's a friend that they've met a handful of times because I usually see them without the kids, I'm leaving them with a babysitter, I can't for the life of me imagine that my friends actually want their wedding full of my kids moaning (cos they always do about something) getting bored, eating all their buffet and then getting tired and whingey

plus if I don't have them with me I can drink Grin

Serendippy · 14/01/2011 14:49

Maybe for you, not for others

Listen to your own logic, not everybody has the same expectations or inflated sense of importance ideas about marriage, children and family.

TrillianAstra · 14/01/2011 14:50

I feel sorry for your children. If you isiste that they come to every social occassion that you are invited to, will they ever be allowed to do anything without you?

TrillianAstra · 14/01/2011 14:50

*insist

Original poster
sea74 · 14/01/2011 14:51

Serendippy ... seiously, what are u talking about? Are u married? if so, why did u get married. Think about it and then come back.
Leaving with my parents?? ahaha
We are talking about children.

OP posts:
wukter · 14/01/2011 14:51

Oh don't be silly Sea. Else you'll find you'll not have many friends left to send you invitations.

SerendipitousHarlot · 14/01/2011 14:51

What I don't really understand is why you would want to take your children to every social event. Don't you crave a child free day/night out OP?

AlexaMulberry · 14/01/2011 14:52

YABU

It's their wedding, if you don't like it then don't go.

Simples.

thumbdabwitch · 14/01/2011 14:53

careful ignoring of my question there - what IS your definition of "the meaning of family" then, OP?

Original poster
sea74 · 14/01/2011 14:54

TrillianAstra ... i dont want to carry my children where i go (that are 3 and 1 year old, by the way). I want to have the freedom to choose or let them at home with the au-pair.
But i am just talking about the wedding. It's not a funeral. Ok not to bring kids to funeral. But at a wedding, for god's sake....

OP posts:
headfairy · 14/01/2011 14:54

narky that's pretty much my recollection of weddings as a child. I went to my cousins wedding in Argentina a couple of years ago and that's also pretty much what happened with the children then (not sure about the getting tipsy bit), they played, danced, had fun and then all crashed out on sofas etc.

xstitch · 14/01/2011 14:54

So anyone who didn't have children at their wedding don't care about family, that's rubbish and offensive.

When I married we only invited aunts and uncles rather than cousins, their children and grandchildren. If we had we would have had 79 people from my now XH's side. We could only afford to have 80 people there. So I was being inconsiderate in wanting only me there from my side and wanting no friends there at all?

SerendipitousHarlot · 14/01/2011 14:55

You're missing the point. It's NOT ABOUT YOU OR YOUR CHILDREN.

It's their day - they can choose to celebrate it how they choose - go without the dc, or don't go.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/01/2011 14:56

I agree about the child-free weddings. It really can't be much fun for anybody - children included - they have to keep quiet and can't run about and conversation is very stilted when they're demanding and talking constantly about nothing.

Parents always think that other people are interested in their children; mostly this is a complete fallacy, they aren't.

If you feel so strongly about it, don't go to the wedding, you'll only sulk and spoil the day.

mayorquimby · 14/01/2011 14:57

"I want to have the freedom to choose or let them at home with the au-pair."

by denying others that same freedom.

Serendippy · 14/01/2011 14:58

You are your parents' child. Children never stop being your children. How long are you going to force encourage them to come to every event with you as a protest against people who don't value family? Til they are 16? 18? Do you expect to be invited to every social event that your teenage children attend?

I am married and do have a DC but my wedding was not about my yet-to-appear DC, it was about celebrating my marriage with as many of my friends and family as possible.

Sometimes my DH and I even go out seperately. We must secretly hate each other and clearly don't care about family at all.

wukter · 14/01/2011 15:00

It's not about you. Or your children, your deep deep care for your family, and indeed UK families in general, or your own personal ideas about the meaning and nature of celebration.

If you can't cope with being a mere well wisher on the most important day of SOMEONE ELSE'S life, you'd be best off at home.

LimburgseVlaai · 14/01/2011 15:00

"Now, isnt a wedding the start of a family?"

Erm, no, a wedding is the start of a marriage. Many people who get married don't go on to have children - either because they don't want to or because they can't.

headfairy · 14/01/2011 15:02

Serendipity, I think it really only applies to young children who would need some kind of childcare arrangement. Unless of course you are friends with your friends grown up children too (as we are in some cases. We have some close family friends whose children are now our friends too)

On an aside, it's not just the Latin folk that do this, I've been to a Nigerian friend's weddng and she had invited 300 people, they ended up with over 500 as it's Nigerian custom to bring your entire family, if you invite one person, you invite the lot. It was a bonkers wedding, but immense fun. Not in the slightest inhibited by the presence of loads of children (and grannies, and aunties and cousins and next door neighbours..... etc etc etc)

WestYorkshirePudding · 14/01/2011 15:02

I can never understand why people are so bothered that their kids aren't invited Confused Aren't you pleased to have a day / night away from your kids? Weddings without kids are great! Nobody you have to look after and nobody stopping you staying til the bitter end :)