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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to a child free wedding.

333 replies

sea74 · 14/01/2011 13:46

I have been invited to a wedding, but children are not welcome.
Now, isnt a wedding the start of a family? Aren't they telling me "come to celebrate our special day but we dont give a t*ss about your family"?....because that is the message i am getting.
If you dont have money, do not invite all these people. But if you are inviting us, you should invite the whole family....

Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Indith · 14/01/2011 14:01

Completely upto them, unless they are getting arsey over you wanting to come with a tiny bf newborn or somethng then YABU.

We are going to a wedding in July, children are most welcome but I've already booked mine it at my mum's because I want to have fun!

wukter · 14/01/2011 14:03

YABU.
It's their wedding. I didn't have kids at mine, it was a great day. But then no one I know is precious enough to think that their kids are the centre of my world.

Likewise, I was happy to invite people but didn't do any foot stamping if they couldn't come for whatever reason.

So, go. Or don't. That's as far as YOUR call goes.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 14/01/2011 14:03

YABU, it's their day, and they can choose to spend it without worrying about screaming kids. It's not necessarily the "start of a family" as you put it. Ever cross your mind that some people might not choose to have children? It is an adult occasion.

Hammy02 · 14/01/2011 14:04

Personally, due to a low budget, I would rather not invite children than not invite good friends. Imagine their budget is for 20 people and this is the choice they face?

Hammy02 · 14/01/2011 14:04

Personally, due to a low budget, I would rather not invite children than not invite good friends. Imagine their budget is for 20 people and this is the choice they face?

FakePlasticTrees · 14/01/2011 14:05

TBH - I'd rather go to a childfree one. I've got a wedding to go to in April from DH's family, and we apparently must take DS. I've got to try to keep him quiet through the wedding ceremony, the meal and speeches. It doesn't look like a particularly family friendly venue, so he's going to be trouble/bored and then I'll either have to leave the evening reception by 7, (DH is in the wedding party so we can't take it in turns) or pay for a babysitter at the hotel room - which isn't going to be cheap.

I'd be a lot easier to leave DS on the morning of the wedding with my parents and then go pick him up the following morning. He'd have more fun, and so would we.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/01/2011 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sarsaparilllla · 14/01/2011 14:05

I'd much rather not have kids at a wedding, I'd do the same

jojosmaman · 14/01/2011 14:06

YABU.

I love being invited to child free weddings, a great excuse for a drunken night away. You also get to sit and eat a meal in peace and act like a civilised adult for the day. What's there not to like?!

I only had 7 little ones at my wedding (immediate family and my own son) and hired a babysitter for straight after the ceremony to look after them for the rest of the day (toilet runs, games, sit at their table etc). Worked brilliantly. And for everyone else it was no kids and out of 200 invited for the evening I only had one cousin who declined as she couldnt let anyone other than her MIL (who was coming to the wedding)look after her 7 year old son...

I also gave everyone 8 months notice of the no kids thing rather than wait until sending out the invites 6 weeks before with it on to give time to sort out childcare.

BuzzLightBeer · 14/01/2011 14:07

Oh god how precious! "my children must go everywhere with me, how dare you leave them out, surely you realise they are the centre of the known universe?"

Thats a YABU in case I wasn't clear.

PaisleyLeaf · 14/01/2011 14:07

"THe bride is a primary school teacher."

All the more understandable then perhaps.

KERALA1 · 14/01/2011 14:08

YABU. I find your attitude extraordinary. My sister is having a child free wedding and she loves and is great with kids, also a teacher. She is getting married a couple of years after most of her friends and family and it is no exaggeration to say that almost all of our generation have a couple of toddlers apiece. Inviting children would have been mayhem and used up most of their guest spaces as they have alot of friends. It was a no brainer really. Cant you find anyone to have your children and then enjoy a child free day/weekend catching up with people? Amongest most parents I know weddings are the first time they are prompted to leave the baby/children and most go off and have a fab time.

Asteria · 14/01/2011 14:09

YABU it is their wedding - and marriage is not necessarily the start of a family. You are digging deep there for reasons why it's not on! Either suck it up and go (perhaps enjoying some well earned time off in the company of friends) or send your apologies and await the Facebook barage of photos of people having fun at their wedding...

I love my DS dearly and really enjoy spending time with him, but really cannot get my head around people who insist on dragging their offspring to every event possible.

I suspect that as the bride is a primary school teacher (notorious child haters!) she felt that her wedding day was a time for her - and other parents - to switch of totally from children and have a really lovely grown up time.

Loosingmymind · 14/01/2011 14:09

I agree it is up to them but I am in a similar situation. Have been invited to my cousins wedding but the DC are not, even though her DS is taking 2 friends to it. Now that got me a bit peeved tbh.

Pixieonthemoor · 14/01/2011 14:10

I think YABVU. It is their wedding and it is up to them how to celebrate it. I had a child free wedding because I wanted everyone to stay late, dance the night away and generally let their hair down. Also, I didnt want the most important vows that I was ever going to take in my life drowned out by infant wailing and "mummy I need a pee!". If you dont like it, dont go.

thumbdabwitch · 14/01/2011 14:11

Fakeplastictrees - I'd be inclined to wait until a couple of days before the wedding and tell them that DS isn't that well, so he's staying behind. What a PITA to insist that he comes! if you have the choice of bring him or don't, then surely it's your choice if you'd rather not?!

Badgerwife · 14/01/2011 14:12

YABU

Like sarahmade when we got married we had to limit the number of people because of the space in the venue. We were fine with kids at the wedding ceremony but the location for the evening do was jsut too small. Most people were glad to get a nice evening without children, and we also made an exception for people with nursing age babies.

thisisyesterday · 14/01/2011 14:13

yes YABU, and I would suggest that if that is your attitude then perhaps they'd rather not have you there

cos it turns out that actually it's up to THEM how they have their wedding.

swanandduck · 14/01/2011 14:13

Yaaaaawn!

How many times have we had this discussion??

YABVVVVVU. Why should your children be entitled to an invite?

walesblackbird · 14/01/2011 14:13

We're being invited to a wedding later this year. Don't yet know whether our three children are invited but, frankly, as much as I love my kids I would adore having a child free day when I could just relax and be ME, and not mummy!

Sadly though childcare is a problem and I know that if my children aren't invited then we can't go.

It's their wedding, it's up to them who they want there! I didn't want children at my first wedding but felt differently when I married for the 2nd time.

KERALA1 · 14/01/2011 14:13

Pixie I agree as someone whose vows were drowned out by a 3 year old running a train up and down a pew Hmm.

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon · 14/01/2011 14:15

I went to two weddings in the space of three weeks over the summer, the first was child friendly, the second was not. Before going I was a bit peeved that DD was not invited to the second, but after enduring the first one of 'please don't cry during the ceremony/speeches/every time somebody comes up to me', I thoroughly enjoyed dropping DD off at grannies for the second!! Grin

narkypuffin · 14/01/2011 14:16

It's not that they want a childfree wedding, it's just that they don't want your family there. It's nothing to do with noise or cost. They just think you smell.

headfairy · 14/01/2011 14:17

I'm going to go totally against the prevailing wind and say YANBU. I think child free weddings are odd, I hate being made to choose. I would rather have one or two less distant cousins and let my close friends and family bring their children than have a boring sensible adult wedding. I had 15 children at my age and spent an age making individual goody bags for each one. I really hope they had a lovely time.

Every one I know who's had a child free wedding has gone on to regret it when they are parents themselves and realise just what a horrible thing it is to deliberately exclude someone's children (fine if you don't want to bring them though, I understand we don't always want them to go everywhere with us)

mommmmyof2 · 14/01/2011 14:18

You heard it before but I will say it again, it is their wedding and they do have the choice.It is a shame though as I wonder if they will have a few people not go due to this.Some people are not lucky enough to arrange child care so that means they just can't go.

But then again if you can just see it as a nice night off so you can relax with friends to celebrate their day :)