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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by this or am I benefit bashing/

217 replies

Streakywindows · 14/01/2011 10:48

DS was given a letter from school saying he could claim up to 250.00 for a number of things including a cineworld pass,ice skating,football,swimming and various other stuff. He could also get free equipment and uniform for his chosen activity.
I thought this was brilliant but then read he can only claim it if he is getting free school meals.
This seems really unfair but I think I might be a bit touchy today as I have told ds he can't go to the cinema with his friends this week as we are really struggling so this may be making me a bit bitter Blush.
DD also can't attend after school dance unless we pay 30.00 each term yet again kids entitled to FSM get to go.
It just all seems very unfair especially as we are about as well off as the average family on benefits after paying rent,ct and travel to work.
I am not suggesting stopping FSM or anything like that just maybe a fairer system.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 14/01/2011 10:49

If your household income is below 45k you too can claim assistance.

GypsyMoth · 14/01/2011 10:53

Yes, it's benefit bashing by stealth!!

frgr · 14/01/2011 10:53

You might find this recent thread interesting to read, especially re: the comments about the segment of society which are covered under the term "working poor".

YANBU to be frustrated, but try and remember that you are providing your children which other families on FSM might not be able to afford as mcuh ,e.g if you have your own mortgage or a pension. It IS a struggle though when you work hard and see others getting stuff you couldn't possibly afford/having to deny your children. Just try and remember to take a step back and see the whole picture though :)

ssd · 14/01/2011 10:54

I agree its shite

we earn just over 20k between us and have to pay for eveything (or not as the case may be)

the only people I know who's kids get free school meals are dwiddling the system eg.living together as a couple whilst he works on the side and she gets single parent benefits

at the end of the day you have to live with yourself, so if that means you work and earn a pittance and can't afford to send your kids to much but you can still hold your head up and show your kids that its better to go out to work, even in a crap job, rather than claim benefits, then be proud of yourself

Original poster
Streakywindows · 14/01/2011 10:55

How is it stealth? I'm not leaving anything out and am admitting I am probably pissed off because I have to tell my kids no.

OP posts:
ssd · 14/01/2011 10:58

in relation to the other thread, we do rely on tax credits, but if they went we would just cut back further

I'd class us as the working poor, dh works f/t and I work 20 hrs a week and we get just over 20k between us. if we gave up work with all the benefits we'd get we wouldn't be much better off. but I know its better to go out to work, always.

FoundWanting · 14/01/2011 11:00

FabbyChic How do you claim for assistance?

We don't qualify for FSM but struggle to fund extra-curricular activities dor 3 DCs. I've had to tell DS he has got to drop one of his clubs and feel like a right cow. Sad

Original poster
Streakywindows · 14/01/2011 11:00

We are working poor too. DP works and we get tax credits.

It is better to work I am just finding it hard to remember that this week.

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 14/01/2011 11:02

YANBU, its unfair that those who work and support their families have to let their children miss out on things because there is no extra money for all the extras.

We dont seem to teach children that working is the right thing to do and that financially supporting yourself expected, instead this just shows them that by living on benefits they will still get all the extras in life at no cost plus still get their benefit money.

I could understand if the scheme was discretionary by the school and not advertised as such so that children who are disabled or parents are disabled could benefit but tying in with FSM means thousands meet the criteria when their parent/s choose not to work. FSM in england is only open to those who dont work.

OP, like SSD says hold you head high and let your children know that is better to work and pay your own way in life than to expect other tax payers to pay for their choices.

ENormaSnob · 14/01/2011 11:02

Yanbu

MoonGirl1981 · 14/01/2011 11:02

No, you're not unreasonable.

I paid out £45 yesterday (which I can't really afford) for 6 hour long science lessons. My son really wanted to go and he rarely asks for anything. He does a few other clubs which are free.

My friend who 'can't be arsed to work' (her words, not mine) claims IS as a single mum, has all housing costs paid for and lives off her partners income (he pretends he doesn't live there) gets it all free. She doesn't even have to worry about cooking him a hot dinner in the evening.

I don't get it. Both myself and my bloke work but they have LOADS more money.

ssd · 14/01/2011 11:03

I know streaky

I work to keep my sanity, but washing dishes in a minimum wage just doesn't do much for my self confidence

I just want to show my boys if they want something in life then they go out to work, full stop. also I want them to stick in at school and get some decent qualifications, so they hopefully are never in the dead end jobs me and dh are in.

mutznutz · 14/01/2011 11:04

I don't think you're benefit bashing in this case. I understand your frustration.

At one time only the rich could afford these things...there was a total imbalance between rich and poor. Now I think the scales is tipping further and further in the other direction.

eaglewings · 14/01/2011 11:05

ssd you earn similar amounts to us and we get help in the form of Tax credits etc. I hope you are claiming these.

You have to earn under £16,000 to get free school meals. I would rather have an extra £4000 a year than have vouchers.

Some families who get free SM's work at the minimum wage doing jobs that are of value to our society, like child care, rubbish collection, care of the elderly etc. I would rather they got paid a living wage, but that seems impossible. I am glad that their kids get the odd treat, even though I have to say no to my kids sometimes.

ssd · 14/01/2011 11:06

also I don't think there is anything wrong in saying to the kids "no, we can't afford it". my 2 seem to hear it all the time. but they have both learned the value of money young, they pay for a lot of their own things with pocket/xmas/birthday money.

Original poster
Streakywindows · 14/01/2011 11:06

If you work you are not entitled to FSM at all.

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsIsNoLongerFestive · 14/01/2011 11:07

When I was a child, on free school meals, FSM was FSM only. My siblings and I had no proper uniform, no clubs, no extra-curricular anything, no after school sports, no cinema etc. The current system, although not perfect, allows the poorest children to do some of these things. How is that a bad thing?

Tell me your children have never been to the cinema/ice skating, or go to no school clubs? No? Well stop complaining then.

bubblerock · 14/01/2011 11:08

We don't qualify for FSM either, DH earns 10k, because we are entitled to WFTC as he works we are not entitled to FSM and other extras only available to non workers. If he didn't work we would get them.

Original poster
Streakywindows · 14/01/2011 11:08

There is nothing wrong with saying no but it is hard sometimes when I have to explain to my dd (5) why her best friend is going to dance after school and she isn't.

OP posts:
Onetoomanycornettos · 14/01/2011 11:10

I am all for free school meals, for the basic health reasons pointed out on the other thread, but like you I have strong misgivings about this. Not about offering say music or swimming, but going to the cinema is not a necessity, and as you say, it sends out the message, don't aspire to get off the benefits cycle, because lots of things will come your way if you do, and life will be much harder if you work. I personally think a line in the sand has to be drawn (along with free bus passess for wealthy older people) if we all have to tighten our belts.

Plus, if you are like me, you take your children to see the cheap £1 each ticket films at Vue a few weeks after they come out!

bubblerock · 14/01/2011 11:11

It doesn't include poor children from working families unfortunately - I think that's where the current system is lacking, it's just a blanket 'if you get WFTC you are not entitled to ....' IYSWIM Confused

ssd · 14/01/2011 11:12

again streaky, I know Smile

and it gets harder as they get older.........

mum why are we the only ones in the class who never go abroad?

why don't we go away the weekend like XYZ.......

why can't I get this that and the other?

why do my friends take £40 when we all go to the shopping centre and I only have £10?

trust me its heart breaking

but then you look at your kids and see they have a bit more humility than a lot of kids that get money handed out like sweeties and you know you're doing a good job with them

DivineInspiration · 14/01/2011 11:12

I can understand your frustration. Personally I think that the children of people on low incomes generally, including the working poor, should also be offered free or subsidised opportunities. Though I can't see that happening any time soon.

But it isn't the fault of children receiving FSMs that their parents are on benefits - whether 'deserving' or 'undeserving', whether they're diddling the system or whatever. Offering poor children the chance to partake in activities, some of which have the potential to change their lives, is about helping poor children who are not responsible for their parents' finances. It's not about rewarding people who claim benefits. Depriving children of the chance to partake in activities because it seems like a 'reward' for being feckless doesn't particularly affect the parents; it ultimately affects their children. Why punish children?

Original poster
Streakywindows · 14/01/2011 11:12

But Loopy, it seems that the poorest children are now the kids of the working poor and they are the ones left out of stuff.
I think I have a right to complain I only want my child to have the same opportunities and any other child in his class.

OP posts:
mutznutz · 14/01/2011 11:13

Plus, if you are like me, you take your children to see the cheap £1 each ticket films at Vue a few weeks after they come out

Or get the pirate DVD from Knock-off Nigel round the back of the market Blush Wink

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