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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child injured at school

193 replies

lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 21:32

AIBU....my DS aged 12 returned home from school yesterday with one side of the hair on his head, both eyebrows and one set of eyelashes totally singed! This had happened because another student had sprayed a can of deodorant and lit it with a lighter. She did this over her shoulder and unfortunately did not see him behind her. The large flame hit his head and caused the injuries listed above. I was livid. The school phoned me and explained the same story and said the girl had been suspended for four days. AIMBU in my actions which are that I have called the police and reported this as an assault (all be it accidental). This incident has left DS quite traumatised in that last night he woke twice having nightmares surrounding the incident.

OP posts:
IAmReallyFabNow · 13/01/2011 18:51

I would be fuming if this happened to my child while at school. If my child did this to another child there would be severe punishments. If my child was the injured party I would not be seeking damages. None are necessary or justified imo. I would however probably by them something they had previously mentioned they had wanted as a cheer up present.

DayShiftDoris · 13/01/2011 19:09

When my 6 yr old son nearly broke someones arm I had an expectation that he would be, at very least, suspended.... now he wasn't so I PUSHED for action to get him support for his behaviour.

She is twice the age of my son and she either needs proper punishment or her behaviour dealing with - ideally both.

Nothing excuses that sort of behaviour, nothing at all. I went to a right shithole of a school but if someone had done that on the grounds they would have had the police in faster than you could say 'Lynx' and they have been suspended/expelled for sure.

It's not a 'laugh', an accident or acceptable and if the school can't / won't deal with it then the police should get involved.

Original poster
lollipop69 · 13/01/2011 19:11

IAmReallyFabNow I am beginning to feel inclined to agree with you in that I think I will take DS out at the weekend for a bit of a treat as he is trying so hard to be grown up and deal with this whole incident. On top of the one day suspension this girl has also lost her breaktime and lunchtimes for one week.....bit bloody wow. My other DS lost his breaks for a week for playfighting with his friend! I will be taking the complaint of lack of punishment to the board of governors as I do not see this as reasonable!

OP posts:
Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 13/01/2011 20:49

Please update with what the Police say - I think you said they'd be coming at 8pm?

Shocked at the school's punishment. If they had taken a stronger line you would not have felt inclined to go to the police.

I agree, go to the governors - make it official.

As with others, I wouldn't pursue for damages - doesn't sit comfortably with me IMHO. A trip to town, new game for his PS3 or whatever he's into, and a bit of TLC is the way forward. Trying to get compensation will lengthen his ordeal and is likely to be a fruitless exercise anyway.

tomhardyismydh · 13/01/2011 21:12

I think calling the police is reasonable here.

if my dd was stupid enough I would hope someone would take matters as seriously as they should and involve the police.

I was not too bad at school and would not have done anything like that to endanger anyone else, but did hang around with some stupid and horrible little fuckers who would. unfortunatly it could be argued that our parenting was different. I dont know, but if this girl isnt being directed properly by her parents then the police should probably have a word.

mommmmyof2 · 13/01/2011 21:18

Bless him, hope he feels better soon, that must have been really hard for him.It could have been a lot worse and with no real action she will proberly do it again!!

FreudianSlipIntoMyLaptop · 13/01/2011 21:32

It doesn't actually matter, IIRC, if she didn't intend to hurt anyone... Recklessness is a lower form of intent, so to speak.

Those of you saying she didn't mean to hurt anyone, would you say that about someone driving dangerously, who accidentally hurt someone? Would you think they didn't need punishing?

Original poster
lollipop69 · 13/01/2011 21:43

Hi everyone. Police have been. They totally agreed that this girls actions were totally unacceptable. They are contacting the school liaison officer and will be paying her a visit at school to explain politely the error of her ways! I have also e mailed the school explaining how I feel about their punishment and explaining that I trust they have put in place safeguarding measures to keep my children along with every other student safe in the future. I have also asked for a meeting in the school with the girl, my DS, myself and the girls mother which will enable me to explain to this girl exactly how she has affected everyone involved. Thanks everyone for your support.

OP posts:
FreudianSlipIntoMyLaptop · 13/01/2011 21:44

Oh thank goodness they took it seriously! Agree with those saying not to mention compensation now.

FWIW maybe it was an accident but I think there needs to be a massive deterrent for others too, not just the idiot who did it.

tomhardyismydh · 13/01/2011 21:48

i think you have done the right thing including email. hope son is better soon. I doubt you will get the meeting tho probably wont be deemed appropriate or necessary by the school.

animula · 13/01/2011 21:48

Goodness, lollipop69.

There does seem to be something of a disjunction between what sort of behaviour is tolerated in schools, and how it is "graded" in terms of response, and how that same behaviour is judged outside of school.

Poor kids.

One day suspension? Sheesh.

I'm glad the police took it seriously, but it is crazy, really, that you had to take that route.

good luck in getting a better response from the school.

And good luck to your ds.

FreudianSlipIntoMyLaptop · 13/01/2011 21:51

assault occasioning ABH "The mens rea of the s47 offence is the mens rea of common assault only (ie, intention or recklessness). No mens rea is required for actual bodily harm, simply a causal link between the assault and the harm suffered."

If anyone's interested in that sort of thing Blush

TheCrackFox · 13/01/2011 21:51

I think the police having a chat with her will shock her into watching her behaviour.

A whole days suspension. In what way is that a punishment?

BoffinMum · 13/01/2011 21:51

TBH I would pull my kid out of a school where that sort of thing happened. It shows a lack of professionalism and control of the kids, a one day suspension for something so serious.

Original poster
lollipop69 · 13/01/2011 22:04

BoffinMum I would normally agree with you on that one but I have to say I cannot fault the school when it comes to teaching and my eldest DS is doing his exams at the mo so would be very reluctant to disrupt his education. But I will make sure I get the right outcome from all of this

OP posts:
FreudianSlipIntoMyLaptop · 13/01/2011 22:08

Hopefully it will also shock any other kids out of behaviour like that - they will remember hearing that this girl got a blocking off the police, and think twice before doing stupid stunts.

One day suspension, I'm gobsmacked. Jeez.

WhyHavePets · 14/01/2011 08:23

Wow, I would love to be a fly on the wall during that meeting - bet the staff are pulling straws right no to be the lucky one to chaperone it Hmm

So basically even the police think it is not worth more than a quick chat?

What safegaurding measure do you expect? Perhaps stripsearching all the kids in case they bring lighters into school?

What a very strange thread this has been.

Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 14/01/2011 12:48

Safeguarding measures - educating the children that although it may seem like a really 'fun' thing to set fire to an aerosol, the consequences can be serious. They could also ban aerosols from school, that was done way-back in my day (all of 16 years ago).

Can't see how this is a strange thread? There is a clear division here - those, like myself, that believe actions should have consequences and those who think 'ah, they're only kids, bit of fun - no harm done'.

Except in this case, harm has been done and the school have failed to adequately reprimand the girl. This has resulted in the OP having to take matters to the Police, who were never going to arrest the girl but were going to highlight the serious matter at hand (which the school have failed to do).

OP - glad the Police were helpful, hope your son is getting over the incident.

Original poster
lollipop69 · 14/01/2011 15:59

The one safeguarding matter that really concerns me is the lack of lunchtime supervision in the school. Aerosols are already banned in the school....although obviously this girl decided this rule did not apply to her! Am still awaiting a response from the head teacher.

OP posts:
WhyHavePets · 14/01/2011 18:10

Shew, actually there is a third, like me who think actions should have consequences but that the consequence of having the police arrive at the door, having to face the "victim's" mother and possibly being expelled as some have suggested is more than a bit ott.

I am quite happy to insist kids face up to their actions but intent is a major factor and, so far, there has ben absolutly no evidence that this is any more than a silly act leading to a horrible accident rather than some evil kid trying to melt his eyeballs as seems to be the consencus. (that is why it is a strange thread)

maryz · 14/01/2011 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummy2Bookie · 14/01/2011 18:19

I hope this girl gets charged. Your poor ds. Of course, this being Britain. The criminal has more rights than the victim unfortunetly.

WhyHavePets · 14/01/2011 18:29

I agree maryz - and for the record I have teens and yes, they do really stupid things. There has never been any intent or, So far, any injury but there could be (well on one occasion i can think of). Of course, as soon as you face them with the possible consequences, they are mortified and would never ever do it again!

maryz · 14/01/2011 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhyHavePets · 14/01/2011 18:58

It puts the whole should they walk to the shop alone ant 8yo or 10yo into perspective doesn't it?

Currently I am on teen girls who seem less intent on activly killing themselves - more putting themselves in harms way but ds is next so I am sure I will get to that soon!

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