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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child injured at school

193 replies

lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 21:32

AIBU....my DS aged 12 returned home from school yesterday with one side of the hair on his head, both eyebrows and one set of eyelashes totally singed! This had happened because another student had sprayed a can of deodorant and lit it with a lighter. She did this over her shoulder and unfortunately did not see him behind her. The large flame hit his head and caused the injuries listed above. I was livid. The school phoned me and explained the same story and said the girl had been suspended for four days. AIMBU in my actions which are that I have called the police and reported this as an assault (all be it accidental). This incident has left DS quite traumatised in that last night he woke twice having nightmares surrounding the incident.

OP posts:

Thingumy · 12/01/2011 22:46

Damages I guess are down to the OP's child's long term reaction to the incident.

Time will tell and I hope he doesn't have any longlasting issues arising from this.

You are supposed to feel safe in school aren't you? Not be flame bombed.

MadamDeathstare · 12/01/2011 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 22:49

As I understand it MadamDeathStare they do not have outdoor break/lunch supervisors as it is a secondary school! Ridiculous I know.

OP posts:

KirstyAllsoap · 12/01/2011 22:52

Lollipops obviously your son has had a really nasty experience and I hope he'll be feeling better ASAP.

I don't know this girl, but from your OP it sounded like an accident. We all do stupid things and I can't see how getting the police involved is going to make anything easier for your son.

I've no idea about the age for criminal responsibity but does she really potentially deserve a criminal record for this.

curlymama · 12/01/2011 22:52

I think it is completely reasonable to call the police, partly because this girl needs to realise the severity of her actions, and partly because it may help your ds deal with it. He ia distressed over what happened, understandably, and he is only 12/13 as well remember. he needs to see that the adults out there are taking his suffering seriously, and that he should not be made to feel by anyone that he should just get on with it and forget about what happened. If he gets the recognition he deserves he will be able to feel a sense that justice has been done for him. If he didn't get to feel that it could be much harder for him to put it behind him and could damage his sense of self esteem.

If we were talking about two adults I don't think anyone would say that the police shouldn't be called. The victim, not the offender, should come first, accident or not. I don't see a reason why he shouldn't be compensated either, I would expect it if that happened to me. Why should a child not be treated with the same respect?

OP, you are doing the right thing for your child, the girl is not yours or your sons problem. I hope that some of the posts on here haven't made you doubt yourself. You have my support, and I hope you and your ds are ok and manage to deal with this.

Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 12/01/2011 22:52

We never had supervision at break/lunchtime either - apart from the teacher they would send to check the smoker's haunts! Funnily enough it was always the same teacher, who just happened to smoke and would happily have a fag with us if we didn't rat on him!

MadamDeathstare · 12/01/2011 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 22:55

The age for criminal responsibility is 10. And as curlymama states I have involved the police so my son can see that I am concerned about what another child has done to him physically and emotionally. If she had the same 'accident' in the street she would be in a whole lot more trouble!

OP posts:

Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 12/01/2011 22:58

lollipop - as far as I can see, there is no reason for you to even begin to try and justify involving the police.

I agree that your son needs to know that he is taken seriously, the school don't appear to give a flying one about it!

charliesmommy · 12/01/2011 23:01

Compensation is supposed to be given to help people rebuild their life!!!! not buy a new x-box..

he isnt going to be physically scarred for life, nor is he likely to be mentally scarred for life either unless he cottons on to it getting him buckloads of attention and sympathy....

sorry but it was a stupid prank that went badly wrong, could have been a lot worse, but wasnt...

I very much doubt the girl will ever repeat her actions, and she didnt set out to hurt anyone in the first place!

Everyone does really daft things that could have serious consequences at some point in their life.

What if your son had been part of the crowd egging her on to do it and got injured?

I remember the mischief that we got upto in the science labs.. there were plenty of mishaps when the teacher wasnt in the room.. I dont recall the police ever being called, or anyone rushing to get compo!

PixieOnaLeaf · 12/01/2011 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Thingumy · 12/01/2011 23:04

'he isnt going to be physically scarred for life'

Hopefully not,but it could scar him for the rest of his school years.

Who are you to say it won't mentally effect him?

KirstyAllsoap · 12/01/2011 23:05

Fair enough and I'm obviously in a minority in my opinion.
I'm not trying to make you feel guilty for ringing the police, but you have asked AIBU.

I'm just looking at it from the point of view of when I was at school and this sort of thing went on all the time. There was never any malice in their behaviour it was kids doing stupid things.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 12/01/2011 23:06

CharliesMommy how do YOU know how the boy will be affected? Were you there? Are you him?

NO...so how can you know what will help him.

You cannot.

charliesmommy · 12/01/2011 23:07

I will join you in the minority Kirsty!

Thingumy · 12/01/2011 23:07

and I thought I went to a rough as estate school,thank fuck we didn't have twats attempting to be pyromaniacs.

KalokiMallow · 12/01/2011 23:08

pixie I'm amazed at the moment that so many people think awful behaviour is the norm for teenagers and should be written off as just fooling around :(

charliesmommy · 12/01/2011 23:09

Wimple.. I am have lived long enough to see similar things happen to my stepkids and their mates.. and my own schooldays, and dont know anyone who has suffered because of it..

I believe the word I used was UNLIKELY.. as that is my opinion.

It was a fecking accident!

WimpleOfTheBallet · 12/01/2011 23:09

That's what I thought thingumy! Mine was bad too but we didn't go around doing things like that...I wonder how people who think the police is a step too far would feel if a random person did this to their child.

Original poster

lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 23:09

charliesmommy he was not part of the crowd egging him on and i have verified that from other students who i trust and no compensation isnt just for those who suffer long term. I have received compensation for a car accident previously, allowing me to go on a well deserved break to get over the emotional trauma. This girl needs to see what could have happened if her stupid stunt had gone wrong and i am sure the police will be the ones to tell her!

OP posts:

KirstyAllsoap · 12/01/2011 23:10

CM I would say the minority are getting a bit of a flaming but that seems rather tactless considering the nature of this situation.

charliesmommy · 12/01/2011 23:10

"I have received compensation for a car accident previously, allowing me to go on a well deserved break to get over the emotional trauma".

Thingumy · 12/01/2011 23:14

'It was a fecking accident!'

Yes it sadly was,but before she burned off the OP's son's hair, she set light to another pupils hands.

curlymama · 12/01/2011 23:14

I understand the point that it was just teenagers messing around, I know I used to do stupid things that could have ended badly but never did thankfully.

But the point here is that it did end badly, and a child is suffering, and lollipops ds deserves his upset to be taken seriously.

TandB · 12/01/2011 23:14

Hmm. Not sure about this one.

The problem is that the police don't have much discretion to just give children a "talking to" anymore. If they decide an offence has been committed (although I am in some difficulties in working out whether they could technically class this as a common assault) then they will need to take action and this will lead to her having a criminal record, albeit a juvenile one.

I would have been more inclined to push the matter hard with the school and only then involve the police if it seemed appropriate.

I also have to say that I think you should re-draft the letter and remove the comment about liability for damages. For one thing, it is likely to put the school's back up and for another, I don't think that comment is worded well. If someone assumes liability for damages then that kind of implies damage to property, not the impact on a child. I don't think it puts your point across at all well.

On a similar note, forget the criminal injuries award issue - it really isn't that simple. He would not get anything in this situation, even if she was charged. the £1000 suggestion is completely inaccurate, I'm afraid.

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