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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child injured at school

193 replies

lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 21:32

AIBU....my DS aged 12 returned home from school yesterday with one side of the hair on his head, both eyebrows and one set of eyelashes totally singed! This had happened because another student had sprayed a can of deodorant and lit it with a lighter. She did this over her shoulder and unfortunately did not see him behind her. The large flame hit his head and caused the injuries listed above. I was livid. The school phoned me and explained the same story and said the girl had been suspended for four days. AIMBU in my actions which are that I have called the police and reported this as an assault (all be it accidental). This incident has left DS quite traumatised in that last night he woke twice having nightmares surrounding the incident.

OP posts:
animula · 12/01/2011 22:19

bumpsoon does have a point. Support -yes, witchhunt - no.

Original poster
lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 22:20

I also feel that these are messages of support for me and my DS as opposed to witch hunt.

OP posts:
Thingumy · 12/01/2011 22:23

I think your thoughts change on reckless behaviour when you are dealing with your child that has suffered because of another stupid,idiotic child.

Just saying 'oh it's to be expected at that age' almost allows this reckless 'we don't give a shit mentality'

If it was my daughter that lit the hairspray,I'd be hauling her arse down the police station.

charliesmommy · 12/01/2011 22:24

She was being stupid, she was being irresponsible, and she was very very silly and deserves punishing by the school.

BUT, this is not a new thing.. I remember kids doing this with a lighter and aerosol when I was at school over 25 years ago..

nor did she mean to, or aim to, injure or hurt anyone else...

I cannot see why the police need to be involved, nor can I see why the injured child should be encouraged to claim £1000 in compensation either. Other kids hearing about this are quite likely to try and copy it thinking they are going to make an easy few quid, and end up badly injured.

mamatomany · 12/01/2011 22:24

If it was my daughter setting fire to peoples hands etc the police would be the least of her worries, I do think the schools need to take a firmer line with these things and reassure parents that the matter has been dealt with.
The fact that it's so often reported that the school owe the DC's a duty of care but so often fail in that duty that gets peoples backs up.

Original poster
lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 22:26

Thingumy....totally agree. If it was my DS that had done this I would do exactly the same!

OP posts:
Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 12/01/2011 22:27

The school are being very silly here, to have not followed correct reporting procedure.

Technically it could also be a Health and Safety issue - if you wanted to get really arsey with them about it.

Re Safeguarding, I know a little about this due to my work, and having recently been on a 2 day course. It is my understanding that the new SG procedures are intended to influence any Ofsted grading, being that the school has to prove that not only are the staff trained but that they also implement the procedures effectively. Without doing this, no learning provider can hope to gain higher than a 'Satisfactory' grading from Ofsted. (that is my understanding btw, I'm no expert!)

IMO, they have not provided your son with a safe, secure environment to learn - in dismissing the incident as an 'accident' they have brushed it under the carpet. She may not have intended to cause harm, but she did intend to set fire to a highly flammable aerosol, knowing full well the potential consequence.

YANBU, police involvement is definitely the way forward - even though it will result in a caution, it will hopefully be enough of a shock to her to realise that actions have consequences.

I really hope your son recovers from this and I really feel for him and you.

mamatomany · 12/01/2011 22:27

If it was my daughter that lit the hairspray,I'd be hauling her arse down the police station

Really ? Why can't you deal with your own child ? My children would be more upset that I was upset with them than somebody in a uniform.

Thingumy · 12/01/2011 22:29

Hairsrpay +lighter=weapon

troisgarcons · 12/01/2011 22:29

*A1980 Wed 12-Jan-11 21:50:06
YANBU

If nothing else it warrants expulsion.*

However, if the child is known to 'an agency' - usually SS - ther won't be a perm exclusion.

Best course of action is via the police and a prosecution (if deemed enough evidence)

bumpsoon · 12/01/2011 22:30

Can i add my message of support ,i really hope your DS recovers soon ,as a parent i would be absolutely devastated if this had happened to my child ,as i would be equally devastated if my child had been the perpetrator.
My parents dealt with me in a way which left me in no doubt ,how stupid my actions had been ,even though it had been a fluke accident ,projectile ricchocheted off another object .The trip to a scrap yard to see the blood soaked interior of a car that had been involved in a fatal crash ,possibly a step too far for an 11 year old .

Original poster
lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 22:32

Thank you bumpsoon for your support.

OP posts:
Thingumy · 12/01/2011 22:32

So you give them a ticking off and then all would be fine then mama?

Sorry but if my child had taken a weapon into school,they'd feel my disappointment and shame in them by being taken to the police and being given a strict warning and talking to by law enforcement.

ohnoshedittant · 12/01/2011 22:34

hairspray and a lighter can be combined to make a weapon certainly, but as there was no intent to cause harm I don't think the girl came to school with 'a weapon', just some hairspray and a lighter (if she's a little shit she prob smokes anyway).

A ruler and an eraser could be a weapon. Or a can of coke. Or a car. Or a tie. Depends on your actions and intentions as to whether they become a weapon.

Original poster
lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 22:35

The trouble is I guess that lot of parents whos DCs are suspended from school still allow them access to internet/tv/mobiles etc.....therefore not much punishment. Police definately more of a deterent

OP posts:
KalokiMallow · 12/01/2011 22:36

:( Your poor DS, how is he doing?

Original poster
lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 22:38

kalokiMallow....thank u. He is ok. It is just on his mind all the time. It is just wait and see to find out if he sleeps tonight or not!

OP posts:
Thingumy · 12/01/2011 22:39

'It was also explained to me that prior to the incident with my DS she had been spraying another childs hand and trying to set alight to it.....she knew just what she was doing'

Am glad Lollipop has reported her ds's incident to the police.Hopefully it will stop this girl risking the health of another child.

KalokiMallow · 12/01/2011 22:39

It will be, is he going in to school tomorrow?

Original poster
lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 22:40

He is attending school under the very watchful eye of his older siblings

OP posts:
KalokiMallow · 12/01/2011 22:41

That's good, glad they'll be there for him :)

KirstyAllsoap · 12/01/2011 22:41

Bloody hell. I'm really surprised by so many people suggesting ringing the police. She is 12 and it was an accident.

I'm honestly surprised you're all so shocked at the whole aerosol and lighter combo. It was rife in my school and it was private.

You can spray your hand with deodrant and set it on fire and you get a flame, but the alcohol burns off very quickly before you get burnt. I suspect this girl was messing about and it all went horribly wrong.

Also the compensation suggestions....really? Surely they are for victims of rape, murder.

Original poster
lollipop69 · 12/01/2011 22:43

So KirstyAllsoap please tell me how you would feel if your DS came home from school with facial hair missing and half a head of hair singed, then woke with nightmares from the incident!

OP posts:
Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 12/01/2011 22:43

the one thing, above all that gets me here is that whether she 'intended' to cause harm or not - there is now a very traumatised child having to deal with the consequence of her 'moment of madness'.

Yes, he will get over it - but for the next week/weeks/month (who knows) he is going to suffer. A 4 day suspension - lie in's, bit of facebook etc, is not really going to bring home the horror she has caused to him. Whereas, a visit from the police just might.

I also went to a rough school, one lad in my class actually set fire to the gas tap in the science lab - for a laugh! Luckily no harm done. My brother also once pierced a can of Lynx - when asked why he replied "because I wanted to know what would happen if I did it" - huge bang and a very traumatised 10 yo!

Children do this kind of thing, but when an innocent bystander is hurt it's time to bring the reality of their silliness/inquisitiveness home to them IMO.

mamatomany · 12/01/2011 22:44

A ticking off from me for my children would more than suffice but I can only speak for my own of course.
Hope your DS is ok lollipops