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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to a child free wedding.

333 replies

sea74 · 14/01/2011 13:46

I have been invited to a wedding, but children are not welcome.
Now, isnt a wedding the start of a family? Aren't they telling me "come to celebrate our special day but we dont give a t*ss about your family"?....because that is the message i am getting.
If you dont have money, do not invite all these people. But if you are inviting us, you should invite the whole family....

Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
AngelicaDemonica · 18/01/2011 08:00

YABU. As posters above have already said- their wedding, their choice.

And weddings are about the start of a new life together, not about family.

If you're really that against it don't go.

MaybeTomorrow · 18/01/2011 08:01

YABU

We didn't have children at our wedding either. The room only held 70 (and that's all we could afford) and during the planning, inviting some people's children meant that we wouldn't be able to have some close friends, so we agreed not to have children OUTSIDE of the two bridesmaids and two pageboys that we had (who were DNieces and DNephews anyway).

Because we chose our guests carefully, all totally understood the situation and all actually quite enjoyed a day where they could relax, knowing that they had made adequate childcare plans. We had said though that anyone who wanted their children to come to the evening do (which was a buffet), that they would be more than welcome. And they virtually ALL took up that offer and it was lovely to have them all there.

Food etc is so costly these days that you have to make sacrifices. If you don't want to leave your children, then politely decline the invite.

I also attended a wedding last year (first and only DC was 14 months old) where they requested no children. Even though I am attached by the hip to my baby (normally) at weekends, I complete totally understood (but then I guess I would...) why they had made this request and arranged with my SIL to have DD for the day. She had a great time!

Mrswhiskerson · 18/01/2011 08:11

I had loads of children at my wedding and the littlefeckers angels ran around all bloody day getting under feet diving into people with plates of hot food and generally causing mayhem ,I would have loved a child free wedding but as they all came from my husbands side he would not hear of it for a second. I may get flames for this but if people controlled their children better and did not let them run riot at peoples special events then people might be more sympathetic and I invite them. Fwiw I certainly don think it's because they don't give a toss it's because they want the biggest day of their lives to go perfectly and you can't blame them for that ,plus it gives parents a chance to relax and have a drink .

Smileypeeple · 18/01/2011 09:08

I was invited to a wedding recently where not only my children were not invited but my DH wasn't either Grin.

It was an old school friend who wanted th old friends there but had barely met our spouses and was struggling with numbers so asked if we minded.

My Dh was terribly relieved he did nt have to spend a day making small talk while I reminisced, so I happily went with another friend minus her Dh.

Ooooh the AIBU thread I could have got out of that if we'd decided to be awfully insulted.

hypoxia · 14/09/2012 21:41

We've been invited to a child free wedding, I can't go because my baby is breastfed. They may as well have invited just my husband.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/09/2012 21:44

can I be the first to say ZOMBIE!!

Hypoxia, if you want to complain about your wedding invite, start another thread. There are always people willing to discuss the pros and cons of child free weddings! Smile

pigletmania · 14/09/2012 21:45

YANBU but it's their wedding so up to them who they invite

Catsdontcare · 14/09/2012 21:47

OLD THREAD ALERT

hypoxia · 14/09/2012 21:48

Not complaining, I'm happy not have an excuse not to go. Does anyone actually enjoy weddings?

Noqontrol · 14/09/2012 21:49

YABU, as its their wedding their choice. One of dh's relatives is getting married soon and she told us no children are invited. As its a whole weekend thing I told her dh would have to come on his own, as we have noone to take the kids for that length of time. She was very sniffy about it, but it goes both ways. Anyway she decided that the kids could come after all. Again her choice!

Noqontrol · 14/09/2012 21:50

Oh yes, didn't notice that. ZOMBIE thread.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/09/2012 21:54

I frigging love weddings, but ask it on a new thread!

A1980 · 15/09/2012 09:46

I went to a christening last month. the behaviour of the children during the church service and the reception afterwards made me decide that if I get married I will not invite children.
A younger one screamed and cried and his parents didn't have the decency to take him out. the older ones who should have known better talked all the way though it and their parents did nothing to stop them. telling them to shut up constantly Would've been disruptive too. the poor vicar had ro bellow to be heard above them all.

I totally understand couples who don't want that disruption from other peoples children. it's their day they can do what they like.

Teamumizumi · 15/09/2012 10:08

My cousin is having a child-free wedding next week which means that DH is staying at home babysitting and I am travelling to London and back (from Yorkshire) in one day on my own.

Unless they're immediate family or bridesmaids/page boys, children at weddings ruin the whole thing. And who was it that said weddings are for families anyway? I'm sure that this a made up thing for people with lots of children who just want to drag them along. Weddings are for the bride and groom and how they choose to celebrate it or who they invite is up to them.

The only other time when I will be taking my DS to a wedding is when I am Mother of the Groom.

Just saying.

MyLastDuchess · 15/09/2012 10:39

Why do people decide to resurrect these ancient threads???

newmummytobe79 · 15/09/2012 12:33

We've haven't been to a wedding for ages and I really miss them.

I LOVE childfree weddings as it means we get a day off to let our hair down.

I wouldn't take DC even if they were invited! Grin

  1. Kids DO play up when they are tired (even the best behaved kids shock horror!)
  1. It's a day for me and DH to spend together, with our other couple friends and not feel the pressure of feeds/naps/bum changing/toy playing/picking up dummy/wearing a baby sick coloured outfit/heated debates over who can drink etc ... shall I go on? Wink
FriedEggsAndHam · 15/09/2012 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuntCadger · 15/09/2012 12:38

Yanbu.

I hate all this fucking precious toss about adults only, expensive load of tosh.

Our wedding wasn't about us being pretentious twats but about us actually getting married (we did. Very small civil with parents and a sibling and our dc), small family meal after and huge hog roast BBQ party at country park following day. Informal and lots of fun and no sodding wedding list etc as just people coming was all we wanted. Bloody good day and all welcome

FriedEggsAndHam · 15/09/2012 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuntCadger · 15/09/2012 12:40

Oops just saw over a year old Grin

RosemaryHoyt · 15/09/2012 12:41

Fgs, the answer is YABU.

A) I love a child free wedding. Can have a proper party whilst not keeping my eye out for the DC smashing up stuff/other toddlers.

B) children at weddings, particularly younger ones, need facilities and entertainment.

C) they always without fail cry during vows/speeches

D) it's up to those puuting wedding on

E) don't like, don't go. Obv.

MadameCupcake · 15/09/2012 12:45

YABu, its their choice, it may not be because she doesn't like children (I doubt that as she is a primary teacher) but maybe they want to invite a lot of people and don't want lots of children their running around on their special day.

I think it is quite selfish that people who are invited to a wedding actually think they have a right to complain about the couples choices.

MadameCupcake · 15/09/2012 12:45

Also - its lovely to have a day/night out without the children so you can have a few drinks, enjoy a meal in peace etc etc.

MadameCupcake · 15/09/2012 12:47

Usually babies don't count in these situations, if they are 'babes in arms' then I would be surprised if many couples would object if the venue allows it.

MrsRhettButler · 15/09/2012 13:00

This is a windup right? Grin